Pinned
Jemma
@cygnus5.bsky.social
· Sep 15
Unsolicited advice. With a side of judgment.
Your face features do not disgust me
November 23, 2025 at 3:42 AM
Your face features do not disgust me
I fell in love with a New Hampshire boy
November 23, 2025 at 3:33 AM
I fell in love with a New Hampshire boy
Cough with me. Like lovers do.
November 22, 2025 at 8:55 PM
Cough with me. Like lovers do.
Husbands will literally get mad when you’re not hungry when they are.
November 22, 2025 at 12:07 AM
Husbands will literally get mad when you’re not hungry when they are.
Reposted by Jemma
Sometimes when my cats are fighting, I pretend it's over me.
November 12, 2025 at 11:36 AM
Sometimes when my cats are fighting, I pretend it's over me.
Reposted by Jemma
Tbh I don't think I was ever emotionally equipped to handle the Hall & Oates break up.
October 16, 2025 at 1:27 AM
Tbh I don't think I was ever emotionally equipped to handle the Hall & Oates break up.
Those that bring nothing to the table are always the ones demanding a seat at the table.
November 20, 2025 at 3:08 PM
Those that bring nothing to the table are always the ones demanding a seat at the table.
Reposted by Jemma
I put on a brave smile and told her she was like a brother to me too.
November 19, 2025 at 2:36 AM
I put on a brave smile and told her she was like a brother to me too.
Reposted by Jemma
A lady called in today with a complaint that was totally valid and I completely matched her outrage in agreement. She seemed to enjoy that and I did, too.
November 19, 2025 at 4:48 AM
A lady called in today with a complaint that was totally valid and I completely matched her outrage in agreement. She seemed to enjoy that and I did, too.
Reposted by Jemma
I haven’t picked up the accordion in years. Or as long as I’ve been alive.
November 19, 2025 at 6:10 AM
I haven’t picked up the accordion in years. Or as long as I’ve been alive.
Something that sounds funny but it’s not: my friend was almost killed by a loon
November 18, 2025 at 9:38 PM
Something that sounds funny but it’s not: my friend was almost killed by a loon
Happy Reenrollment Time to all who celebrate.
November 18, 2025 at 3:13 PM
Happy Reenrollment Time to all who celebrate.
Reposted by Jemma
Our dog gets a little wound up when she hears geese overhead so I hold her paw until they’re gone like we’re waiting together in an air raid shelter in WWII London
November 18, 2025 at 1:10 PM
Our dog gets a little wound up when she hears geese overhead so I hold her paw until they’re gone like we’re waiting together in an air raid shelter in WWII London
Reposted by Jemma
Hell yeah, I'm standing at the window, sipping coffee, watching the giant leaf vacuum truck go down the street. I am just a grown-up boy, after all.
November 18, 2025 at 2:40 PM
Hell yeah, I'm standing at the window, sipping coffee, watching the giant leaf vacuum truck go down the street. I am just a grown-up boy, after all.
Reposted by Jemma
[grandma voice] I'm just going to rest my eyes for a bit
November 17, 2025 at 8:43 PM
[grandma voice] I'm just going to rest my eyes for a bit
Always felt gypped to be born on the 29th of the month with the ugliest birthstone
November 17, 2025 at 4:28 PM
Always felt gypped to be born on the 29th of the month with the ugliest birthstone
I know you want to be friends, but walking circles around my house is not the way to win me over
November 16, 2025 at 8:09 PM
I know you want to be friends, but walking circles around my house is not the way to win me over
Reposted by Jemma
I wave whenever I hear a failing exhaust because I figure it’s someone I know
November 16, 2025 at 1:35 PM
I wave whenever I hear a failing exhaust because I figure it’s someone I know
Reposted by Jemma
It’s pretty scooters out there. Salty’s gonna start talking about himself in the 3rd person. Salty’s funny that way
November 16, 2025 at 1:30 PM
It’s pretty scooters out there. Salty’s gonna start talking about himself in the 3rd person. Salty’s funny that way
Reposted by Jemma
Comin for you, Michael at Nordstrom
I told the guy at the suit store I didn't want to buy such an expensive suit because I was lifting weights and he was like "um you'd have to totally transform your body for this suit not to fit" so in a couple of years I'm gonna find him and make him try to put me in the same suit.
gonna start wearing oversized TAPOUT shirts and tell everyone I’m gonna grow into em
November 15, 2025 at 7:26 PM
Comin for you, Michael at Nordstrom
Reposted by Jemma
Oh no, it’s swiss cheese in a tiny bowl snack time.
November 15, 2025 at 4:36 AM
Oh no, it’s swiss cheese in a tiny bowl snack time.
Reposted by Jemma
When something I have breaks, a part of me goes to immediate acceptance that it is going to be like that forever. Whelp, it was nice having a trunk I guess.
November 15, 2025 at 5:14 AM
When something I have breaks, a part of me goes to immediate acceptance that it is going to be like that forever. Whelp, it was nice having a trunk I guess.
Reposted by Jemma
Came home with lipstick on my collar. Totally innocent explanation, but try telling that to my empty apartment.
November 15, 2025 at 6:30 AM
Came home with lipstick on my collar. Totally innocent explanation, but try telling that to my empty apartment.
Reposted by Jemma
Whoa there cul-de-sac cowboy in your big ol' shiny truck. Are you ridin' to Dunks to round up some donuts with sprinkles?
November 15, 2025 at 2:59 PM
Whoa there cul-de-sac cowboy in your big ol' shiny truck. Are you ridin' to Dunks to round up some donuts with sprinkles?