Van Weasel
@vanweezer.bsky.social
Terminally online. Photography posted is mine, if not I'll attribute it.
Pronouns: any/all
Pronouns: any/all
Pinned
I wrote this in April 2020.
I’m Fine
There are no innocuous questions anymore. “How are you today?” a cashier asked me. “I’m fine,” I said out loud to myself. Before the virus this interaction was the polite way to respond without saying anything. People with depression, trauma, or stress could
I’m Fine
There are no innocuous questions anymore. “How are you today?” a cashier asked me. “I’m fine,” I said out loud to myself. Before the virus this interaction was the polite way to respond without saying anything. People with depression, trauma, or stress could
Hot take: since no one is learning cursive and signatures become more antiquated we should return to signet rings for documentation purposes
December 7, 2025 at 7:00 PM
Hot take: since no one is learning cursive and signatures become more antiquated we should return to signet rings for documentation purposes
Reposted by Van Weasel
If you want an explanation for why PA is such a fucked up state I'll offer you this menu item at a Pittsburgh pizza place
September 11, 2024 at 6:57 PM
If you want an explanation for why PA is such a fucked up state I'll offer you this menu item at a Pittsburgh pizza place
Reposted by Van Weasel
hoooo boy I’m bout to make some really weird noise
happy early birthday me
happy early birthday me
December 7, 2025 at 6:20 PM
hoooo boy I’m bout to make some really weird noise
happy early birthday me
happy early birthday me
The stupidest thing about the news is journalists never know how to get them to hang themselves because that's not what they really want.
For the boat strike double tap, the way to fuck them is to challenge the premise, not the excuses.
For the boat strike double tap, the way to fuck them is to challenge the premise, not the excuses.
December 7, 2025 at 5:25 PM
The stupidest thing about the news is journalists never know how to get them to hang themselves because that's not what they really want.
For the boat strike double tap, the way to fuck them is to challenge the premise, not the excuses.
For the boat strike double tap, the way to fuck them is to challenge the premise, not the excuses.
Eating recovery cinnamon rolls
December 7, 2025 at 5:19 PM
Eating recovery cinnamon rolls
Reposted by Van Weasel
What if the only way to get American conspiracy culture under control is to make a genetically engineered Bigfoot?
June 17, 2025 at 10:37 PM
What if the only way to get American conspiracy culture under control is to make a genetically engineered Bigfoot?
Reposted by Van Weasel
Two shitposters becoming mutuals
November 4, 2024 at 2:46 AM
Two shitposters becoming mutuals
Reposted by Van Weasel
If you baptized someone in vodka they'd only be 60% Catholic
April 14, 2025 at 7:23 PM
If you baptized someone in vodka they'd only be 60% Catholic
Reposted by Van Weasel
Fred appreciation post
August 12, 2024 at 2:41 PM
Fred appreciation post
Reposted by Van Weasel
Everyone stop what you're doing and look at this bowl
April 12, 2025 at 9:13 PM
Everyone stop what you're doing and look at this bowl
Reposted by Van Weasel
At 36,000 skeets will I finally feel something?
December 5, 2025 at 8:04 PM
At 36,000 skeets will I finally feel something?
Reposted by Van Weasel
Reposted by Van Weasel
if you have a parasocial relationship with me just know that I love you, specifically, and i can’t wait for us to be together
December 7, 2025 at 4:00 PM
if you have a parasocial relationship with me just know that I love you, specifically, and i can’t wait for us to be together
Reposted by Van Weasel
A true crime podcast but it's all about wage theft
August 2, 2023 at 3:45 PM
A true crime podcast but it's all about wage theft
Reposted by Van Weasel
[interview to be a podcast co-host]
Host: So are you familiar with our show's format?
Me: No, I didn't look into it so that I would have an honest and natural reaction as a stand in for the audience.
Host: ... Goddamnit, you're hired
Host: So are you familiar with our show's format?
Me: No, I didn't look into it so that I would have an honest and natural reaction as a stand in for the audience.
Host: ... Goddamnit, you're hired
October 14, 2025 at 2:16 PM
[interview to be a podcast co-host]
Host: So are you familiar with our show's format?
Me: No, I didn't look into it so that I would have an honest and natural reaction as a stand in for the audience.
Host: ... Goddamnit, you're hired
Host: So are you familiar with our show's format?
Me: No, I didn't look into it so that I would have an honest and natural reaction as a stand in for the audience.
Host: ... Goddamnit, you're hired
Why doesn't anybody ever try hang gliding off of mount Everest
December 7, 2025 at 2:49 PM
Why doesn't anybody ever try hang gliding off of mount Everest
Reposted by Van Weasel
FUTCH LESBIAN FUCKBOIS ARE THE MEN OF WOMEN INDEED
December 7, 2025 at 2:36 PM
FUTCH LESBIAN FUCKBOIS ARE THE MEN OF WOMEN INDEED
Reposted by Van Weasel
It'll be funny to read this again in the FBI charging documents once I finish my research
Summoning circle, hope this works:
🕯️
🕯️ 🕯️
🕯️ 🕯️
🕯️ Billionaire 🕯️
🕯️ Specific 🕯️
🕯️ Cancer 🕯️
🕯️ 🕯️
🕯️
🕯️
🕯️ 🕯️
🕯️ 🕯️
🕯️ Billionaire 🕯️
🕯️ Specific 🕯️
🕯️ Cancer 🕯️
🕯️ 🕯️
🕯️
December 29, 2024 at 12:35 AM
It'll be funny to read this again in the FBI charging documents once I finish my research
Reposted by Van Weasel
The year is 2040 and the English language has been ravaged by auto text:
Donut guy: what can I get you?
Me: I'll take a couple of long jobs. One apple jitter. And a Bismarck with the cram filling
DG: cumming right up
Donut guy: what can I get you?
Me: I'll take a couple of long jobs. One apple jitter. And a Bismarck with the cram filling
DG: cumming right up
March 21, 2024 at 12:27 PM
The year is 2040 and the English language has been ravaged by auto text:
Donut guy: what can I get you?
Me: I'll take a couple of long jobs. One apple jitter. And a Bismarck with the cram filling
DG: cumming right up
Donut guy: what can I get you?
Me: I'll take a couple of long jobs. One apple jitter. And a Bismarck with the cram filling
DG: cumming right up
Reposted by Van Weasel
Photos leak online of Mrs. Pac-Man's affair
A perfect photo of Eugenio Suárez. No notes.
📸 Steph Chambers/Getty Images
📸 Steph Chambers/Getty Images
October 16, 2025 at 1:48 AM
Photos leak online of Mrs. Pac-Man's affair
Reposted by Van Weasel
A complaint call came into the office and I just have to say that I'm unsettled by their use of the phrase, "they're leaking turkeys all over the highway"
April 9, 2025 at 1:48 PM
A complaint call came into the office and I just have to say that I'm unsettled by their use of the phrase, "they're leaking turkeys all over the highway"
Reposted by Van Weasel
Lol, someone put me on a republican defenders list.
But that CAN'T be true because I refuse to defend Newsom
But that CAN'T be true because I refuse to defend Newsom
August 28, 2025 at 2:13 PM
Lol, someone put me on a republican defenders list.
But that CAN'T be true because I refuse to defend Newsom
But that CAN'T be true because I refuse to defend Newsom
Reposted by Van Weasel
The universe beckons us to use our voice. It demands we announce ourselves to each other in order to place ourselves within society. We cannot resist, we are coerced. Press X to honk...
A twitch stream where Werner Hertzog plays untitled goose game
October 12, 2025 at 4:04 PM
The universe beckons us to use our voice. It demands we announce ourselves to each other in order to place ourselves within society. We cannot resist, we are coerced. Press X to honk...
Reposted by Van Weasel
Bluesky could make a really cursed version of "Where are they now?"
June 16, 2025 at 5:22 PM
Bluesky could make a really cursed version of "Where are they now?"
Reposted by Van Weasel
We used to be a proper website
June 26, 2024 at 10:13 PM
We used to be a proper website