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breadery.bsky.social
Bread John
@breadery.bsky.social
3.6K followers 430 following 270 posts
Punk Rock and Parmesan Recent - https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:566sub3fdgtvfbz6rofa7ngj/feed/aaamhjf5b37di Decent - https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:q6gjnaw2blty4crticxkmujt/feed/bangers
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breadery.bsky.social
Bread John @breadery.bsky.social · Feb 11
[Huddled in a van outside the bank]
Okay, so we're gonna do this, did you bring the balaclavas?

Me: Oh No.
*Reveals tray of stunning freshly baked baklava*
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breadery.bsky.social
Bread John @breadery.bsky.social · Jun 22
Sometimes, they just give birth to themselves.
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breadery.bsky.social
Bread John @breadery.bsky.social · Jun 22
I'm impatient and I'm sorry.

I know I need to savour these things but I just get excited.
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breadery.bsky.social
Bread John @breadery.bsky.social · Jun 22
Aw, I get that. I would've so been your gig buddy, I haven't seen Suicide Machines since 2003!
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breadery.bsky.social
Bread John @breadery.bsky.social · Jun 22
Why is this an almost and not a photo of you and Roger playing air trumpets together.
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breadery.bsky.social
Bread John @breadery.bsky.social · Jun 22
You can't even roast a baby in the oven for an hour at 200 degrees celsius these days because of woke.
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Reposted by Bread John
geraldinepiche.bsky.social
🎃return of the Obra Deeny🎃(they/them) @geraldinepiche.bsky.social · Jun 19
Bring back tamagochis. I want to kill something pure and innocent
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azedand2knots.bsky.social
chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · Jun 20
Despite being a creature of a damp, dank, subterranean cavern, I am surprisingly flammable.
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Reposted by Bread John
prufrockluvsong.bsky.social
NosferaPru @prufrockluvsong.bsky.social · Jun 20
It's supposedly the NBA finals but they keep coming back every year
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Reposted by Bread John
nursemurderer.bsky.social
jordan pumpkin spice [ham] @nursemurderer.bsky.social · Jun 20
“i’m good and you?” I say to my coworker as the government is kidnapping my community, bombing everywhere with brown people, and my immune system attacks my own body leaving me disabled.
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nursemurderer.bsky.social
jordan pumpkin spice [ham] @nursemurderer.bsky.social · Jun 20
my actual deal breaker:
you keep your indoor temp at anything above 70°F
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itsabbyyep.bsky.social
Hi, it's Abby. Yep. @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · Jun 5
The enemy of my enemy is an even bigger little bitch
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sensualdad.bsky.social
nige [ham] @sensualdad.bsky.social · Jun 20
my dentist says that out of all his patients, i have the cutest teeth
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Reposted by Bread John
nursemurderer.bsky.social
jordan pumpkin spice [ham] @nursemurderer.bsky.social · Jun 21
a dude referred to my tits as cherries and because i’d never heard it before I had to ask “what cherries where?” and now we are in a weird standoff about melons versus cherries and how am I 46 and this is my reality
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Reposted by Bread John
lacroixboi.dadguy.help
presentdead🙋🏻‍♂️👻 @lacroixboi.dadguy.help · Jun 21
it takes a lot of effort to get a crowd to start the wave which no one at this funeral seems to appreciate
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Reposted by Bread John
jollyrobber.bsky.social
🏴‍☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴‍☠️ @jollyrobber.bsky.social · Jun 16
80% of being a dad is just turning off light switches and locking doors
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jollyrobber.bsky.social
🏴‍☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴‍☠️ @jollyrobber.bsky.social · Jun 20
An escape room, but we just lock kids in a library and they have to use the Dewey decimal system to find their way out.
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Reposted by Bread John
jollyrobber.bsky.social
🏴‍☠️ Jollyrobber 🏴‍☠️ @jollyrobber.bsky.social · Jun 20
I guess putting lead back into paint is next
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wakeupangry.bsky.social
Jack @wakeupangry.bsky.social · Jun 11
Remember when that guy fucked a pie?
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wakeupangry.bsky.social
Jack @wakeupangry.bsky.social · Jun 18
DONT LEAVE HOT DOGS IN CARS
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msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social
The Amytyville Horror @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · Jun 16
sex so good he forgets every word but your name and now you have to order for him at restaurants
3 47 190
Reposted by Bread John
msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social
The Amytyville Horror @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · Jun 17
i’m not ready for ww3 i haven’t had a threesome yet
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Reposted by Bread John
msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social
The Amytyville Horror @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · Jun 17
people with big boobs should be able to squeeze them real hard to zoom out of uncomfortable situations like a loose balloon
10 62 260
Reposted by Bread John
msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social
The Amytyville Horror @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · Jun 17
sorry i cannot handle any more “THIS SCARY THING SHOULD SCARE YOU” headlines i am already dead
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Reposted by Bread John
msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social
The Amytyville Horror @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · Jun 19
i’ve been doing some introspection and i think i should start mongering more
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Reposted by Bread John
msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social
The Amytyville Horror @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · Jun 19
[looking around the internet squinting, hands on my hips]

i’m…i’m good i think i know enough men already
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