Bread John
@breadery.bsky.social
Punk Rock and Parmesan
Recent - https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:566sub3fdgtvfbz6rofa7ngj/feed/aaamhjf5b37di
Decent - https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:q6gjnaw2blty4crticxkmujt/feed/bangers
Recent - https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:566sub3fdgtvfbz6rofa7ngj/feed/aaamhjf5b37di
Decent - https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:q6gjnaw2blty4crticxkmujt/feed/bangers
Pinned
Bread John
@breadery.bsky.social
· Feb 11
[Huddled in a van outside the bank]
Okay, so we're gonna do this, did you bring the balaclavas?
Me: Oh No.
*Reveals tray of stunning freshly baked baklava*
Okay, so we're gonna do this, did you bring the balaclavas?
Me: Oh No.
*Reveals tray of stunning freshly baked baklava*
You can't even roast a baby in the oven for an hour at 200 degrees celsius these days because of woke.
June 22, 2025 at 12:13 PM
You can't even roast a baby in the oven for an hour at 200 degrees celsius these days because of woke.
Reposted by Bread John
Bring back tamagochis. I want to kill something pure and innocent
June 19, 2025 at 12:08 PM
Bring back tamagochis. I want to kill something pure and innocent
Reposted by Bread John
Despite being a creature of a damp, dank, subterranean cavern, I am surprisingly flammable.
June 20, 2025 at 1:36 PM
Despite being a creature of a damp, dank, subterranean cavern, I am surprisingly flammable.
Reposted by Bread John
It's supposedly the NBA finals but they keep coming back every year
June 20, 2025 at 3:28 PM
It's supposedly the NBA finals but they keep coming back every year
Reposted by Bread John
“i’m good and you?” I say to my coworker as the government is kidnapping my community, bombing everywhere with brown people, and my immune system attacks my own body leaving me disabled.
June 20, 2025 at 3:59 PM
“i’m good and you?” I say to my coworker as the government is kidnapping my community, bombing everywhere with brown people, and my immune system attacks my own body leaving me disabled.
Reposted by Bread John
my actual deal breaker:
you keep your indoor temp at anything above 70°F
you keep your indoor temp at anything above 70°F
June 20, 2025 at 10:38 PM
my actual deal breaker:
you keep your indoor temp at anything above 70°F
you keep your indoor temp at anything above 70°F
Reposted by Bread John
The enemy of my enemy is an even bigger little bitch
June 5, 2025 at 7:34 PM
The enemy of my enemy is an even bigger little bitch
Reposted by Bread John
my dentist says that out of all his patients, i have the cutest teeth
June 20, 2025 at 11:27 PM
my dentist says that out of all his patients, i have the cutest teeth
Reposted by Bread John
a dude referred to my tits as cherries and because i’d never heard it before I had to ask “what cherries where?” and now we are in a weird standoff about melons versus cherries and how am I 46 and this is my reality
June 21, 2025 at 5:16 PM
a dude referred to my tits as cherries and because i’d never heard it before I had to ask “what cherries where?” and now we are in a weird standoff about melons versus cherries and how am I 46 and this is my reality
Reposted by Bread John
it takes a lot of effort to get a crowd to start the wave which no one at this funeral seems to appreciate
June 21, 2025 at 6:59 PM
it takes a lot of effort to get a crowd to start the wave which no one at this funeral seems to appreciate
Reposted by Bread John
80% of being a dad is just turning off light switches and locking doors
June 16, 2025 at 12:14 AM
80% of being a dad is just turning off light switches and locking doors
Reposted by Bread John
An escape room, but we just lock kids in a library and they have to use the Dewey decimal system to find their way out.
June 20, 2025 at 1:40 PM
An escape room, but we just lock kids in a library and they have to use the Dewey decimal system to find their way out.
Reposted by Bread John
I guess putting lead back into paint is next
June 20, 2025 at 5:06 PM
I guess putting lead back into paint is next
Reposted by Bread John
Remember when that guy fucked a pie?
June 11, 2025 at 4:56 PM
Remember when that guy fucked a pie?
Reposted by Bread John
DONT LEAVE HOT DOGS IN CARS
June 18, 2025 at 12:50 AM
DONT LEAVE HOT DOGS IN CARS
Reposted by Bread John
sex so good he forgets every word but your name and now you have to order for him at restaurants
June 16, 2025 at 11:28 AM
sex so good he forgets every word but your name and now you have to order for him at restaurants
Reposted by Bread John
i’m not ready for ww3 i haven’t had a threesome yet
June 17, 2025 at 1:28 AM
i’m not ready for ww3 i haven’t had a threesome yet
Reposted by Bread John
people with big boobs should be able to squeeze them real hard to zoom out of uncomfortable situations like a loose balloon
June 17, 2025 at 2:49 PM
people with big boobs should be able to squeeze them real hard to zoom out of uncomfortable situations like a loose balloon
Reposted by Bread John
sorry i cannot handle any more “THIS SCARY THING SHOULD SCARE YOU” headlines i am already dead
June 17, 2025 at 6:44 PM
sorry i cannot handle any more “THIS SCARY THING SHOULD SCARE YOU” headlines i am already dead
Reposted by Bread John
i’ve been doing some introspection and i think i should start mongering more
June 19, 2025 at 4:30 AM
i’ve been doing some introspection and i think i should start mongering more
Reposted by Bread John
[looking around the internet squinting, hands on my hips]
i’m…i’m good i think i know enough men already
i’m…i’m good i think i know enough men already
June 19, 2025 at 10:08 PM
[looking around the internet squinting, hands on my hips]
i’m…i’m good i think i know enough men already
i’m…i’m good i think i know enough men already
Reposted by Bread John
make sexy time more fun by announcing “we are now approaching the tunnel please remain calm” in your best train conductor voice
June 20, 2025 at 4:14 PM
make sexy time more fun by announcing “we are now approaching the tunnel please remain calm” in your best train conductor voice
Reposted by Bread John
i used to think it was “cannon father” like the big bad dad of all the baby cannons
June 21, 2025 at 2:41 AM
i used to think it was “cannon father” like the big bad dad of all the baby cannons
Reposted by Bread John
so who’s coming to the wwiii orgy/cuddle party/we had a good run humanity event i’m arranging the body pillows and i need a head count
June 22, 2025 at 2:13 AM
so who’s coming to the wwiii orgy/cuddle party/we had a good run humanity event i’m arranging the body pillows and i need a head count
Reposted by Bread John
Overheard at the diner:
“Yeah, I can eat that. I got teeth now.”
“Yeah, I can eat that. I got teeth now.”
June 16, 2025 at 8:24 PM
Overheard at the diner:
“Yeah, I can eat that. I got teeth now.”
“Yeah, I can eat that. I got teeth now.”