TeenagePhlebotomy
@teenagephlebotomy.bsky.social
My neighbor had chickens in his unfenced yard and they shit all over my lawn and patio but now they're dead. I had nothing to do with it.
Pinned
I've got a lot of problems with Billy Joel. Today it's is attitude toward Davey. What if Davey is quite happy to be a U.S. Navy lifer? My issues with the military aside, where the fuck does Joel get the nards to be critical, dismissive? You're the fucker playing your twee little piano tunes for him.
Reposted by TeenagePhlebotomy
me: my hopes and dreams mostly involve you, me and a gallon of whipped cream and jello
interviewer: I meant hopes for your career
me: so did I…
interviewer: I meant hopes for your career
me: so did I…
December 2, 2025 at 2:33 PM
me: my hopes and dreams mostly involve you, me and a gallon of whipped cream and jello
interviewer: I meant hopes for your career
me: so did I…
interviewer: I meant hopes for your career
me: so did I…
Reposted by TeenagePhlebotomy
stage fright is for beginners be terrified everywhere all the time
December 9, 2025 at 7:34 PM
stage fright is for beginners be terrified everywhere all the time
Reposted by TeenagePhlebotomy
A cat named Monkey in her beret outfit thats all doll clothes!
December 9, 2025 at 9:44 PM
A cat named Monkey in her beret outfit thats all doll clothes!
Reposted by TeenagePhlebotomy
clown sphincter bubble dress
December 9, 2025 at 10:20 PM
clown sphincter bubble dress
haha my back exploded
December 9, 2025 at 10:20 PM
haha my back exploded
Reposted by TeenagePhlebotomy
The hemorrhoid whisperer: go back inside little friend
Hemorrhoid: meep
Hemorrhoid: meep
December 9, 2025 at 5:57 PM
The hemorrhoid whisperer: go back inside little friend
Hemorrhoid: meep
Hemorrhoid: meep
Reposted by TeenagePhlebotomy
i used chatgpt to raise my baby and in their first year they tried to kill me eleven times
December 9, 2025 at 4:40 PM
i used chatgpt to raise my baby and in their first year they tried to kill me eleven times
Reposted by TeenagePhlebotomy
I’m like if an inappropriately timed boner was wearing a men’s oversized shawl cardigan.
November 9, 2025 at 4:26 AM
I’m like if an inappropriately timed boner was wearing a men’s oversized shawl cardigan.
Reposted by TeenagePhlebotomy
My new name for balls is peen beans
December 9, 2025 at 5:08 AM
My new name for balls is peen beans
Reposted by TeenagePhlebotomy
aggravated? pissed off? try head on a stick™
December 9, 2025 at 2:54 PM
aggravated? pissed off? try head on a stick™
This one time I ate a bunch of undercooked beans.
December 9, 2025 at 2:42 PM
This one time I ate a bunch of undercooked beans.
Nah. Yer cool.
December 9, 2025 at 2:40 PM
Nah. Yer cool.
Reposted by TeenagePhlebotomy
🎶 cause i've got one hand eating superfood gummies and the other one is flicking a cigarette 🎶
December 8, 2025 at 8:43 PM
🎶 cause i've got one hand eating superfood gummies and the other one is flicking a cigarette 🎶
Reposted by TeenagePhlebotomy
Company wide email asking everyone to start pulsating at a higher frequency
December 9, 2025 at 12:31 PM
Company wide email asking everyone to start pulsating at a higher frequency
At my booze selling job we have to scan everyone's ID. Coots are like "Do you really think I'm 20?" Then there are the dudes who are all "Why's the gubbymint need know what I drinky?" A) That's not how it works B) You give up more personal info logging onto Google.
December 9, 2025 at 1:55 PM
At my booze selling job we have to scan everyone's ID. Coots are like "Do you really think I'm 20?" Then there are the dudes who are all "Why's the gubbymint need know what I drinky?" A) That's not how it works B) You give up more personal info logging onto Google.
Reposted by TeenagePhlebotomy
In Germany, the band is called “No Inch Nails”
December 9, 2025 at 5:58 AM
In Germany, the band is called “No Inch Nails”
First customer yesterday slammed her canned vodka cocktails on the counter because she was pissed that store policy forbids her to buy more. I told her not to do that if she wants to buy them from me. She said she'd go to a beer distributor instead. I encouraged her to do so. She bought them anyway.
December 9, 2025 at 1:39 PM
First customer yesterday slammed her canned vodka cocktails on the counter because she was pissed that store policy forbids her to buy more. I told her not to do that if she wants to buy them from me. She said she'd go to a beer distributor instead. I encouraged her to do so. She bought them anyway.
This is funny.
December 9, 2025 at 1:13 PM
This is funny.
This guy is 6 today.
December 9, 2025 at 12:34 PM
This guy is 6 today.
Reposted by TeenagePhlebotomy
New dangerous variation on soup called zorp
December 9, 2025 at 3:16 AM
New dangerous variation on soup called zorp
Every single person involved with the creation of Paw Patrol must pay a dear, dear price.
December 9, 2025 at 2:35 AM
Every single person involved with the creation of Paw Patrol must pay a dear, dear price.
Reposted by TeenagePhlebotomy
Fellas, is it neoliberal to cum in the gas tank?
December 9, 2025 at 12:50 AM
Fellas, is it neoliberal to cum in the gas tank?
Reposted by TeenagePhlebotomy
she was rare, like a shitposter who never cared when her skeets hit 69 likes
December 9, 2025 at 12:14 AM
she was rare, like a shitposter who never cared when her skeets hit 69 likes
Reposted by TeenagePhlebotomy
no jury on earth would convict me for running over the grinch with my car
December 5, 2025 at 8:14 PM
no jury on earth would convict me for running over the grinch with my car