Charlie Alzamora
@chalza.bsky.social
Keep it right here for more biting commentary, social disconnection and cognitive decline, served with a hint of levity and oregano.
It sucks that I can't buy a house because I need to save money for rent, groceries and a nuclear weapon.
November 16, 2025 at 3:49 AM
It sucks that I can't buy a house because I need to save money for rent, groceries and a nuclear weapon.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Fire Marshal: "There are too many kung fu fighters in here"
November 16, 2025 at 2:17 AM
Fire Marshal: "There are too many kung fu fighters in here"
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
I know tacos hate to see me coming smh.
November 16, 2025 at 2:45 AM
I know tacos hate to see me coming smh.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
The nearest satellite orbiting Planet Fitness was McDonald's, and Gary was powerless to escape its tractor beam.
November 16, 2025 at 12:22 AM
The nearest satellite orbiting Planet Fitness was McDonald's, and Gary was powerless to escape its tractor beam.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Or I’ll mope the floor with you.
November 16, 2025 at 12:01 AM
Or I’ll mope the floor with you.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Your honor, are you judging me?
November 15, 2025 at 10:27 PM
Your honor, are you judging me?
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
If I call you for bail money, know that you'll never have to hear Mariah Carey sing it "live" again.
November 15, 2025 at 10:43 PM
If I call you for bail money, know that you'll never have to hear Mariah Carey sing it "live" again.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
The latest Epstein email rumor is destined to be known as Cockwork orange
November 15, 2025 at 3:44 PM
The latest Epstein email rumor is destined to be known as Cockwork orange
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Currently suffering the reality of being old (giving up a concert ticket due to the inconvenience of going)
November 15, 2025 at 10:42 PM
Currently suffering the reality of being old (giving up a concert ticket due to the inconvenience of going)
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Me: (getting into taxi) follow that car!
Taxi: omg is this some kind police business?!
Me: what? No! They just looked like they were going somewhere fun and I want to go too
Taxi: omg is this some kind police business?!
Me: what? No! They just looked like they were going somewhere fun and I want to go too
November 15, 2025 at 10:37 PM
Me: (getting into taxi) follow that car!
Taxi: omg is this some kind police business?!
Me: what? No! They just looked like they were going somewhere fun and I want to go too
Taxi: omg is this some kind police business?!
Me: what? No! They just looked like they were going somewhere fun and I want to go too
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Happy Caturday
(he’s studying Russian literature)
(he’s studying Russian literature)
November 15, 2025 at 10:02 PM
Happy Caturday
(he’s studying Russian literature)
(he’s studying Russian literature)
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
They're tackling the housing crisis by officially reclassifying my car's backseat as a "compact urban studio apartment.”
November 15, 2025 at 2:54 PM
They're tackling the housing crisis by officially reclassifying my car's backseat as a "compact urban studio apartment.”
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Tried voting with my feet but they made me use a pen
November 15, 2025 at 9:46 PM
Tried voting with my feet but they made me use a pen
Don't come around here with that mopey attitude. I'm not buying what you're sullen.
November 15, 2025 at 9:13 PM
Don't come around here with that mopey attitude. I'm not buying what you're sullen.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
People used to run away and join the circus, but now, thanks to modern advancements, the circus is all around us all the damn time
November 15, 2025 at 5:25 PM
People used to run away and join the circus, but now, thanks to modern advancements, the circus is all around us all the damn time
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
But what are we to mountains and skies.
November 15, 2025 at 3:30 PM
But what are we to mountains and skies.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
“I am not afraid of you,” said I to her, fearfully.
November 15, 2025 at 5:27 PM
“I am not afraid of you,” said I to her, fearfully.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
The squirrels will tell my story.
November 15, 2025 at 7:26 PM
The squirrels will tell my story.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
what the world needs now are statements of the obvious
November 15, 2025 at 6:21 PM
what the world needs now are statements of the obvious
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
people giving cover by breaking down the acceptable levels of child abuse should be launched into the sun
November 15, 2025 at 6:19 PM
people giving cover by breaking down the acceptable levels of child abuse should be launched into the sun
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
OMG! I just got off the plane in Asheville and RFK Jr. Was boarding and someone passed by him and said “quack”
November 15, 2025 at 6:07 PM
OMG! I just got off the plane in Asheville and RFK Jr. Was boarding and someone passed by him and said “quack”
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
We may have entered an era of miracles.
Fell down a 12 foot flight of stairs this morning (2 AM), and my injuries are limited to two patches of carpet burn, four bruises, and severely strained pride.
Fell down a 12 foot flight of stairs this morning (2 AM), and my injuries are limited to two patches of carpet burn, four bruises, and severely strained pride.
November 15, 2025 at 6:34 PM
We may have entered an era of miracles.
Fell down a 12 foot flight of stairs this morning (2 AM), and my injuries are limited to two patches of carpet burn, four bruises, and severely strained pride.
Fell down a 12 foot flight of stairs this morning (2 AM), and my injuries are limited to two patches of carpet burn, four bruises, and severely strained pride.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Roses are red
Rhyming is difficult
Dammit
Rhyming is difficult
Dammit
November 15, 2025 at 6:16 PM
Roses are red
Rhyming is difficult
Dammit
Rhyming is difficult
Dammit