Fomo Simpson
@haliphacks.bsky.social
Keeping it funny on Bluesky since its early days as a radio show.
My posts ➜ https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:kla5p6qnfqixl6bgwbttabhh/feed/aaadag4p2jrvk
My posts ➜ https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:kla5p6qnfqixl6bgwbttabhh/feed/aaadag4p2jrvk
Pinned
Fomo Simpson
@haliphacks.bsky.social
· Feb 1
February is the "overslept on a Monday morning" of months.
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
Make little changes to benefit your health. Switch from soda to water. Take the stairs. Eat apples instead of bread with your nightly cheese snack. Take longer baths. Longer. Like 4 hours. Instead of water, bathe in the blood of your enemies. Stop consuming and donate.
February 5, 2026 at 1:34 AM
Make little changes to benefit your health. Switch from soda to water. Take the stairs. Eat apples instead of bread with your nightly cheese snack. Take longer baths. Longer. Like 4 hours. Instead of water, bathe in the blood of your enemies. Stop consuming and donate.
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
I tried Activia so I'd be regular but I'm still weird as fuck.
January 24, 2026 at 6:19 AM
I tried Activia so I'd be regular but I'm still weird as fuck.
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
In Last of the Mohicans they hide behind a waterfall so it’s a video game movie
June 1, 2025 at 10:31 PM
In Last of the Mohicans they hide behind a waterfall so it’s a video game movie
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
5 things you can accidentally do in your pants. Number 2 will surprise you
July 23, 2024 at 1:55 AM
5 things you can accidentally do in your pants. Number 2 will surprise you
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
I'm so old that I saw the original Star Wars in a theater on its original run. I don't want to go out to see the Melania documentary in case it has the same kind of long line to get in.
January 31, 2026 at 8:55 PM
I'm so old that I saw the original Star Wars in a theater on its original run. I don't want to go out to see the Melania documentary in case it has the same kind of long line to get in.
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
*performs sax solo*
Whoops, typo...
*performs sex, solo*
Whoops, typo...
*performs sex, solo*
November 30, 2024 at 3:08 PM
*performs sax solo*
Whoops, typo...
*performs sex, solo*
Whoops, typo...
*performs sex, solo*
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
My massage therapist: what areas do you want me to focus on today?
Me: My neck, my back...
*intense eye contact*
Me: My neck, my back...
*intense eye contact*
December 16, 2024 at 5:56 PM
My massage therapist: what areas do you want me to focus on today?
Me: My neck, my back...
*intense eye contact*
Me: My neck, my back...
*intense eye contact*
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
Haven't done this in a while but it's a
🩸S K E E T C A L L🩸
Drop your funniest post below, any theme, and if I think it's funny I'll reskeet it! I want to put the comedy back into my skyline, if only for one night.
🩸S K E E T C A L L🩸
Drop your funniest post below, any theme, and if I think it's funny I'll reskeet it! I want to put the comedy back into my skyline, if only for one night.
February 5, 2026 at 1:38 AM
Haven't done this in a while but it's a
🩸S K E E T C A L L🩸
Drop your funniest post below, any theme, and if I think it's funny I'll reskeet it! I want to put the comedy back into my skyline, if only for one night.
🩸S K E E T C A L L🩸
Drop your funniest post below, any theme, and if I think it's funny I'll reskeet it! I want to put the comedy back into my skyline, if only for one night.
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
February is the "overslept on a Monday morning" of months.
February 1, 2025 at 4:46 PM
February is the "overslept on a Monday morning" of months.
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
Cabin crew: Is there a Dr on board?
Me: I am a Dr
Cabin crew: Thank God. We have a question about the 18th century textile trade in Northern Africa
Me: Ah. I'm afraid my PhD is in the ceramics of Northern Europe, 1672 - 1701
Me: I am a Dr
Cabin crew: Thank God. We have a question about the 18th century textile trade in Northern Africa
Me: Ah. I'm afraid my PhD is in the ceramics of Northern Europe, 1672 - 1701
October 30, 2023 at 7:08 PM
Cabin crew: Is there a Dr on board?
Me: I am a Dr
Cabin crew: Thank God. We have a question about the 18th century textile trade in Northern Africa
Me: Ah. I'm afraid my PhD is in the ceramics of Northern Europe, 1672 - 1701
Me: I am a Dr
Cabin crew: Thank God. We have a question about the 18th century textile trade in Northern Africa
Me: Ah. I'm afraid my PhD is in the ceramics of Northern Europe, 1672 - 1701
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
Long story short, I got fired from the salon due to misunderstanding facial...
February 4, 2026 at 4:39 AM
Long story short, I got fired from the salon due to misunderstanding facial...
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
There is no I in team but there sure is one in ambivalence.
February 4, 2026 at 2:12 PM
There is no I in team but there sure is one in ambivalence.
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
I've graduated from basic bitch to advanced bitch ask me how
February 4, 2026 at 7:25 PM
I've graduated from basic bitch to advanced bitch ask me how
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
Oh sure, everyone likes the weird girl when they want to get rid of a curse
February 4, 2026 at 6:04 PM
Oh sure, everyone likes the weird girl when they want to get rid of a curse
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
What the world needs now is an 80s movie montage
February 4, 2026 at 6:39 PM
What the world needs now is an 80s movie montage
Here I am, pop and lock me like a hurricane.
February 4, 2026 at 1:30 PM
Here I am, pop and lock me like a hurricane.
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
Mouthwatering if literal: groundhog
February 2, 2025 at 1:17 PM
Mouthwatering if literal: groundhog
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
*presses lips against mic*
I wished I sanitized this first
I wished I sanitized this first
November 21, 2025 at 1:30 PM
*presses lips against mic*
I wished I sanitized this first
I wished I sanitized this first
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
who up buying sizzlean on the dark web
February 3, 2026 at 1:19 AM
who up buying sizzlean on the dark web
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
Who up who baking Dolly Brownies with me?
February 3, 2026 at 2:49 AM
Who up who baking Dolly Brownies with me?
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
Not seeing a shadow is lowkey goated when spring is a vibe.
February 2, 2026 at 1:30 PM
Not seeing a shadow is lowkey goated when spring is a vibe.
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
My neighbor Randy saw his shadow today so it looks like we’ll be experiencing six more weeks of drunken front yard kung fu
February 2, 2025 at 5:32 PM
My neighbor Randy saw his shadow today so it looks like we’ll be experiencing six more weeks of drunken front yard kung fu
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
autocorrect just changed pussy to pushy and now i can't shtop shexting like Sean Connery
June 28, 2025 at 11:48 AM
autocorrect just changed pussy to pushy and now i can't shtop shexting like Sean Connery
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
*looks up from blow job*
Are you gonna repost me now?
Are you gonna repost me now?
January 27, 2026 at 5:25 PM
*looks up from blow job*
Are you gonna repost me now?
Are you gonna repost me now?
Reposted by Fomo Simpson
My 10yo just told me he and his friends call most women "slay besties" and
I
Am
Verklempt.
I
Am
Verklempt.
February 2, 2026 at 3:39 AM
My 10yo just told me he and his friends call most women "slay besties" and
I
Am
Verklempt.
I
Am
Verklempt.