Jason Not Evil
@jasonnotevil.bsky.social
5x Heisman Trophy winner, Double EGOT, part-time God
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:jabrgwziynokgmh6fcbzycnv/feed/aaagejegk2djq
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:jabrgwziynokgmh6fcbzycnv/feed/aaagejegk2djq
Pinned
Jason Not Evil
@jasonnotevil.bsky.social
· Dec 16
I only need to lose 30 pounds by the end of the year to hit my resolution to lose 20 pounds
her: did you schedule your colonoscopy yet?
me: with these tariffs?
me: with these tariffs?
May 17, 2025 at 9:54 PM
her: did you schedule your colonoscopy yet?
me: with these tariffs?
me: with these tariffs?
Reposted by Jason Not Evil
When the IT guy takes over my computer remotely
May 16, 2025 at 11:51 AM
When the IT guy takes over my computer remotely
I have a horrible cold and that qualifies as good news in 2025
February 1, 2025 at 1:53 AM
I have a horrible cold and that qualifies as good news in 2025
Reposted by Jason Not Evil
gimme yule
gimme fire
don me now with gay attire
gimme fire
don me now with gay attire
November 16, 2023 at 12:56 AM
gimme yule
gimme fire
don me now with gay attire
gimme fire
don me now with gay attire
My brain and my back can't possibly be the same age
December 8, 2024 at 11:30 PM
My brain and my back can't possibly be the same age
Reposted by Jason Not Evil
Sometimes when dogs sniff me I am absolutely convinced they're weighing how much flesh they'd have to chew to get to my bones but I'm still like aww what a good puppy
November 30, 2024 at 5:48 PM
Sometimes when dogs sniff me I am absolutely convinced they're weighing how much flesh they'd have to chew to get to my bones but I'm still like aww what a good puppy
Reposted by Jason Not Evil
optimus prime: did she just wink at me?
me: i think she’s turning left
me: i think she’s turning left
December 6, 2024 at 12:16 AM
optimus prime: did she just wink at me?
me: i think she’s turning left
me: i think she’s turning left
Reposted by Jason Not Evil
just repeating the phrase "hawk tuah girl meme coin" over and over until my brain is as smooth as a polished stone
December 5, 2024 at 5:53 PM
just repeating the phrase "hawk tuah girl meme coin" over and over until my brain is as smooth as a polished stone
Reposted by Jason Not Evil
Pleading insanity in small claims court.
December 6, 2024 at 1:33 AM
Pleading insanity in small claims court.
Reposted by Jason Not Evil
accidentally cut some dude off in traffic and he told me to suck his dick but i probably won’t tbh
December 6, 2024 at 2:56 AM
accidentally cut some dude off in traffic and he told me to suck his dick but i probably won’t tbh
Reposted by Jason Not Evil
When my parents said they were going to key parties I imagined a bunch of nerdy antique key collectors showing off their prized items to each other.
Turns out that was pretty close.
Turns out that was pretty close.
December 5, 2024 at 10:27 AM
When my parents said they were going to key parties I imagined a bunch of nerdy antique key collectors showing off their prized items to each other.
Turns out that was pretty close.
Turns out that was pretty close.
Reposted by Jason Not Evil
I drank too much Smart Water and now I can hear math.
December 6, 2024 at 3:48 AM
I drank too much Smart Water and now I can hear math.
Reposted by Jason Not Evil
[to the assassin] omg do me next
December 4, 2024 at 9:02 PM
[to the assassin] omg do me next
Reposted by Jason Not Evil
My mom answers the phone like she's in the middle of defusing a bomb
December 6, 2024 at 12:28 AM
My mom answers the phone like she's in the middle of defusing a bomb
Probably not a great sign for your industry when a lot of people are rooting for your murderer
December 6, 2024 at 2:47 AM
Probably not a great sign for your industry when a lot of people are rooting for your murderer
Reposted by Jason Not Evil
I only need to lose 30 pounds by the end of the year to hit my resolution to lose 20 pounds
December 16, 2023 at 3:37 AM
I only need to lose 30 pounds by the end of the year to hit my resolution to lose 20 pounds
Reposted by Jason Not Evil
I am here to make friends with other Cybertruck haters
December 4, 2024 at 1:04 AM
I am here to make friends with other Cybertruck haters
Reposted by Jason Not Evil
God I love institutionalized gluttony
November 29, 2024 at 1:57 AM
God I love institutionalized gluttony
Reposted by Jason Not Evil
my family has decided on our rap group names. the kids are lil handsoap and lil plunger, and apparently I'm big wet wipe
November 29, 2024 at 2:07 AM
my family has decided on our rap group names. the kids are lil handsoap and lil plunger, and apparently I'm big wet wipe
Reposted by Jason Not Evil
the rule is whoever kills the turkey becomes the next turkey like in the santa clause
November 29, 2024 at 12:10 AM
the rule is whoever kills the turkey becomes the next turkey like in the santa clause
Reposted by Jason Not Evil
Everyone at Thanksgiving dinner seems wary after my 29 bud lights but I haven't even started on social issues issues yet
November 29, 2024 at 12:25 AM
Everyone at Thanksgiving dinner seems wary after my 29 bud lights but I haven't even started on social issues issues yet
Reposted by Jason Not Evil
"Is good hotel."
- Putin, on The Ritz
- Putin, on The Ritz
November 29, 2024 at 12:48 AM
"Is good hotel."
- Putin, on The Ritz
- Putin, on The Ritz
Reposted by Jason Not Evil
I said this shirt is pajamas.
P-A-J-A-M-A-S
P-A-J-A-M-A-S
November 29, 2024 at 1:37 AM
I said this shirt is pajamas.
P-A-J-A-M-A-S
P-A-J-A-M-A-S