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Uncle Kermit

@unclekermit.bsky.social

11K followers 1.1K following 6.5K posts

Buffoon, Drunk, Failure. bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaam3sitppeow

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · May 14

Having legs and knowing how to use them isn't that impressive ZZ Top.

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 19h

I don't care what people think of me. Unless they like me. Do you think they like me?

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 20h

Someone, "Pulling my leg," is a horrific thought. Where are they pulling me, under the bed?

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Reposted by Uncle Kermit

DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 2d

Put the Gun Down Charlie Brown

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Forrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · 2d

Not to be dramatic but if I’m not subtweeted by somebody soon, I think I might die

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Mr. Bea Arthur, Dead Inside™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 9d

Finger your girl on the tilt-a-whirl and let the ride do the work for you.

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Reposted by Uncle Kermit

Spooky Ambs🖤 @ambertatoes.bsky.social · 4d

Someone come beat my ass for $20 please. I’ll pay you

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 4d

I like old fashioned writing where men went Hither and Thither, or Ejaculated words, or Secreted themselves somewhere.

Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 4d

I don't want to win a trip for two to anywhere, as I have no woman to take and would have to take a friend or my sister.

Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 4d

I'd like to "Go Ape." I don't know exactly what it means, but I'd like to know.

Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 4d

Does "Fathead," mean your head is rather large, or that your brains are made of useless fat? It's a weird insult.

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Reposted by Uncle Kermit

🫧 Spark Elation 🫧 @tyranny.sparklenoise.com · 5d

I can’t wait until there are so few people on this webpage that I’m once again seen as one of the funny accounts

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Reposted by Uncle Kermit

Colleen @grillcheezkilla.bsky.social · 5d

If you go to my funeral I’m not going to yours

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Reposted by Uncle Kermit

Paused Mortem 💀 @pausedmortem.bsky.social · 6d

I don't know what to do with happiness. That's probably why it never happens to me.

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ash @ashhull.bsky.social · 5d

Lying in bed warm like a corpse before rigamortus sets in.

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 5d

All dogs are naked. You don't say naked dog. Also, I'm not a theologian, but I don't think dogs have souls.

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Mr. Bea Arthur, Dead Inside™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 5d

*during sex

Sorry, I forgot to mention that I’m gross.

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 5d

I'm gonna keep eating them because they're fucking good.

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Reposted by Uncle Kermit

Theciscokidder @theciscokidder.bsky.social · 5d

What if all this time you were actually eating breaded fish dicks?

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Mr. Bea Arthur, Dead Inside™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 5d

Little mister can’t be right.

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Reposted by Uncle Kermit

Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 6d

Let’s meet at the sand-pit. We’ll listen to REO Speedwagon unironically and drink Boone’s Farm until we see balloons

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 5d

What part of "Naked Lady," don't you understand?

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Reposted by Uncle Kermit

Ducky (Maybe) 🦆 @justducky.bsky.social · 5d

Frog And Toad Are Tripping Balls

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 5d

Age of consent of course. Hopefully she died in the summer of her womanhood.

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Uncle Kermit @unclekermit.bsky.social · 5d

I'm friends with most people on Facebook so I can see bikini pictures of their wives.