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RealLifeMommy3

@reallifemommy3.bsky.social

2.3K followers 520 following 790 posts

3 kids, 1 dog, and a full time job. What could possibly go wrong?! posts are mine ➡️ https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:am4xjbphjjv7zy5riv7gbfr3/feed/aaacwhjhkazly

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RealLifeMommy3 @reallifemommy3.bsky.social · Feb 10

Dentist: have you been clenching your jaw lately?

Me: have you been reading the news lately?

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RealLifeMommy3 @reallifemommy3.bsky.social · 14d

I hate when I’m in the middle of a really good rant on the evils of having to wake up early for work only to find out that the person I’m complaining to is an early riser by choice

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Midge @midge.bsky.social · 25d

Find someone that loves you the way the lady next to me loves Chanel No. 5 …
so much you can taste it

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Midge @midge.bsky.social · 21d

Thrilled to report I’ve just about had it

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Lock Wilford @lockwilford.com · Feb 7

My favorite part of the apocalypse has been the constant fatigue

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born miserable @bornmiserable.bsky.social · 21d

ATTENTION PARENTS: is your child texting about the Rapture? KNOW THE SIGNS:

LOL: left on land
WTF: where’s the family
ROFL: rapture only for losers
OMG: oh ma geddon

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 21d

I can't help feeling I could have done more with my angry years.

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Midge @midge.bsky.social · 20d

they told me to make myself at home so i moved their silverware to the more logical drawer

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Midge @midge.bsky.social · 19d

Can’t, busy stringing my xanax into an adult candy necklace

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BrujoLoco☠️🖤🏺 @patnspankme.bsky.social · 16d

why say “agree to disagree” when what you actually mean is “hey why don’t you just shut the fuck up, moron”

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀 @unfitz.bsky.social · 15d

My dating app profile just says “Caveat emptor.”

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Midge @midge.bsky.social · 16d

Nothing matters anymore go ahead and cut the tags off your mattresses

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 15d

all that yoga finally paid off

A fox on one side of a tree grabs the tail of another on the other side, giving the appearance of one long fox wrapped around the tree.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 16d

“This is awesome! Don’t you think this is awesome? So awesome!”

“You are SO immature.”

An excited dog sits next to a scowling cat in a bicycle basket.

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 16d

Shakespeare in two lines. King Lear. An aging monarch gives up his realm to two evil daughters and the third invades with a French army and everyone dies.

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 17d

I’m not shallow I’m empty get it right.

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RealLifeMommy3 @reallifemommy3.bsky.social · 14d

Not only do I, but I have an inside broom and an outside broom 💅

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Brick's 𝕳𝖆𝖚𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖉 House 🍁🎃 @brickmahoney.bsky.social · 17d

Yeah you say you're old but do you have a "good" broom?

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Nate's Myth @natesmith.dev · 25d

Cranada. like Canada but a little more tart.

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One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 25d

‘Mommy look, a bone! Just like we have in our bodies.’

-my 4 year old eating fried chicken and dangerously close to connecting some dots.

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mom mom mom mom mom @momsoverhere.bsky.social · 20d

I warned my son that he could not say “I’m bored” during Rosh Hashanah services today. About ten minutes in, he leaned on my shoulder and whispers “I’m un-entertained”

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CynicalTherapist @cynicaltherapist.bsky.social · 15d

It's beautiful watching a teen remember who they were before a phone. Like a wet, newborn foal stumbling into the living room-knock kneed and bumbling.

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One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 15d

I’m out of town and 7yo FaceTimed me to tell me that he wiped his butt too hard. It hurts now and he’s asking me how to make it feel better, if you’re wondering what it’s like to be the default parent.

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Theciscokidder @theciscokidder.bsky.social · 28d

Wife bought a new scale that measures metabolic age and mine is 13 years younger than my actual age while hers is 10 years older. She called the scale sexist and somehow I'm in the dog house?

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mom mom mom mom mom @momsoverhere.bsky.social · 29d

My kid buys a toy vending machine and exclaims “it doesn’t take any money!” and then mutters “that’s not a very good business model.”

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · Sep 11

Whoever did this and I would get along well.

Sticker on a smoke alarm has an “INSTALLED ON” field intended for a date. “The Ceiling” is filled into the field.

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