Jason Not Evil
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jasonnotevil.bsky.social
Jason Not Evil
@jasonnotevil.bsky.social
5x Heisman Trophy winner, Double EGOT, part-time God

https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:jabrgwziynokgmh6fcbzycnv/feed/aaagejegk2djq
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I only need to lose 30 pounds by the end of the year to hit my resolution to lose 20 pounds
her: did you schedule your colonoscopy yet?

me: with these tariffs?
May 17, 2025 at 9:54 PM
Reposted by Jason Not Evil
When the IT guy takes over my computer remotely
May 16, 2025 at 11:51 AM
I have a horrible cold and that qualifies as good news in 2025
February 1, 2025 at 1:53 AM
December 11, 2024 at 1:49 AM
Reposted by Jason Not Evil
gimme yule
gimme fire
don me now with gay attire
November 16, 2023 at 12:56 AM
My brain and my back can't possibly be the same age
December 8, 2024 at 11:30 PM
Reposted by Jason Not Evil
Sometimes when dogs sniff me I am absolutely convinced they're weighing how much flesh they'd have to chew to get to my bones but I'm still like aww what a good puppy
November 30, 2024 at 5:48 PM
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optimus prime: did she just wink at me?

me: i think she’s turning left
December 6, 2024 at 12:16 AM
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just repeating the phrase "hawk tuah girl meme coin" over and over until my brain is as smooth as a polished stone
December 5, 2024 at 5:53 PM
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Pleading insanity in small claims court.
December 6, 2024 at 1:33 AM
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accidentally cut some dude off in traffic and he told me to suck his dick but i probably won’t tbh
December 6, 2024 at 2:56 AM
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When my parents said they were going to key parties I imagined a bunch of nerdy antique key collectors showing off their prized items to each other.

Turns out that was pretty close.
December 5, 2024 at 10:27 AM
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I drank too much Smart Water and now I can hear math.
December 6, 2024 at 3:48 AM
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[to the assassin] omg do me next
December 4, 2024 at 9:02 PM
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My mom answers the phone like she's in the middle of defusing a bomb
December 6, 2024 at 12:28 AM
Probably not a great sign for your industry when a lot of people are rooting for your murderer
December 6, 2024 at 2:47 AM
Reposted by Jason Not Evil
I only need to lose 30 pounds by the end of the year to hit my resolution to lose 20 pounds
December 16, 2023 at 3:37 AM
Reposted by Jason Not Evil
I am here to make friends with other Cybertruck haters
December 4, 2024 at 1:04 AM
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God I love institutionalized gluttony
November 29, 2024 at 1:57 AM
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my family has decided on our rap group names. the kids are lil handsoap and lil plunger, and apparently I'm big wet wipe
November 29, 2024 at 2:07 AM
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the rule is whoever kills the turkey becomes the next turkey like in the santa clause
November 29, 2024 at 12:10 AM
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Everyone at Thanksgiving dinner seems wary after my 29 bud lights but I haven't even started on social issues issues yet
November 29, 2024 at 12:25 AM
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"Is good hotel."

- Putin, on The Ritz
November 29, 2024 at 12:48 AM
Reposted by Jason Not Evil
I said this shirt is pajamas.
P-A-J-A-M-A-S
November 29, 2024 at 1:37 AM