Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

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undead girlfriend @hausofholes.bsky.social · 23h

at my funeral everyone is allowed to take a little piece of me home as a party favor

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Dr Eleanor Janega @goingmedieval.bsky.social · 3h

The way I am refreshing this repeatedly.

Spock's Brian @spocksbrian.worstpossible.world · 4h

Too many amazing stories from Gallup, and almost none I will repeat here. However I will talk about what I myself experienced. There was Something in the basement at the Old Rehoboth Church

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Network Sportsball Analyst @fakesportsceleb.bsky.social · 6d

Gonna fuck shit up at bingo tonight

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James Kelleher @jameskelleher.pilcrow.ie · 9h

Next time somebody asks me what Bluesky is like, I'll send them this

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🎃 The Pantastic Mr. Pox 🦠 @mrfox.bsky.social · 6h

one hamburger to help them all
and in the pan combine them

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ghost crab @crabbydaddy.bsky.social · 5h

work sucks
people suck
my life sucks
all I hear is a very loud vacuum

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Brick's 𝕳𝖆𝖚𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖉 House 🍁🎃 @brickmahoney.bsky.social · 1d

Today is Thanksgiving in Canada, when we go down to the park to fight Canada geese. The winners eat the losers

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Nappy DOOMlemite @nappydolemite.bsky.social · 1d

Why did they stop at four cheeses? Keep fucking going

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I've got a dad back @dadback.bsky.social · 4d

If someone knocks on the bathroom door while I am using it, I cry out, "The ritual is not yet complete!"

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Eize Basa @eizebasa.baby · Mar 7

I’ve been begging my Indian friend to give me her grandmother’s secret bread recipe, but her family has a naan-disclosure agreement.

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🎃 Franklin Pumpkinhead 🎃 @flopwizard.bsky.social · 1d

More like bitchtopher columbitch

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(spoo)key 👻 @kmillz.lol · 3d

your honor, the vibes are suffering

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ash @ashhull.bsky.social · 2d

Uses candy corn as ear plugs.

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Pat Gallen @patgallen.bsky.social · 2d

The restaurant staff as I head to the buffet again

treb @treblaw.bsky.social · 3d

Get him OUT

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drewtoothpaste @drewtoothpaste.bsky.social · 2d

Taking walks can reduce your sense of impending doom.
Try to walk 24 hours a day if possible!

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 2d

I just felt a small, but genuine thrill when noticing we’d finally finished the awful lemon-scented hand soap in the kitchen, and it had been replaced with my favorite cherry blossom soap. It would seem that I have a favorite hand soap. Such is the rock and roll lifestyle I lead.

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Oregon 🕎🎲 @oregonthedm.bsky.social · 2d

WWE but with Scooby Doo sound effects

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Brendel @brendelbored.bsky.social · 2d

Feel like Waluigi would be on the Epstein flight logs but not Wario and I think that’s the fundamental difference between the characters

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Brick's 𝕳𝖆𝖚𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖉 House 🍁🎃 @brickmahoney.bsky.social · 2d

Thank you for pointing out the logical fallacy in my fart joke

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Collin Murr @collinmurr.bsky.social · 5d

Doctor: You've got Hepatitis C.
Edward G. Robinson: Ah that's a shame. Which one is it?
Doctor: Hepatitis C.
Edward G. Robinson: Right, I've got hepatitis, see? Which one is it?

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Kris Wernowsky @kriswernowsky.com · 3d

My family crest is a guy doing a field sobriety test

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Kris Wernowsky @kriswernowsky.com · 3d

The vibes for Saturday, Oct. 11, 2025: Putrid

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George @cinema-diorama.bsky.social · 2d

Being sedentary is harmful to the elderly, which is why I release king cobras in nursing homes.

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! spooky kat ! @kat.yaps.fyi · 2d

i'll never understand the "i'll sleep when i'm dead" mentality. i fucking love sleep. ill sleep 23 hours a day if i could. cancelled plans? great more sleep for me. sleep. sleep. sleep. sleep.

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John Lyon @johnlyon.bsky.social · 3d

“Someone you don’t know did something you don’t care about.” -social media notifications

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