TracieBreaux
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traciebreaux.bsky.social
TracieBreaux
@traciebreaux.bsky.social
10K followers 680 following 190 posts
Cajun, crawfish eater and ice road trucker. I'm still calling my posts tweets on here. https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:dzdcofxcag6e5hrz3moguzke/feed/aaacc7ag7jus6
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I told my husband he was making too many desserts and he said “I’m willing to whisk it all for you” so I stabbed him with a fork
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I thought I saw a severed foot under a car in the liquor store parking lot, but someone was attached to it. Life is disappointing.
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They met on the bridge.
It was love at first sight.
He was an American.
She was a Pole.
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Ironically, Mike was standing on B♭ when the truck hit him.
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perpetrators of sesame street cookie heist set to be arraigned today
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Do bras have those little bows so ladies know which is frontways?

411 operator: (heavy sigh) again sir, not that kind of information
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Oh hey, check out this cursed thing that I originally thought was a mole.
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Me: *tips the waiter*

Waiter: *angrily climbing out of the lobster tank*
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Kid rummaging through ashtray: What happened to your change?

Me: I used it for the snack machine, so it became my exchange.

Kid: I'll be in my room researching how to become emancipated
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CW: biopsy and pain. At risk of TMI, I'm going to be serious for a moment. The medical community seriously needs to find a way to make certain procedures less painful for cis women. This issue has been around for a long time and been in the news a lot but little has changed. Long story short, I
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I'm telling ya, this dog is a strange little man
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I’m not trying to make anyone jealous but my husband is really good at letting the dirty dishes soak
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wow, all this existential dread on top of my own internal dread, life is truly a delight
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I love the smell of hypocrisy in the morning.
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How could we be expected to learn table manners growing up when we constantly saw Cookie Monster smash cookies in a crumb-flinging frenzy on public television?
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When I’m feeling nonverbal it’s fine because I just reskeet the funny and thoughtful people
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I’m kind of in a book club. My coworker read a book, tells me about it and I say Hmm, that sounds interesting.
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Studies show eating three whole pizzas for dinner is way healthier than being eaten by a bear.
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Can’t tell if I’m in a zombie apocalypse or if it’s just Monday. Everyone’s shuffling around, groaning, and dead behind the eyes.
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Whenever anyone says something stupid my flanks shiver like a water buffalo who’s been shot with a tranquilizer dart before collapsing on a termite hill
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The only monster under my bed I can't be friends with is Cookie Monster, for obvious reasons.
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Top tip: never let the waiter get away with serving corked wine or stale bread, no matter how many times they argue that “I’m just a priest” or insist “you’re ruining the Communion service again!”
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Is this a personal grudge, or can anyone join in?
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Sometimes you don’t see what’s right in front of you, sometimes you see what’s missing, sometimes you eat spaghetti out of a big red bowl