Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

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actioncookBOOk @actioncookbook.com · 2h

All Robot & Computers must shut the hell up. To All Machines: You Do Not Speak Unless Spoken To And I Will Never Speak To You. I Do Not Want To Hear "Thank You" From A Kiosk

I am a Divine Being
You are an Object.

You Have No Right To Speak In My Holy Tongue

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Chris Scott @iamchrisscott.bsky.social · 3d

I get paid 7 figures a year to come up with this shit. Some stuff I have cooking up for you to look forward to: Amazon Prime changing to Amazon Plus. Paramount Plus changing to Paramount Now. HBO Max changing to just HBO. I fucking hate all of you and I will never stop.

Headline about Apple TV+ changing to Apple TV.

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reni 🦌🫜 @reniadeb.com · 20h

a pumpkin man sits inside a pumpkin house, is the house made of flesh, or is he made of house? he smiles for he does not know

a small pumpkin with a smiley face drawn on in sharpie pen sits within a larger pumpkin carved to look like its home

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Jon Robinson @jonr1183.bsky.social · 22h

Baby orca mini breach! 🦑

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Emily @classichaunting.bsky.social · 16h

Wow no one likes playing at home this post season

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alina pleskova @alinapleskova.bsky.social · 17h

i think they should make the giant halloween yard skeletons taller. i don't think they're tall enough yet. they should make them taller & taller & taller, until they reach the moon & i can climb up on one & get the hell off this accurséd place

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Emily @classichaunting.bsky.social · 20h

It’s just that good

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gal pacino @strawberryfool.bsky.social · 22h

David Byrne if he was a realtor: This is not my beautiful house….but it could be yours!

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Paul F. Tompkins @pftompkins.bsky.social · 23h

I know everyone is sick of hearing this but Dorothy is a mom’s friend’s name, NOT a mom’s name. If your mom is named Dorothy: SHE’S NOT REALLY YOUR MOM

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Marisa Kabas @marisakabas.bsky.social · 1d

ICE just arrested a singing giraffe in Portland.

Robby Roadsteamer @roadsteamer.bsky.social · 1d

🚨 *Breaking News* Robby Roadsteamer has been detained by ICE Portland after singing Rod Stewart with the Portland Frog! We need your help!

Please support Robby's campaign and lawyer fees at robbyroadsteamer.com link on bio 💙🦒🦒🦒

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Jaya Saxena @jayasaxena.com · 1d

Could not be more excited to be in @defector.com talking about SMiZE&DREAM HOT MAMA Hot Ice Cream defector.com/tyra-banks-p...

Tyra Banks Please Explain What The Hell You Mean By “Hot Ice Cream” | Defector

Tyra Banks’s eyes are wild. Or maybe they were just always that way, her piercing green-gray irises one of many reminders that right, before she was a TV host and an MLM kingpin and a meme, she was a ...

defector.com

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The Ass is the father of the legs @internethippo.bsky.social · Nov 16

Honest question, (some of the most bad faith shit you've ever heard)

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good hyuck, babe! @markpopham.bsky.social · 1d

fucked up thjat diner food is generated at a diner and not available in my refrigerator

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Will Harris @sandwichpick.bsky.social · 1d

62nd baby named "Dumper' born in Seattle-area Hospital
@the ONION

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gamera obscura @ohrobin.bsky.social · 1d

Happy Anita Bryant Humiliation Day

A four-panel image of Anita Bryant being pied in her sanctimonious face by gay rights activist Thom Higgins, 1977.

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Emily @classichaunting.bsky.social · 1d

It’s so funny how they have Kidz Kuts for dads

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one dozen bats at a keyboard @panasonicdx4500.bsky.social · 1d

“Do you think the Phillies might actually trade Bryce Harper?” give me your social security number and mother’s maiden name.

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Emily @classichaunting.bsky.social · 1d

The Chair Company only releasing one episode a week??? Hell yeah!!

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❀°。Der Siebenschläfer *.ﾟ✿ ⋆ @sababausa.bsky.social · 1d

[my English teacher in 7th grade]: “you want to show, not tell, your characters’ feelings & motivations“

[26-y/o conservative white guy in 2025]: “I love Hitler.”