Uncle Kermit
@unclekermit.bsky.social
Buffoon, Drunk, Failure.
bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaam3sitppeow
bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaam3sitppeow
Pinned
They should have made and Elvis movie where he was a singing Tarzan.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
If you run past your neighbors scratching your crotch and screaming they tend to not ask questions.
November 12, 2025 at 1:15 PM
If you run past your neighbors scratching your crotch and screaming they tend to not ask questions.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
Poke my ear with your pencil and whisper jokes to me that the rest of the class can’t hear like it’s 1992
November 14, 2025 at 2:35 AM
Poke my ear with your pencil and whisper jokes to me that the rest of the class can’t hear like it’s 1992
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
I’m always sorry I left my comfort zone
November 13, 2025 at 9:59 PM
I’m always sorry I left my comfort zone
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
Horizontal cowgirl so I can still use the heating pad
November 13, 2025 at 1:09 AM
Horizontal cowgirl so I can still use the heating pad
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
Imagine being so vile that even Jeffrey Epstein thinks you're the worst person in the world.
November 13, 2025 at 11:02 PM
Imagine being so vile that even Jeffrey Epstein thinks you're the worst person in the world.
Is there a Shirley Jackson story that doesn't leave you thinking, "What the fuck was that about?"
November 14, 2025 at 12:51 AM
Is there a Shirley Jackson story that doesn't leave you thinking, "What the fuck was that about?"
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
The worst person in our country is also our president. Other than that, things are groovy
November 13, 2025 at 11:40 PM
The worst person in our country is also our president. Other than that, things are groovy
I have no beef with you, but perhaps I could have a pork with you?
November 14, 2025 at 12:01 AM
I have no beef with you, but perhaps I could have a pork with you?
It's weird that Tibetan Llamas can talk.
November 14, 2025 at 12:00 AM
It's weird that Tibetan Llamas can talk.
A guy at work got a giant naked vampire lady tattoo on his arm. It should be a hit with the ladies, who love pornography, especially in inappropriate places.
November 13, 2025 at 11:59 PM
A guy at work got a giant naked vampire lady tattoo on his arm. It should be a hit with the ladies, who love pornography, especially in inappropriate places.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
I will break into your house to turn down the thermostat so help me
November 13, 2025 at 3:33 PM
I will break into your house to turn down the thermostat so help me
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
I remember the first time I learned there were horny milfs in my area I screamed
November 12, 2025 at 6:06 PM
I remember the first time I learned there were horny milfs in my area I screamed
I'll be performing a two hour version of "Piano Man," at the bar tonight, if anyone is interested? I'm not very good and no one likes it.
November 13, 2025 at 2:23 PM
I'll be performing a two hour version of "Piano Man," at the bar tonight, if anyone is interested? I'm not very good and no one likes it.
Alfalfa is my favorite Little Rascal, because he grew up to be a violent criminal in real life.
November 13, 2025 at 2:22 PM
Alfalfa is my favorite Little Rascal, because he grew up to be a violent criminal in real life.
What's so clean about a whistle? The human mouth is filthy like a toilet.
November 13, 2025 at 2:22 PM
What's so clean about a whistle? The human mouth is filthy like a toilet.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
He said I was arrogant, so I set about him with my sceptre.
November 12, 2025 at 6:28 PM
He said I was arrogant, so I set about him with my sceptre.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
Can someone do my evening skincare for me I can’t move
November 13, 2025 at 3:21 AM
Can someone do my evening skincare for me I can’t move
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
Take care! (derogatory)
November 12, 2025 at 12:32 AM
Take care! (derogatory)
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
I think my biggest accomplishment is digging shredded cheddar cheese out of my bra
October 22, 2025 at 10:47 PM
I think my biggest accomplishment is digging shredded cheddar cheese out of my bra
You know, Emo Philips was a comedian, but he never gets credit for creating that whole genre of music.
November 13, 2025 at 3:12 AM
You know, Emo Philips was a comedian, but he never gets credit for creating that whole genre of music.
I don’t want robot waitresses. That’s one of the few opportunities I have to talk to a real live woman.
November 12, 2025 at 5:28 PM
I don’t want robot waitresses. That’s one of the few opportunities I have to talk to a real live woman.
My guardian angel tries to lure me into traffic.
November 12, 2025 at 5:20 PM
My guardian angel tries to lure me into traffic.
Feckless means to be lacking in feck.
November 12, 2025 at 5:09 PM
Feckless means to be lacking in feck.
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
Playing your buttcheeks like bongos for half an hour would fix me
November 10, 2025 at 6:07 PM
Playing your buttcheeks like bongos for half an hour would fix me
Reposted by Uncle Kermit
"Let me suck the life out of this post."
- reply guys
- reply guys
November 12, 2025 at 2:39 AM
"Let me suck the life out of this post."
- reply guys
- reply guys