Tony
@tmoney68.bsky.social
I used to be funny on Twitter. I don’t even know what I’m doing here. Vinyl nerd, movie buff, husband, dad.
Reposted by Tony
When i die, I have 2 requests.
1. Scatter my remains on the beach
2. Do not cremate me.
1. Scatter my remains on the beach
2. Do not cremate me.
February 9, 2025 at 5:58 PM
When i die, I have 2 requests.
1. Scatter my remains on the beach
2. Do not cremate me.
1. Scatter my remains on the beach
2. Do not cremate me.
Reposted by Tony
My kids systematically check me for weaknesses like the velociraptors in Jurassic Park testing the fence
February 9, 2025 at 2:15 PM
My kids systematically check me for weaknesses like the velociraptors in Jurassic Park testing the fence
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[restaurant]
me: if it's a boy let's call him Barry
her: ok
waiter: good evening
me: good evening Barry
me: if it's a boy let's call him Barry
her: ok
waiter: good evening
me: good evening Barry
February 5, 2025 at 7:33 PM
[restaurant]
me: if it's a boy let's call him Barry
her: ok
waiter: good evening
me: good evening Barry
me: if it's a boy let's call him Barry
her: ok
waiter: good evening
me: good evening Barry
Reposted by Tony
Them: Don’t you just love it when-
Me: No.
Me: No.
February 7, 2025 at 6:22 PM
Them: Don’t you just love it when-
Me: No.
Me: No.
Reposted by Tony
You’d think this ninja blender would be a lot quieter.
January 31, 2025 at 4:58 AM
You’d think this ninja blender would be a lot quieter.
Reposted by Tony
It’s a great time to be dumb and mean-spirited
January 23, 2025 at 4:57 AM
It’s a great time to be dumb and mean-spirited
An 11-year-old tweet of mine just got used on the Oscars. Woohoo!
March 10, 2024 at 11:48 PM
An 11-year-old tweet of mine just got used on the Oscars. Woohoo!
Reposted by Tony
hello, 911? yes there are a bunch of people here and they are absolutely DEMANDING some figgy pudding
December 2, 2023 at 4:54 PM
hello, 911? yes there are a bunch of people here and they are absolutely DEMANDING some figgy pudding
Mrs. Claus: What are you thinking about?
Santa: [I’ve been married to her for 1200 years and NOT ONCE has she even offered to go along for the ride. What the fuck?] Making children happy.
Santa: [I’ve been married to her for 1200 years and NOT ONCE has she even offered to go along for the ride. What the fuck?] Making children happy.
December 2, 2023 at 6:38 AM
Mrs. Claus: What are you thinking about?
Santa: [I’ve been married to her for 1200 years and NOT ONCE has she even offered to go along for the ride. What the fuck?] Making children happy.
Santa: [I’ve been married to her for 1200 years and NOT ONCE has she even offered to go along for the ride. What the fuck?] Making children happy.
Had a colonoscopy today and I’m not trying to humblebrag, but guys, my a-hole is clean as a whistle.
November 14, 2023 at 12:44 AM
Had a colonoscopy today and I’m not trying to humblebrag, but guys, my a-hole is clean as a whistle.
I’m not saying my emotions are fragile today, but I DID just cry over an AT&T football helmet commercial.
November 4, 2023 at 7:08 PM
I’m not saying my emotions are fragile today, but I DID just cry over an AT&T football helmet commercial.
Reposted by Tony
If an anonymous murder victim is called John Doe, then an anonymous cannibal victim should be called Ed Dibble.
October 19, 2023 at 1:43 PM
If an anonymous murder victim is called John Doe, then an anonymous cannibal victim should be called Ed Dibble.
Reposted by Tony
Whoa, we're halfway there
Whoa oh, getting mauled by a bear
Whoa oh, getting mauled by a bear
October 14, 2023 at 6:21 PM
Whoa, we're halfway there
Whoa oh, getting mauled by a bear
Whoa oh, getting mauled by a bear
Reposted by Tony
Always dry your husband immediately after washing or he’ll become mildude.
October 15, 2023 at 2:11 PM
Always dry your husband immediately after washing or he’ll become mildude.
Reposted by Tony
I used to mix metaphors but that ship has flown.
October 19, 2023 at 11:46 AM
I used to mix metaphors but that ship has flown.
Reposted by Tony
Who called it a porn collection instead of a "whacks museum"?
October 19, 2023 at 12:54 PM
Who called it a porn collection instead of a "whacks museum"?
Reposted by Tony
I've had my eye on a specific burrito at the gas station for several days now. Just waiting for the price to come down on it.
October 19, 2023 at 1:25 PM
I've had my eye on a specific burrito at the gas station for several days now. Just waiting for the price to come down on it.
Reposted by Tony
coroner: it's natural, just air escaping the body
my wife: could we remove the kazoo
my wife: could we remove the kazoo
October 19, 2023 at 2:03 PM
coroner: it's natural, just air escaping the body
my wife: could we remove the kazoo
my wife: could we remove the kazoo
[Entomologist meeting]
Guy 1: We found a new, wingless bug. Any name ideas?
Guy who named the fly: A “crawl”?
Guy 1: Shut your goddamn mouth, Todd.
Guy 1: We found a new, wingless bug. Any name ideas?
Guy who named the fly: A “crawl”?
Guy 1: Shut your goddamn mouth, Todd.
October 2, 2023 at 10:20 PM
[Entomologist meeting]
Guy 1: We found a new, wingless bug. Any name ideas?
Guy who named the fly: A “crawl”?
Guy 1: Shut your goddamn mouth, Todd.
Guy 1: We found a new, wingless bug. Any name ideas?
Guy who named the fly: A “crawl”?
Guy 1: Shut your goddamn mouth, Todd.
Reposted by Tony
He died, you guys. He just fucken died.
September 28, 2023 at 4:41 AM
He died, you guys. He just fucken died.
Reposted by Tony
[first day as a nascar driver]
GPS: turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 f
GPS: turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 f
September 27, 2023 at 3:33 AM
[first day as a nascar driver]
GPS: turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 f
GPS: turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 feet turn left in 1000 f
Reposted by Tony
Smart phones.
Smart bombs.
Smart TVs.
Smart cars.
When are we going to start working on smart humans?
Smart bombs.
Smart TVs.
Smart cars.
When are we going to start working on smart humans?
September 27, 2023 at 10:11 AM
Smart phones.
Smart bombs.
Smart TVs.
Smart cars.
When are we going to start working on smart humans?
Smart bombs.
Smart TVs.
Smart cars.
When are we going to start working on smart humans?
Reposted by Tony
People who are like "but I can't make art so I need AI to make art" don't actually want to *make* art, they just want art with as little effort and cost as possible.
EVERYONE can make art. If the art you make in your chosen form isn't as good as you want, you have to practice. The end.
EVERYONE can make art. If the art you make in your chosen form isn't as good as you want, you have to practice. The end.
September 27, 2023 at 1:33 PM
People who are like "but I can't make art so I need AI to make art" don't actually want to *make* art, they just want art with as little effort and cost as possible.
EVERYONE can make art. If the art you make in your chosen form isn't as good as you want, you have to practice. The end.
EVERYONE can make art. If the art you make in your chosen form isn't as good as you want, you have to practice. The end.
Reposted by Tony
It's not a chore if you don't do it.
September 27, 2023 at 1:27 PM
It's not a chore if you don't do it.
Reposted by Tony
Doctor: How's your social life been?
Me, knowing I've only spoken out loud to animals this week: Thriving
Me, knowing I've only spoken out loud to animals this week: Thriving
September 25, 2023 at 2:32 PM
Doctor: How's your social life been?
Me, knowing I've only spoken out loud to animals this week: Thriving
Me, knowing I've only spoken out loud to animals this week: Thriving