The Real Melissa
@therealmelissa.bsky.social
jaded gen x-er, mom, hip-hop connoisseur 🎧 PNW 🌦️eyebrows are not my own ♾️
I was just in the car with my 17yo’s girlfriend alone for the first time. Less than 5 minutes in…
GF: you grew up Catholic, right?
Me: yes
GF: can you explain to me why you left the church and if you still feel the same way now?
JFC, get right in there, but I respect the curiosity 😂
GF: you grew up Catholic, right?
Me: yes
GF: can you explain to me why you left the church and if you still feel the same way now?
JFC, get right in there, but I respect the curiosity 😂
December 1, 2025 at 1:06 AM
I was just in the car with my 17yo’s girlfriend alone for the first time. Less than 5 minutes in…
GF: you grew up Catholic, right?
Me: yes
GF: can you explain to me why you left the church and if you still feel the same way now?
JFC, get right in there, but I respect the curiosity 😂
GF: you grew up Catholic, right?
Me: yes
GF: can you explain to me why you left the church and if you still feel the same way now?
JFC, get right in there, but I respect the curiosity 😂
a good example of autism sensory issues is the fact that I can feel every single seam on every item of clothing I’m wearing today and it’s making me feel insane
November 28, 2025 at 7:22 PM
a good example of autism sensory issues is the fact that I can feel every single seam on every item of clothing I’m wearing today and it’s making me feel insane
Reposted by The Real Melissa
That's my emotional support lol at the end of every message
November 28, 2025 at 2:47 AM
That's my emotional support lol at the end of every message
needing reading glasses to cut my fingernails is a new fun thing for me, getting old is super rad
November 26, 2025 at 8:43 PM
needing reading glasses to cut my fingernails is a new fun thing for me, getting old is super rad
Reposted by The Real Melissa
When I realized that I’m like the god of my gut microbiome, I started eating in mysterious ways
November 25, 2025 at 3:06 AM
When I realized that I’m like the god of my gut microbiome, I started eating in mysterious ways
all these kids learning to drive only electric cars are cooked when the zombie apocalypse comes
November 25, 2025 at 2:46 AM
all these kids learning to drive only electric cars are cooked when the zombie apocalypse comes
remember when bob costas had pink eye at the Olympics
November 24, 2025 at 4:13 AM
remember when bob costas had pink eye at the Olympics
Reposted by The Real Melissa
a fun thanksgiving ice breaker is to go around the table and rate everyone by hotness. it’s fine if no one else wants to play
November 20, 2025 at 11:16 PM
a fun thanksgiving ice breaker is to go around the table and rate everyone by hotness. it’s fine if no one else wants to play
Reposted by The Real Melissa
when I learn how to read it’s over for u hoes
November 21, 2025 at 7:43 AM
when I learn how to read it’s over for u hoes
grass fed, free range clown posse
handcrafted, artisanal clown posse
bespoke clown posse
November 21, 2025 at 7:53 AM
grass fed, free range clown posse
if I had been born in the 90s and not the 70s, my childhood obsession with stationary definitely would have tipped someone off to the autism
November 21, 2025 at 4:24 AM
if I had been born in the 90s and not the 70s, my childhood obsession with stationary definitely would have tipped someone off to the autism
I need to set up indoor cameras and start an OF called “weird ways I injure myself” and it’s just videos me hurting myself doing normal, everyday things
November 20, 2025 at 2:05 AM
I need to set up indoor cameras and start an OF called “weird ways I injure myself” and it’s just videos me hurting myself doing normal, everyday things
share a tv series you’ve watched from beginning to end more than once
November 19, 2025 at 6:59 AM
share a tv series you’ve watched from beginning to end more than once
this is the best day of my life because an eagle talon tried to race me on the way home
November 18, 2025 at 1:24 AM
this is the best day of my life because an eagle talon tried to race me on the way home
Reposted by The Real Melissa
Yawns are weird. You're tired? Why don't you open your mouth really big about it? What's that? You're not tired, but you saw someone else open their mouth big? Well, guess what.
November 14, 2025 at 5:29 AM
Yawns are weird. You're tired? Why don't you open your mouth really big about it? What's that? You're not tired, but you saw someone else open their mouth big? Well, guess what.
I love my new car so much I would marry it if I could
November 14, 2025 at 3:23 AM
I love my new car so much I would marry it if I could
apparently 47 is the age you start appreciating the car more for its seat comfort than almost anything else
November 11, 2025 at 6:14 AM
apparently 47 is the age you start appreciating the car more for its seat comfort than almost anything else
four months of 405 detours through my neighborhood has made me realize that I hate everyone
November 8, 2025 at 11:00 PM
four months of 405 detours through my neighborhood has made me realize that I hate everyone
just take a look at this sexy motherfucker
November 8, 2025 at 4:07 AM
just take a look at this sexy motherfucker
Reposted by The Real Melissa
Do you ever drip dry in the shower for a while pretending you're a terminator that just arrived?
November 4, 2025 at 8:58 AM
Do you ever drip dry in the shower for a while pretending you're a terminator that just arrived?
I just need everyone to know that today, an 8 year old turned slowly, looked at me with huge eyes, and whispered, “in 20 years…you’ll be six sevennnn” and I couldn’t even be mad because it’s true 😂
November 1, 2025 at 1:13 AM
I just need everyone to know that today, an 8 year old turned slowly, looked at me with huge eyes, and whispered, “in 20 years…you’ll be six sevennnn” and I couldn’t even be mad because it’s true 😂
I am burnt the fuck out
October 31, 2025 at 12:05 AM
I am burnt the fuck out
Reposted by The Real Melissa
Fuck fluoride. Let’s put some Xanax into the national water supply.
October 28, 2025 at 1:58 PM
Fuck fluoride. Let’s put some Xanax into the national water supply.