Spork Lobotomy
@spork-lobotomy.bsky.social
Several monkeys with a typewriter and a deadline
Pinned
All of these "Genie in a Bottle" and "Be Careful What You Wish For" stories have been disastrous for my small town Monkey Paws business
I love that we say people are being extra by "beating a dead horse" as though beating a live horse is a perfectly normal and reasonable thing to do
October 24, 2025 at 11:12 PM
I love that we say people are being extra by "beating a dead horse" as though beating a live horse is a perfectly normal and reasonable thing to do
Reposted by Spork Lobotomy
Reposted by Spork Lobotomy
My Friend: *talking about a horrible life experience they just went through and are still dealing with*
Me: *waiting for them to stop talking so I can bring up this cool new pen I got*
Me: *waiting for them to stop talking so I can bring up this cool new pen I got*
October 23, 2025 at 7:32 PM
My Friend: *talking about a horrible life experience they just went through and are still dealing with*
Me: *waiting for them to stop talking so I can bring up this cool new pen I got*
Me: *waiting for them to stop talking so I can bring up this cool new pen I got*
Reposted by Spork Lobotomy
fuck punctuation this isnt a class
October 11, 2025 at 6:53 PM
fuck punctuation this isnt a class
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why does ancient cave art get so much attention it’s so basic
October 7, 2025 at 8:58 PM
why does ancient cave art get so much attention it’s so basic
Reposted by Spork Lobotomy
Flash mobs but two million people go completely limp wherever
October 10, 2025 at 1:33 PM
Flash mobs but two million people go completely limp wherever
Reposted by Spork Lobotomy
*quietly beatboxing while the judge delivers my sentence
October 7, 2025 at 4:24 PM
*quietly beatboxing while the judge delivers my sentence
I do this but at trials
heckling a comedian by saying "are you talkin' bout my wife?!" after every one of their bits
October 10, 2025 at 1:09 AM
I do this but at trials
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How hard do I have to shake the little glowing doom rectangle before dopamine comes out?
October 9, 2025 at 7:56 PM
How hard do I have to shake the little glowing doom rectangle before dopamine comes out?
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Stop your incessant silence.
September 11, 2025 at 7:54 PM
Stop your incessant silence.
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I'd rather see The Vulva Monologues than The Vagina Monologues. The latter is too deep.
October 9, 2025 at 6:05 PM
I'd rather see The Vulva Monologues than The Vagina Monologues. The latter is too deep.
In case y'all missed it, here is the unedited photo of the Texas National Guard being deployed into Chicago
October 9, 2025 at 8:15 PM
In case y'all missed it, here is the unedited photo of the Texas National Guard being deployed into Chicago
Reposted by Spork Lobotomy
I caught myself earlier with a fork dangerously close to my eye. Later, I found my eyeliner in the silverware drawer.
October 2, 2025 at 3:35 PM
I caught myself earlier with a fork dangerously close to my eye. Later, I found my eyeliner in the silverware drawer.
Reposted by Spork Lobotomy
and suddenly, it's cry o'clock
October 8, 2025 at 11:26 PM
and suddenly, it's cry o'clock
Hopping onto the bandwagon since I've already got a few of these
October 8, 2025 at 11:44 PM
Hopping onto the bandwagon since I've already got a few of these
My Chess Instructor *taking my rook*: You see, the trick is predicting all of your opponents moves in advance
Me *silently gripping the mallet hidden behind my back*: Oh, is that so?
Me *silently gripping the mallet hidden behind my back*: Oh, is that so?
October 8, 2025 at 7:02 PM
My Chess Instructor *taking my rook*: You see, the trick is predicting all of your opponents moves in advance
Me *silently gripping the mallet hidden behind my back*: Oh, is that so?
Me *silently gripping the mallet hidden behind my back*: Oh, is that so?
Reposted by Spork Lobotomy
I would die without coffee or maybe I would be okay
October 8, 2025 at 5:27 PM
I would die without coffee or maybe I would be okay
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whenever in doubt, always hip thrust
October 8, 2025 at 3:45 AM
whenever in doubt, always hip thrust
If I die fighting in a flame war, do I get to go to Valhalla or do I have to die in one of those normal war things?
October 8, 2025 at 4:38 PM
If I die fighting in a flame war, do I get to go to Valhalla or do I have to die in one of those normal war things?
My Spouse: Now, make love to me like you used to
Me: Poorly?
My Spouse:
Me: Poorly it is
Me: Poorly?
My Spouse:
Me: Poorly it is
October 8, 2025 at 3:01 PM
My Spouse: Now, make love to me like you used to
Me: Poorly?
My Spouse:
Me: Poorly it is
Me: Poorly?
My Spouse:
Me: Poorly it is
A romantic thriller where two people meet and fall in love through passive-aggressive post-it notes
October 8, 2025 at 2:54 PM
A romantic thriller where two people meet and fall in love through passive-aggressive post-it notes
RIP to Genghis Khan. You would've loved the fleshlight
October 8, 2025 at 4:04 AM
RIP to Genghis Khan. You would've loved the fleshlight
Reposted by Spork Lobotomy
a spaghetti guitar you can play one chord once, make it count
October 8, 2025 at 1:21 AM
a spaghetti guitar you can play one chord once, make it count