Eternal Samnation
@portmanteauface.bsky.social
Mostly I write things down, but sometimes I wrong things up. I’m working on it.
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Pinned
[jurassic park]
ALAN GRANT: the t-rex can’t see you if you don’t move
ME: *In The Air Tonight on my headphones gets to the drum solo part* fuck fuck fuck
ALAN GRANT: the t-rex can’t see you if you don’t move
ME: *In The Air Tonight on my headphones gets to the drum solo part* fuck fuck fuck
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
2020: hbo is now hbo max
2023: hbo max is now max
2025: hbo is more of a state of mind than anything
2023: hbo max is now max
2025: hbo is more of a state of mind than anything
May 10, 2025 at 5:58 PM
2020: hbo is now hbo max
2023: hbo max is now max
2025: hbo is more of a state of mind than anything
2023: hbo max is now max
2025: hbo is more of a state of mind than anything
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
you can’t tell me what to do, you’re not the wandering spirit of a girl who was murdered several centuries ago who inhabited my body to use as a vessel for vengeance against the descendants of her killers
December 7, 2025 at 12:56 AM
you can’t tell me what to do, you’re not the wandering spirit of a girl who was murdered several centuries ago who inhabited my body to use as a vessel for vengeance against the descendants of her killers
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
Don't watch me break down a cardboard box unless you want to fall in love with me
December 7, 2025 at 3:25 PM
Don't watch me break down a cardboard box unless you want to fall in love with me
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Pouring one out for the homies (dropping an excedrin under the fridge)
December 6, 2025 at 12:36 PM
Pouring one out for the homies (dropping an excedrin under the fridge)
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I can’t believe that in this day and age, people are still wearing fir.
December 7, 2025 at 2:46 PM
I can’t believe that in this day and age, people are still wearing fir.
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"Say it!"
"No!"
"Say it, Hans."
"My name's not Hans!"
"I WILL drop you."
“Fine, okay, you win!”
“I need to hear you say it.”
"Die Hard is a Christmas movie!"
"No!"
"Say it, Hans."
"My name's not Hans!"
"I WILL drop you."
“Fine, okay, you win!”
“I need to hear you say it.”
"Die Hard is a Christmas movie!"
December 6, 2025 at 4:37 PM
"Say it!"
"No!"
"Say it, Hans."
"My name's not Hans!"
"I WILL drop you."
“Fine, okay, you win!”
“I need to hear you say it.”
"Die Hard is a Christmas movie!"
"No!"
"Say it, Hans."
"My name's not Hans!"
"I WILL drop you."
“Fine, okay, you win!”
“I need to hear you say it.”
"Die Hard is a Christmas movie!"
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"You're lucky Mom says I can't open my presents until Christmas."
"But I'm not-"
"Tick tock, motherfucker."
"But I'm not-"
"Tick tock, motherfucker."
December 6, 2025 at 2:17 PM
"You're lucky Mom says I can't open my presents until Christmas."
"But I'm not-"
"Tick tock, motherfucker."
"But I'm not-"
"Tick tock, motherfucker."
You’ll note there’s no passionvegetable
December 5, 2025 at 8:16 PM
You’ll note there’s no passionvegetable
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
i found a sweater at the mall that i really want to get for my dad but the guy wearing it is being a total dick
December 5, 2025 at 1:55 PM
i found a sweater at the mall that i really want to get for my dad but the guy wearing it is being a total dick
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“Rupert darling, it’s your mother. Are you decent?”
December 4, 2025 at 4:25 PM
“Rupert darling, it’s your mother. Are you decent?”
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Reposted by Eternal Samnation
SON: Can I have a cookie?
ME: Ask nicer.
SON: May I please have a cookie?
ME: Like a Canadian.
SON: So sorry, could I please trouble you for one of your delicious cookies, good sir, eh? It’s okay if you say no. There’s probably a more deserving child.
ME: *hands over cookie*
ME: Ask nicer.
SON: May I please have a cookie?
ME: Like a Canadian.
SON: So sorry, could I please trouble you for one of your delicious cookies, good sir, eh? It’s okay if you say no. There’s probably a more deserving child.
ME: *hands over cookie*
December 3, 2025 at 5:07 PM
SON: Can I have a cookie?
ME: Ask nicer.
SON: May I please have a cookie?
ME: Like a Canadian.
SON: So sorry, could I please trouble you for one of your delicious cookies, good sir, eh? It’s okay if you say no. There’s probably a more deserving child.
ME: *hands over cookie*
ME: Ask nicer.
SON: May I please have a cookie?
ME: Like a Canadian.
SON: So sorry, could I please trouble you for one of your delicious cookies, good sir, eh? It’s okay if you say no. There’s probably a more deserving child.
ME: *hands over cookie*
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
cop: pick up that wrapper
me: no
cop: okay, have a nice day
me: no
cop: okay, have a nice day
December 3, 2025 at 1:16 PM
cop: pick up that wrapper
me: no
cop: okay, have a nice day
me: no
cop: okay, have a nice day
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
Aragon: you have my word
Frodo: um i think you mean sword
Aragon: oh shit yeah sorry . you have my sw-
Tolkien: hold on. ‘word’ is better . make it ‘word’ but do a spit take when you say it
Aragon & Frodo: what
Frodo: um i think you mean sword
Aragon: oh shit yeah sorry . you have my sw-
Tolkien: hold on. ‘word’ is better . make it ‘word’ but do a spit take when you say it
Aragon & Frodo: what
December 2, 2025 at 3:34 PM
Aragon: you have my word
Frodo: um i think you mean sword
Aragon: oh shit yeah sorry . you have my sw-
Tolkien: hold on. ‘word’ is better . make it ‘word’ but do a spit take when you say it
Aragon & Frodo: what
Frodo: um i think you mean sword
Aragon: oh shit yeah sorry . you have my sw-
Tolkien: hold on. ‘word’ is better . make it ‘word’ but do a spit take when you say it
Aragon & Frodo: what
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
Cyber Monday is here and deals are going fast! These deals are diaphanous. They are receding even as we speak, becoming mere memories of deals, prices longed for but lost, hints at what could have been had for less. A golden slant of sun through window falls on an empty countertop. Act now.
December 1, 2025 at 3:32 PM
Cyber Monday is here and deals are going fast! These deals are diaphanous. They are receding even as we speak, becoming mere memories of deals, prices longed for but lost, hints at what could have been had for less. A golden slant of sun through window falls on an empty countertop. Act now.
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
[bedtime]
daughter: dad, i’m afraid a bug will crawl into my mouth while i’m sleeping
me: don’t be silly, the spiders that live in your eyebrows would catch it first
daughter: …
me: night, sweetheart
daughter: dad, i’m afraid a bug will crawl into my mouth while i’m sleeping
me: don’t be silly, the spiders that live in your eyebrows would catch it first
daughter: …
me: night, sweetheart
December 2, 2025 at 4:42 PM
[bedtime]
daughter: dad, i’m afraid a bug will crawl into my mouth while i’m sleeping
me: don’t be silly, the spiders that live in your eyebrows would catch it first
daughter: …
me: night, sweetheart
daughter: dad, i’m afraid a bug will crawl into my mouth while i’m sleeping
me: don’t be silly, the spiders that live in your eyebrows would catch it first
daughter: …
me: night, sweetheart
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
my father still likes to tell the story about the argument he won with my mother in 1971
December 2, 2025 at 1:53 PM
my father still likes to tell the story about the argument he won with my mother in 1971
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
I always find the guy at the local cheese shop grating.
December 1, 2025 at 5:32 PM
I always find the guy at the local cheese shop grating.
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
“Five minutes, Mom. We’re playing pirates.”
December 1, 2025 at 1:03 PM
“Five minutes, Mom. We’re playing pirates.”
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Today, on an early morning walk through my hometown, the wind delivered the scent of a pizzeria prepping for the day, and I was instantly transported to 1980, and the humid back room of Vincent’s, my best friend and I pumping the quarters we’d stolen from our moms’ purses into the Asteroids machine.
November 30, 2025 at 3:29 PM
Today, on an early morning walk through my hometown, the wind delivered the scent of a pizzeria prepping for the day, and I was instantly transported to 1980, and the humid back room of Vincent’s, my best friend and I pumping the quarters we’d stolen from our moms’ purses into the Asteroids machine.
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
they’re taking all the sport out of holiday shopping
November 29, 2025 at 11:30 PM
they’re taking all the sport out of holiday shopping
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
For the life of her, Chloe could not figure out how what had seemed like such a good plan, had gone so terribly, terribly wrong.
November 29, 2025 at 1:58 PM
For the life of her, Chloe could not figure out how what had seemed like such a good plan, had gone so terribly, terribly wrong.
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
nobody:
absolutely nobody:
me: it’s the creature from the black legume
absolutely nobody:
me: it’s the creature from the black legume
November 28, 2025 at 10:59 PM
nobody:
absolutely nobody:
me: it’s the creature from the black legume
absolutely nobody:
me: it’s the creature from the black legume
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
that’s nice, seafood is expensive
November 28, 2025 at 4:16 PM
that’s nice, seafood is expensive