Pinned
Autotuned
@autotuned.bsky.social
· Nov 23
Just got your text.
Are we still on for last night?
Are we still on for last night?
Reposted by Autotuned
Joined the Flat Earth Society for the 50% discount on round-the-world air tickets.
December 17, 2025 at 7:44 PM
Joined the Flat Earth Society for the 50% discount on round-the-world air tickets.
Reposted by Autotuned
Cover me in potato chips and tell me I’m salty.
December 14, 2025 at 4:52 PM
Cover me in potato chips and tell me I’m salty.
Reposted by Autotuned
I’m wearing my beer goggles to this eye exam. Idgaf
March 9, 2025 at 2:34 PM
I’m wearing my beer goggles to this eye exam. Idgaf
Reposted by Autotuned
Seems the lines in this parking lot are only a suggestion
May 3, 2025 at 2:20 PM
Seems the lines in this parking lot are only a suggestion
Reposted by Autotuned
Never clapped when I was happy a day in my life
December 13, 2025 at 4:35 AM
Never clapped when I was happy a day in my life
A cigarette after sex is just the receipt for well made bad decisions
December 13, 2025 at 1:18 AM
A cigarette after sex is just the receipt for well made bad decisions
I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life
December 11, 2025 at 9:38 PM
I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life
Reposted by Autotuned
Cloudy with a Chance of Calzones
December 11, 2025 at 8:13 PM
Cloudy with a Chance of Calzones
Reposted by Autotuned
I like to leave the chip bag open so they absorb the flavor of my house
December 10, 2025 at 3:18 PM
I like to leave the chip bag open so they absorb the flavor of my house
She’s more like hot sauce and less like Xanax
December 10, 2025 at 12:35 AM
She’s more like hot sauce and less like Xanax
Reposted by Autotuned
With the skills and abilities I have at talking myself out of bed in the morning, I should be a hostage negotiator.
December 8, 2025 at 1:22 PM
With the skills and abilities I have at talking myself out of bed in the morning, I should be a hostage negotiator.
At least the musical gear I purchase is never recalled for salmonella or e coli or some shit like that
December 8, 2025 at 11:59 AM
At least the musical gear I purchase is never recalled for salmonella or e coli or some shit like that
Reposted by Autotuned
“I’m out on a day pass and have a curfew,” I flirted.
December 6, 2025 at 10:21 PM
“I’m out on a day pass and have a curfew,” I flirted.
Reposted by Autotuned
Got tased at bingo again
December 6, 2025 at 6:38 PM
Got tased at bingo again
Reposted by Autotuned
What wine pairs well with shut the fuck up?
December 6, 2025 at 10:08 PM
What wine pairs well with shut the fuck up?
Reposted by Autotuned
My brain can remember a random event from 10 years ago, but can easily forget why I walked into a room 10 seconds ago.
December 7, 2025 at 1:03 PM
My brain can remember a random event from 10 years ago, but can easily forget why I walked into a room 10 seconds ago.
You know she’s in the holiday spirit when she gets some mistletoe tattooed on her ass
December 7, 2025 at 2:21 AM
You know she’s in the holiday spirit when she gets some mistletoe tattooed on her ass
Reposted by Autotuned
I already miss hating the summer heat
December 5, 2025 at 2:31 AM
I already miss hating the summer heat
Reposted by Autotuned
Is it okay to drag your feet and shock someone on the first date?
December 6, 2025 at 3:40 AM
Is it okay to drag your feet and shock someone on the first date?
Reposted by Autotuned
Like a bad sequel, I’m back.
Same plot, less budget
Same plot, less budget
December 5, 2025 at 6:27 PM
Like a bad sequel, I’m back.
Same plot, less budget
Same plot, less budget
Reposted by Autotuned
Happy low tire pressure season to all who celebrate.
December 5, 2025 at 1:45 PM
Happy low tire pressure season to all who celebrate.
Reposted by Autotuned
day 2468 of hitting the pizza button on the microwave and still no pizza
December 6, 2025 at 5:21 PM
day 2468 of hitting the pizza button on the microwave and still no pizza
Reposted by Autotuned
Hot Take: Eggnog is the cranberry sauce of Christmas.
December 5, 2025 at 12:56 PM
Hot Take: Eggnog is the cranberry sauce of Christmas.
Reposted by Autotuned
My bank flagged my debit card for fraud because I spent $46 at the liquor store. Like omg assholes, sometimes I’m fun.
September 26, 2025 at 11:27 PM
My bank flagged my debit card for fraud because I spent $46 at the liquor store. Like omg assholes, sometimes I’m fun.