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bloody bacon popsicle ✋

@gupton68.bsky.social

16K followers 1.4K following 2K posts

I’ve soiled my armour the man, the myth, the bellend my BS bs: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:3bnoyda3i7sv7k6p3vzmjtvj/feed/aaadqbbtnlfxy my top bs: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:3bnoyda3i7sv7k6p3vzmjtvj/feed/aaahguixerquo

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bloody bacon popsicle ✋ @gupton68.bsky.social · Mar 18

How long after a tonsillectomy is it safe to give a blowjob?

~ asking for my wife (tonsils removed, August 2013)

bloody bacon popsicle ✋ @gupton68.bsky.social · 3h

I solve most of my problems by just ignoring them as I know that eventually they'll get bored and go ask their mum instead.

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Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️ @lizzlepants.bsky.social · 4h

so what if I unplugged your life support to charge my phone AITA

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korpisworld @kwkorpi.bsky.social · 2d

Personal finance is a never-ending homework assignment.

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Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 11h

I'm pretty easy to take care of, just milk my venom glands and know that I never use double entendres I'm actually triple giving with poisonous single entendres

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Ovary Action 🍉🍉🍉 @ovaryaction.bsky.social · 17h

It's okay WiFi connection, I'm unstable too.

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Μαρια Κιτρινη @greekheanen.bsky.social · 6h

Neither miserable, nor happy,
but a secret more complicated third thing

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supernatural siren @porcelainsiren.bsky.social · 3d

good? morning, everyone! *winces*

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bloody bacon popsicle ✋ @gupton68.bsky.social · Jul 1

I just discovered that if you spend too long shaking it off in a public toilet it can get you into all sorts of trouble. Apparently you should only really be doing it to your own penis.

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bloody bacon popsicle ✋ @gupton68.bsky.social · May 18

My favouritest overs ranked:

10. feeling over the moon
9. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
8. The White Cliffs of Dover
7. do-overs
6. it’s over for you bitches
5. Bridge Over Troubled Water
4. Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture
3. The Overlook Hotel
2. 4 leaf clovers
1. Marty’s hoverboard

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · Oct 14

This day in history. 1926. Winnie-the-Pooh was published. You see, the 1920s was a simpler time when children's authors didn't need a sense of humour.

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The Bearminator @the-bearminator.bsky.social · 10h

If only every day really was like Sunday though.

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bloody bacon popsicle ✋ @gupton68.bsky.social · 1d

Someone at the supermarket asked if I knew where the cheese aisle was and it was just pure instinct to give them wrong directions so there was more cheese left for me.

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Post-it @postlurker2025.bsky.social · 4d

My new favorite expletive is “Holy cheese!!”

Thank you for your attention on this matter

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Frenchy's ghost prospecting and leader of ANTIFA @frenchys-goldau.bsky.social · 4d

I'm so old that my knees hurt even when I'm sleeping

- a memoir

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I've got a dad back @dadback.bsky.social · 19h

*inventing red velvet cake* ok, I love chocolate, but also when my poop looks like I just got fucked by the Kool-aid man, time to get bakin'

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Tony @elgecko.bsky.social · 22h

Breakfast of champion: anti-depressants and an energy drink.

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Kellaweena 🎃 @kellalena.bsky.social · 18h

I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I am the stabbiest.

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🏴‍☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴‍☠️ @jollyrobber.bsky.social · 19h

If her penchant for experimenting in the bedroom and the kitchen are comparable, you'd be wise to hold on to that one.

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Cosmic Clau @cosmicclau.bsky.social · 1d

look i may well shake out half a tub of grated parmesan onto my plate of pasta but i always do so through the little holes and not the giant spoon hole because i'm a lady with manners dammit

bloody bacon popsicle ✋ @gupton68.bsky.social · 10h

😂😂

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A Big Ail @kissabix.bsky.social · 22h

Making skin on mash because even I can't stand to be around my farts

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kattsdogma.bsky.social @kattsdogma.bsky.social · Mar 17

is it dusting, it’s dusting isn’t it

Your house is dusty? Try this

bloody bacon popsicle ✋ @gupton68.bsky.social · 10h

😂😂

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Greg the Miller @gregthemiller.bsky.social · 1d

Rage Against the Muh Peen