Uncle Kermit
@unclekermit.bsky.social
Buffoon, Drunk, Failure.
bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaam3sitppeow
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Pinned
It's Curtains for you, Charlie Brown.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
Getting sick and tired of having to feed myself
June 13, 2024 at 4:07 PM
Getting sick and tired of having to feed myself
A good way to know if she is a witch is if she is green, has a long warty nose, and is named Hazel. She will probably kill and eat you before you can do anything with that information.
November 27, 2025 at 2:57 AM
A good way to know if she is a witch is if she is green, has a long warty nose, and is named Hazel. She will probably kill and eat you before you can do anything with that information.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
Yippee Ki‐Yay Charlie Brown
It's Curtains for you, Charlie Brown.
November 27, 2025 at 1:19 AM
Yippee Ki‐Yay Charlie Brown
Most of my family have refused to come to my Thanksgiving Dinner because I'm serving lamb, just because I got it at the petting zoo.
November 27, 2025 at 1:11 AM
Most of my family have refused to come to my Thanksgiving Dinner because I'm serving lamb, just because I got it at the petting zoo.
I don't really like dogs. Usually they are biting me.
November 27, 2025 at 1:09 AM
I don't really like dogs. Usually they are biting me.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
Going to impress my Thanksgiving guests with all the kegel exercises I’ve been doing
November 27, 2025 at 1:05 AM
Going to impress my Thanksgiving guests with all the kegel exercises I’ve been doing
Die Hard is a romantic comedy.
November 27, 2025 at 1:07 AM
Die Hard is a romantic comedy.
I'm like a ninja, but instead of throwing knives and stars, I throw hot dogs. They don't hurt anyone, but it freaks them out.
November 27, 2025 at 1:05 AM
I'm like a ninja, but instead of throwing knives and stars, I throw hot dogs. They don't hurt anyone, but it freaks them out.
I'm grateful for my dead end job, because the tedium and physical pain distract me from my mental illness.
November 27, 2025 at 1:04 AM
I'm grateful for my dead end job, because the tedium and physical pain distract me from my mental illness.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
Reminder that it is important to be ungrateful today so that Thanksgiving hits even harder
November 26, 2025 at 6:55 PM
Reminder that it is important to be ungrateful today so that Thanksgiving hits even harder
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
one of these but with a hot dog
November 25, 2025 at 10:45 PM
one of these but with a hot dog
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
Did Mace Windu ever say, “Hold onto your butts?” I really hope he did, cuz that would have been magnificent.
November 25, 2025 at 10:39 PM
Did Mace Windu ever say, “Hold onto your butts?” I really hope he did, cuz that would have been magnificent.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
You can add your sausage to my gravy if you wanna
November 22, 2025 at 1:55 PM
You can add your sausage to my gravy if you wanna
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
I hope your Wednesday is as fat as my ass.
November 26, 2025 at 7:44 PM
I hope your Wednesday is as fat as my ass.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
The plural of "deer" should be "dire."
November 27, 2025 at 12:57 AM
The plural of "deer" should be "dire."
Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you are dehydrated and have low testosterone.
November 27, 2025 at 12:51 AM
Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you are dehydrated and have low testosterone.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
Jesus didn't die for you to eat fake potatoes
November 26, 2025 at 10:07 PM
Jesus didn't die for you to eat fake potatoes
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you’re sure.
November 26, 2025 at 10:12 PM
Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you’re sure.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
the invention of Phở :
what's up with that horse tongue
November 27, 2025 at 12:18 AM
the invention of Phở :
Icy Hot is a terrible thing for your Grandmother to put on your blistering sunburn. True story.
November 27, 2025 at 12:47 AM
Icy Hot is a terrible thing for your Grandmother to put on your blistering sunburn. True story.
I eat crackers in bed all the time. My bed is a trench I dug in the dirt.
November 27, 2025 at 12:42 AM
I eat crackers in bed all the time. My bed is a trench I dug in the dirt.
I want to do a show where I play twins, but one of them has a bad English accent.
November 27, 2025 at 12:42 AM
I want to do a show where I play twins, but one of them has a bad English accent.
This Thanksgiving I'm grateful for this 30 pack I said I was going to buy for those teenagers, but took home instead.
November 27, 2025 at 12:41 AM
This Thanksgiving I'm grateful for this 30 pack I said I was going to buy for those teenagers, but took home instead.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
White Privilege should be added to the DSM-5.
November 26, 2025 at 3:48 AM
White Privilege should be added to the DSM-5.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
*making chomping noises while going down on her*
November 24, 2025 at 12:22 AM
*making chomping noises while going down on her*