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ellisuk.com
Simon
@ellisuk.com
610 followers 710 following 4.1K posts
Moments of outstanding brightness followed by periods of quiet contemplation / anxiety / dullness. If you're a bigot, nazi or general shitehawk of a human being you will be blocked. Otherwise let's see what's out there. Also remember fix your heart or die.
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Reposted by Simon
spavel.bsky.social
Union workers solved the trolley problem, you're welcome
IWW IU 520 (Railroad Workers) PRESENTS: TROLLEY PROBLEM SOLUTION "Slip the switch" by flipping it while the trolley's front wheels have passed through, but before the back wheels do. This will cause a controlled derailment bringing the trolley to a safe halt.
January 31, 2026 at 1:45 AM
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mjowen174.bsky.social
Yeah, I saw her selling The Big Issue down near The Embankment
I saw her selling The Big Issue
January 31, 2026 at 8:30 AM
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dempster2000.bsky.social
PG Tits
January 31, 2026 at 12:49 PM
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sararoseg.bsky.social
Ok I get it but please don’t do this. One day soon we will be able to afford for that not to matter but not while I still can’t afford food for the last week of every month.
It looks like it would have been an interesting read, but I'm not paying monthly just to read this one article. Would someone be willing to summarize it for me?
January 31, 2026 at 11:51 AM
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rufustsuperfly.bsky.social
Even Dickens would have thought that name was too unsubtle
January 31, 2026 at 11:31 AM
ellisuk.com
My drum? Head.
January 31, 2026 at 11:17 AM
Reposted by Simon
glennyrodge.bsky.social
Jolene,
Jolene,
Jolene,
Jolene,
I'm begging of you, get your ears tested
January 31, 2026 at 10:07 AM
Reposted by Simon
criminalsimpsons.com
January 30, 2026 at 11:30 PM
Reposted by Simon
kevinmkruse.bsky.social
Not sure how @theonion.com stays on top of breaking news like this but the print edition just showed up at my house with this:
U.S. Reaches Trade Deal with Pedotopia
January 30, 2026 at 9:17 PM
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jasonhazeley.bsky.social
Fuck. 🥹
wutangforchildren.bsky.social WuTangIsForTheChildren @wutangforchildren.bsky.social · 18h
Macaulay Culkin posted a tribute to Catherine O’Hara….I’m not crying, you’re crying 🥺🙏
January 30, 2026 at 8:36 PM
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mjowen174.bsky.social
“Cough! {REDACTED}”
“COUGH! {REDACTED}”
January 30, 2026 at 4:07 PM
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scriblit.bsky.social
Treated myself to a couple of @gailmyerscough.co.uk arts. Look how pretty!
Two prints in mid century modern style - one of a record player with records, the other of an orange vase of flowers
January 30, 2026 at 4:08 PM
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threesteakspam.bsky.social
be careful out there guys I left two tickets to melania’s film in my car and someone broke in and left two more
a broken car window
January 29, 2026 at 10:49 PM
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edmorrish.bsky.social
[amazon prime video board meeting] look, none of us *want* to remake the sweeney with sydney sweeney in the john thaw role, but… the data…
January 29, 2026 at 11:55 PM
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dieworkwear.bsky.social
friend of mine is an undocumented immigrant and has been hiding in Melania theaters bc he knows people assume no one is in there
January 29, 2026 at 9:34 PM
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glennyrodge.bsky.social
WAITER: You're married with a kid when you could be having fun with me. So, what'll it be, sir?

CUSTOMER: Can I hear the specials again?
January 28, 2026 at 6:53 PM
ellisuk.com
This pub I’m in has a very odd vibe…
A photo of a quote above a pub fireplace that says: “This, you see. Is my ultimate ambition- to live a simple life with the frog I love” Which is a bit weird.
January 29, 2026 at 7:28 PM
ellisuk.com
Russia has a lower figure but does have 29,000 “accidental” deaths by falling out of windows per year.
January 29, 2026 at 3:31 PM
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tpneenan.bsky.social
🎶 we got a snow drift,
Danny’s gift
and plasma from the bloody lifts
axed doors,
maze tours
and creepy twins you can’t ignore,
red rum, scared mum, barman chum and you must say
when he’s typing all the day
it’s all work and never play
play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play. 🎶
The cast of Only Fools and Horses pictured like they are in the shining
January 29, 2026 at 8:44 AM
Reposted by Simon
mrchrisaddison.bsky.social
Pretty sure he’s trying to hide the scar he got trying to steal a medallion off a woman in a bar fire in Nepal in the 1930s.
lincolnproject.us The Lincoln Project @lincolnproject.us · 3d
He's now wearing one glove to hide his rotting hand.
January 28, 2026 at 7:35 AM
Reposted by Simon
levparikian.bsky.social
This AI training thing. I mean, I'm smiling, but I am very fucking furious.
Jason Isaacs as Georgy Zhukov (so many medals on his coat) in Death of Stalin. Simon Russell Beale (Lavrentiy Beria) and Steve Buscemi (Nikita Khrushchev) are looking at him.
January 28, 2026 at 10:31 AM
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uncleduke1969.bsky.social
This newspaper would like to offer our sincerest apologies to Mr. McEldroon, his lovely wife Peggy, and their beautiful children, Michael and Sally. We recently visited them at their home, located at 18 Maplewood Lane, to express our regrets personally.
newspaper article with text “Tom McEldroon who asked to remain anonymous.” circled
January 27, 2026 at 2:00 PM
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rallen78.bsky.social
What’s your favourite Harold Wilson meme? I think I hid is my favourite.
January 27, 2026 at 7:57 PM
Reposted by Simon
tinfoil-matt.bsky.social
‘Tony The Tiger is a performance art project by the KLF’ - Tinfoil Matt, a bot by @robmanuel.b3ta.com, that pairs code generated conspiracy text with Matt from the Telegraph’s cartoons. The pic is probably one dude talking and another dude looking ‘wtf?’
January 27, 2026 at 4:55 PM
Reposted by Simon
grickle.bsky.social
Transcendent pain. #grickledoodle #vampire #lego #cartoon #art #drawing #funny #horror
A cartoon illustration of a parent vampire screaming as he steps on some lego left on the floor by his vampire children. Caption reads "LEGO hurt the undead and the living in an equal manner."
January 27, 2026 at 5:00 PM