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Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦

@qwertying.bsky.social

4.4K followers 830 following 8K posts

I write jokes people, not to be taken seriously. I administer involuntary nasal exorcisms. ♥️ My wife: @skedaddle74.bsky.social 🎉 My bangers: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:zlxnj6iqvkdlmoj6npjt2l4o/feed/aaaemekfmmumo 🚫Crypto 🚫Onlyfan 🚫Porn 🚫DM=Block

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Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦 @qwertying.bsky.social · 1d

During sexy time she asked if I owned any toys. I proudly presented my fully operational, remote-controlled Millennium Falcon.

She left. I had a great night.

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Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦 @qwertying.bsky.social · 1h

🫶😂🤣😂

Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦 @qwertying.bsky.social · 1h

Woo-whoo! 🤩

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Reposted by Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦

Wristy @wristroom.bsky.social · 11h

I suggest a new holiday called fearsgiving where we all sit around the table and talk not about what we're thankful for but what we're afraid of and perhaps give each other some comfort instead of pretending everything is ok and getting mad at the people who won't

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Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦 @qwertying.bsky.social · 11h

The most confusing thing for Canadians is that Thanksgiving and Halloween are in the same month. This year, I’m attempting to carve this 20-pound turkey into a Jack-o’-lantern.

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Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦 @qwertying.bsky.social · 11h

The only thing more terrifying than a ghost is the sound of your vegetarian cousin discovering the breadcrumb stuffing is cooked inside the turkey.

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Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦 @qwertying.bsky.social · 11h

In Canada, Nothing says "spooky season" like the existential dread of realizing you have to eat turkey leftovers for the next week.

Reposted by Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦

BEAVE @beaveinflow.bsky.social · 4d

A haunted house but it’s just someone saying “Let’s go around the room and share one fun fact about ourselves.”

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Reposted by Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦

Roxy @laboxalaroxa.bsky.social · 1d

Being in a room full of people is called I'm never doing that again.

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Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦 @qwertying.bsky.social · 1d

I'm grateful for Canadian Thanksgiving where the main event involves stuffing something for hours until it's perfectly moist.

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Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦 @qwertying.bsky.social · 1d

During sexy time she asked if I owned any toys. I proudly presented my fully operational, remote-controlled Millennium Falcon.

She left. I had a great night.

4 17 52

Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦 @qwertying.bsky.social · 1d

My credit score just winked at me from across the room. I think it's flirting with disaster.

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Reposted by Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦

Theciscokidder @theciscokidder.bsky.social · 2d

[at stoplight]

*gets out of car, knocks on driver's window behind me after following me for 3 turns*

Me: Are you obsessed with me?

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Reposted by Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦

Chicken the Friendly Ghost 👻 @vermontchicken.bsky.social · 5d

I can’t be fucking bothered to move. If this place dies, I’m just going to take my one woman unsolicited improv show down to children's hour at the local library.

[Sic] Burns @sicburns2.bsky.social · 5d

I can’t be fucking bothered to move again. If this place dies, I’m just doing nothing but sitting in front of the Circle K and commenting on people’s outfits and snack choices

Chris Steller @chrissteller.bsky.social · 5d

I can’t be fucking bothered to move again. If this place dies, I’m just doing nothing but messages in bottles in the Mississippi River.

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Reposted by Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦

DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 9d

*gets laid off from self-checkout

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Reposted by Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦

Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️ @lizzlepants.bsky.social · 2d

sometimes I just want a nostalgic Salisbury steak tv dinner with mac & cheese and a nap

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Reposted by Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦

DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 2d

this is who I am now

*folds a large pizza into a taco*

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Reposted by Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦

Daisy @daisy91.bsky.social · 2d

This is like a high school party that gets busted by the cops and no one knows whose house to go to and dammit I threw out my four loko

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Reposted by Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦

DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 2d

Interviewer: what’s your greatest strength?

Me: you’ll never hear any half baked ideas from me. i can assure you, i’m fully baked for all of my ideas

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Reposted by Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦

DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 1d

fuck with the costume frog and you’re gonna feel the wrath of the nation

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Reposted by Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦

DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 4d

don’t talk to me until i’ve drunk from the blood of my enemies

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Reposted by Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦

DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 2d

Coworker: is this AI? *shows me a video of MLK issuing the Stone Cold Stunner to The Undertaker before flicking him off*

Me: no, that happened

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Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦 @qwertying.bsky.social · 1d

I heard a song I liked from my youth in a grocery store. It wasn't on the "classic rock" station; it was on the "elevator rock" station.

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Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦 @qwertying.bsky.social · 1d

I was carded for a senior discount. It was an insult, but the 15% off was a compelling argument to shut up and take it.

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Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦 @qwertying.bsky.social · 1d

I made a sound getting into my car that I can only describe as a dial-up modem connecting. It wasn't voluntary, it was a diagnostic report.

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Spooky 𝕋𝕚𝕞 🇨🇦 @qwertying.bsky.social · 1d

Watching you step on that skateboard wasn't a 'cool trick,' it was a public health warning. The only thing you're about to ollie is a prescription pain-relief bottle.