TooEarlyFishSndwch
@santacameearly.bsky.social
Pinned
Craig Finn Christmas album when
Reposted by TooEarlyFishSndwch
Guy in the British army that everyone likes: hey can you deliver this to the Leftennet?
Everyone else in the army trying to be nice: yes…that’s…how you pronounce it
Everyone else in the army trying to be nice: yes…that’s…how you pronounce it
February 13, 2026 at 2:15 AM
Guy in the British army that everyone likes: hey can you deliver this to the Leftennet?
Everyone else in the army trying to be nice: yes…that’s…how you pronounce it
Everyone else in the army trying to be nice: yes…that’s…how you pronounce it
Reposted by TooEarlyFishSndwch
Keys, Spare Change Fly Out Of Luge Athlete’s Pocket On First Turn
February 12, 2026 at 4:00 PM
Keys, Spare Change Fly Out Of Luge Athlete’s Pocket On First Turn
Reposted by TooEarlyFishSndwch
“What is the Trump administration”
February 10, 2026 at 11:52 PM
“What is the Trump administration”
Reposted by TooEarlyFishSndwch
Ogles telling on himself a little here. Was it the hunky dancers Andy? The ones who were dancing with ladies?
February 10, 2026 at 2:21 AM
Ogles telling on himself a little here. Was it the hunky dancers Andy? The ones who were dancing with ladies?
Reposted by TooEarlyFishSndwch
been tweeting some version of this since 2017
Congratulations to everyone who had "one" for how many black presidents it took for the "Tea Party" to demand a king.
Congratulations to everyone who had "one" for how many black presidents it took for the "Tea Party" to demand a king.
February 8, 2026 at 1:17 AM
been tweeting some version of this since 2017
Congratulations to everyone who had "one" for how many black presidents it took for the "Tea Party" to demand a king.
Congratulations to everyone who had "one" for how many black presidents it took for the "Tea Party" to demand a king.
Reposted by TooEarlyFishSndwch
Guy who tries to inject hyaluronic acid into his dick after seeing it in the news, but fucks up and only half his dick gets bigger, now it's all asymmetrical and weird.
He tries to even it out by injecting a bit elsewhere, but it's like fixing bangs or eyeliner, oh god now it's even worse.
He tries to even it out by injecting a bit elsewhere, but it's like fixing bangs or eyeliner, oh god now it's even worse.
February 7, 2026 at 6:20 AM
Guy who tries to inject hyaluronic acid into his dick after seeing it in the news, but fucks up and only half his dick gets bigger, now it's all asymmetrical and weird.
He tries to even it out by injecting a bit elsewhere, but it's like fixing bangs or eyeliner, oh god now it's even worse.
He tries to even it out by injecting a bit elsewhere, but it's like fixing bangs or eyeliner, oh god now it's even worse.
Reposted by TooEarlyFishSndwch
He looks like if the Bitter Beer Face guy had Benjamin Button disease.
He was born on this land.
Worked it with his bare hands. Spilled blood, sweat, and tears on it. And now America has forgotten about his contributions and left him behind… oh wait, I’m sorry. I’m being told this is Kid Rock.
Worked it with his bare hands. Spilled blood, sweat, and tears on it. And now America has forgotten about his contributions and left him behind… oh wait, I’m sorry. I’m being told this is Kid Rock.
February 7, 2026 at 3:45 AM
He looks like if the Bitter Beer Face guy had Benjamin Button disease.
Reposted by TooEarlyFishSndwch
AI Chatbot That Only Responds ‘Huh’ Valued At $200 Billion https://theonion.com/ai-chatbot-that-only-responds-huh-valued-at-200-billion/
February 5, 2026 at 4:00 PM
AI Chatbot That Only Responds ‘Huh’ Valued At $200 Billion https://theonion.com/ai-chatbot-that-only-responds-huh-valued-at-200-billion/
Reposted by TooEarlyFishSndwch
me proudly carrying the Olympic Torch but also looking at my phone
February 5, 2026 at 3:48 AM
me proudly carrying the Olympic Torch but also looking at my phone
Reposted by TooEarlyFishSndwch
i think homeschooling should be legal as long as the parents put up a $1m bond that people can later recover damages from if they have to interact with the homeschooled person later in life
February 3, 2026 at 8:18 PM
i think homeschooling should be legal as long as the parents put up a $1m bond that people can later recover damages from if they have to interact with the homeschooled person later in life
Reposted by TooEarlyFishSndwch
Having analyzed this frame by frame like the Zapruder film my verdict is the president did indeed have an Unidentified Ass Event at 0:34
February 1, 2026 at 8:47 PM
Having analyzed this frame by frame like the Zapruder film my verdict is the president did indeed have an Unidentified Ass Event at 0:34
Reposted by TooEarlyFishSndwch
Reposted by TooEarlyFishSndwch
Nice reaction. Let me guess, knee-jerk?
January 31, 2026 at 3:12 PM
Nice reaction. Let me guess, knee-jerk?
Reposted by TooEarlyFishSndwch
One way to know that there are zero good billionaires:
They all hang out together. They all know the same guys. They hire the same caterers, shop at the same places, etc.
If even a single one weren't a *total piece of absolute shit* they'd have yelled about Epstein like 20 years ago.
They all hang out together. They all know the same guys. They hire the same caterers, shop at the same places, etc.
If even a single one weren't a *total piece of absolute shit* they'd have yelled about Epstein like 20 years ago.
January 31, 2026 at 2:57 AM
One way to know that there are zero good billionaires:
They all hang out together. They all know the same guys. They hire the same caterers, shop at the same places, etc.
If even a single one weren't a *total piece of absolute shit* they'd have yelled about Epstein like 20 years ago.
They all hang out together. They all know the same guys. They hire the same caterers, shop at the same places, etc.
If even a single one weren't a *total piece of absolute shit* they'd have yelled about Epstein like 20 years ago.
Reposted by TooEarlyFishSndwch
One of the biggest reasons I know that everything is fucked up right now is that I agree with Rand Paul about something once every couple of weeks now. That's an unnatural state of affairs. It's the world screaming out for help is what it is. bsky.app/profile/atru...
Rand Paul: "There has to be an investigation. I don't know who trusts an investigation done by DHS when they're the ones calling this person an 'assassin,' a 'domestic terrorist,' saying he was assaulting police. How can they be in charge of an independent investigation? Something's got to happen."
January 28, 2026 at 3:52 PM
One of the biggest reasons I know that everything is fucked up right now is that I agree with Rand Paul about something once every couple of weeks now. That's an unnatural state of affairs. It's the world screaming out for help is what it is. bsky.app/profile/atru...
Reposted by TooEarlyFishSndwch
Greg Bovino sadly filling one steamer trunk after another with elaborate fashy overcoats, the teargas canisters he always has bouncing around on him like labubus, and dozens of "chest-belts." They will be shipped ahead of him as he prepares to return to his home, which is a men's size 10 boot.
January 27, 2026 at 12:18 AM
Greg Bovino sadly filling one steamer trunk after another with elaborate fashy overcoats, the teargas canisters he always has bouncing around on him like labubus, and dozens of "chest-belts." They will be shipped ahead of him as he prepares to return to his home, which is a men's size 10 boot.
Reposted by TooEarlyFishSndwch
They overplayed their hand and there's blood in the water. One lesson to take is that Trump never seems powerful for long: though he ruins many lives in his attempt to demonstrate dominance, his next nadir is always right around the corner.
They are wounded and flailing. Press the advantage.
January 27, 2026 at 12:33 AM
They overplayed their hand and there's blood in the water. One lesson to take is that Trump never seems powerful for long: though he ruins many lives in his attempt to demonstrate dominance, his next nadir is always right around the corner.
Reposted by TooEarlyFishSndwch
Adjusting the switch again
January 26, 2026 at 7:21 PM
Adjusting the switch again
Reposted by TooEarlyFishSndwch
Losing the Post is… wow
NY Post editorial board: "The alacritous and misleading rhetoric coming out of the administration needs to stop ... DHS Secretary Kristi Noem should also take a break from her self-promoting and combative TV hits."
nypost.com/2026/01/25/o...
nypost.com/2026/01/25/o...
What Trump’s next move needs to be in Minneapolis
It’s time to de-escalate in Minneapolis, Mr. President.
nypost.com
January 26, 2026 at 3:47 AM
Losing the Post is… wow
Reposted by TooEarlyFishSndwch
one time I was walking down a London street and someone whistled for a cab and I died on the spot, it was traumatic af
Whistles are now WMDs, according to the "high IQ" crowd.
January 25, 2026 at 8:10 PM
one time I was walking down a London street and someone whistled for a cab and I died on the spot, it was traumatic af
Reposted by TooEarlyFishSndwch
At the end of the day, the Black Lives Matter era was about whether people should be killed in the street, and lots of people decided yeah and put those little blue flags on their cars. It spread to everyone because it stopped for no one.
January 24, 2026 at 4:45 PM
At the end of the day, the Black Lives Matter era was about whether people should be killed in the street, and lots of people decided yeah and put those little blue flags on their cars. It spread to everyone because it stopped for no one.
Reposted by TooEarlyFishSndwch
It’s looking likely that 2025 may have had the lowest homicide rate in OVER A CENTURY.
Perhaps since 1900.
An absolutely staggering decline, and a huge—and for now poorly-understood—policy success.
Perhaps since 1900.
An absolutely staggering decline, and a huge—and for now poorly-understood—policy success.
U.S. murder rate hits lowest level since 1900, report says
Murders fell 21% in 2025 — the sharpest one-year decline ever tracked.
www.axios.com
January 22, 2026 at 3:41 PM
It’s looking likely that 2025 may have had the lowest homicide rate in OVER A CENTURY.
Perhaps since 1900.
An absolutely staggering decline, and a huge—and for now poorly-understood—policy success.
Perhaps since 1900.
An absolutely staggering decline, and a huge—and for now poorly-understood—policy success.
Reposted by TooEarlyFishSndwch
You know who else had holes in his hands.
January 22, 2026 at 3:46 PM
You know who else had holes in his hands.
Reposted by TooEarlyFishSndwch
An epic game of telephone.
January 22, 2026 at 1:50 AM
An epic game of telephone.