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jordan pumpkin spice [ham]

@nursemurderer.bsky.social

11K followers 640 following 5.8K posts

just your typical old fashioned, salt of the earth, red blooded, hard working, blue collar, queer lady. PFP me in pool BY @geraldinepiche.bsky.social 🆗 https://nursemurderer.com

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jordan pumpkin spice [ham] @nursemurderer.bsky.social · May 20

literally my current proof of life outside of my fckn job:

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jordan pumpkin spice [ham] @nursemurderer.bsky.social · 1h

yessss

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Jason Goes to Hell @benedictsred.bsky.social · 20h

A haunted house filled with strangers asking which tattoo hurt the most

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jordan pumpkin spice [ham] @nursemurderer.bsky.social · 2h

🤣🤣

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jordan pumpkin spice [ham] @nursemurderer.bsky.social · 2h

what if I got another cat WHAT THEN

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Dumb Beezie @dumbbeezie.bsky.social · 2d

People who post cat videos deserve the Nobel Peace Prize

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Theciscokidder @theciscokidder.bsky.social · 1d

[at stoplight]

*gets out of car, knocks on driver's window behind me after following me for 3 turns*

Me: Are you obsessed with me?

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Dumb Beezie @dumbbeezie.bsky.social · 1d

Can we stop saying this is what fascism looks like, Jesus Christ we know

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jordan pumpkin spice [ham] @nursemurderer.bsky.social · 2h

wait lol has @ennuidoofen.bsky.social seen this

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🎃return of the Obra Deeny🎃(they/them) @geraldinepiche.bsky.social · 1d

🤠
________ 👉🏻
/ | • • | \ /
| \ / \/ Y
| | ° | E
👇🏻( 🍆💦 E
| | | | H
| | | | A
○ ○ W
| | | |
👢 👢

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Dumb Beezie @dumbbeezie.bsky.social · 1d

My moods in one pic

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Wendigo Wires 👻 @joparkerbear.bsky.social · 2d

Got really high and realized this is actually about the Democratic Party

Wendigo Wires 👻 @joparkerbear.bsky.social · Jul 14

In every single episode, the Scooby Doo gang discover a human is behind the mystery, not ghosts or mummies or whatever. Yet they begin each new case believing the villain is a supernatural being. Every time. Not once do they say “maybe it’s an old man like last time”

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jordan pumpkin spice [ham] @nursemurderer.bsky.social · 3h

ever since being laid off I keep dreaming that my mom forgot to call in sick for me at school and there’s a class i’ve never attended and i’m just out solving mysteries hoping that teacher doesn’t care i’ve never shown up.

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alexis simpson @amutepiggy.bsky.social · 20h

P E T T I N G T I M E

Pasta the gray cat with white tuxedo markings pawing my hand.

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Dumb Beezie @dumbbeezie.bsky.social · 20h

Sorry I was rude, I didn’t want to be invited again

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Hi, it's Abby. Yep. @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 15h

Hey Siri, who is my baby's dad

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alexis simpson @amutepiggy.bsky.social · 15h

things are bad, but at least the celebrities aren't singing Imagine into their phones again

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Travis comma bitch @prof-hinkley.bsky.social · 7h

Friend: are you almost ready for our hike?
Me: *waiting for my French onion soup to cool so I can fill my Camelback* 10 mins

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jordan pumpkin spice [ham] @nursemurderer.bsky.social · 19h

yeah we are 🥰

jordan pumpkin spice [ham] @nursemurderer.bsky.social · 20h

today’s workout brought to you by: friend had me meet her at the pool so I got an extra hour of movement, feels weird to talk weight after the years of undoing fat phobia and ongoing eating disorder therapy BUT i’ve lost 85 pounds so far and that is fucking wild, MY 🍑 & an old fav by tapes n tapes

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born miserable @bornmiserable.bsky.social · 1d

ATTENTION: your reminder that you should follow the absolutely amazing @itsabbyyep.bsky.social and ALSO read and follow her hilarious and relatable blog rantmetheserenity.com IT IS WORTH IT ALWAYS YEP I HAVE SPOKEN

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born miserable @bornmiserable.bsky.social · 1d

DONALD TRUMP: let me tell you, antifa are very sick and very evil. one time they lured a boy named Charlie into a factory; he was being sucked into a huge fan and with tears in his eyes, he begged “Mr. President, please save me”

ME: uh, that was the plot of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory