Eternal Samnation
@portmanteauface.bsky.social
Mostly I write things down, but sometimes I wrong things up. I’m working on it.
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Pinned
[jurassic park]
ALAN GRANT: the t-rex can’t see you if you don’t move
ME: *In The Air Tonight on my headphones gets to the drum solo part* fuck fuck fuck
ALAN GRANT: the t-rex can’t see you if you don’t move
ME: *In The Air Tonight on my headphones gets to the drum solo part* fuck fuck fuck
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
“Bambi? Yeah, I know Bambi. Great guy. Fuckin’ shame what happened to his mom. Crap, I’m sorry. You can bleep that out, right?”
December 14, 2025 at 4:20 PM
“Bambi? Yeah, I know Bambi. Great guy. Fuckin’ shame what happened to his mom. Crap, I’m sorry. You can bleep that out, right?”
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
My wife handed me a clean towel and asked me to “put it in its place.” So, I looked at it and said, “Don’t forget that you’re only a towel,” and I was reminded yet again of just how lucky this woman was to be married to me.
December 14, 2025 at 2:07 PM
My wife handed me a clean towel and asked me to “put it in its place.” So, I looked at it and said, “Don’t forget that you’re only a towel,” and I was reminded yet again of just how lucky this woman was to be married to me.
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
Most people who say "I'm bad with names" mean they can't remember them. But I'm bad with names in another way. Anyway, meet my son Dipshit
December 12, 2025 at 4:59 PM
Most people who say "I'm bad with names" mean they can't remember them. But I'm bad with names in another way. Anyway, meet my son Dipshit
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
♫ He shouldn’t have run
♫ He shouldn’t have tried
♫ They found coke in the sleigh
♫ And an old forty-five
♫ Santa Claus is going downtown
♫ He shouldn’t have tried
♫ They found coke in the sleigh
♫ And an old forty-five
♫ Santa Claus is going downtown
December 13, 2025 at 4:25 PM
♫ He shouldn’t have run
♫ He shouldn’t have tried
♫ They found coke in the sleigh
♫ And an old forty-five
♫ Santa Claus is going downtown
♫ He shouldn’t have tried
♫ They found coke in the sleigh
♫ And an old forty-five
♫ Santa Claus is going downtown
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
“Have you brought the list?”
“I have, O Great One.”
“Has it been checked twice?”
“Of course, sir”
“Excellent.”
“Do you require anything further?”
“Bring me an elf, I’m famished.”
“I have, O Great One.”
“Has it been checked twice?”
“Of course, sir”
“Excellent.”
“Do you require anything further?”
“Bring me an elf, I’m famished.”
December 13, 2025 at 2:09 PM
“Have you brought the list?”
“I have, O Great One.”
“Has it been checked twice?”
“Of course, sir”
“Excellent.”
“Do you require anything further?”
“Bring me an elf, I’m famished.”
“I have, O Great One.”
“Has it been checked twice?”
“Of course, sir”
“Excellent.”
“Do you require anything further?”
“Bring me an elf, I’m famished.”
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
Watched that stupid, super violent movie Sisu last night and had the best time. When the Nazi soldier gets blown up by a landmine and his leg flies through the air and lands on another landmine which also explodes for no particular reason, I laughed my ass off.
December 7, 2025 at 10:05 PM
Watched that stupid, super violent movie Sisu last night and had the best time. When the Nazi soldier gets blown up by a landmine and his leg flies through the air and lands on another landmine which also explodes for no particular reason, I laughed my ass off.
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
I still have a glovebox full of Bed Bath and Beyond coupons. Hope springs eternal.
December 8, 2025 at 5:24 AM
I still have a glovebox full of Bed Bath and Beyond coupons. Hope springs eternal.
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Another way to save time at work is to not do a good job.
December 10, 2025 at 4:47 AM
Another way to save time at work is to not do a good job.
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
Burn After Reading, a very overlooked Coen brothers movie. J.K. Simmons has a small roll but is perfect, as usual. A CIA muckety-muck, with no political passion or agenda. He just wants to clean up agency messes as efficiently as possible and get it off his desk.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDS9...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDS9...
CIA Debrief The Events | Burn After Reading
YouTube video by Critic Picks
www.youtube.com
December 13, 2025 at 3:53 AM
Burn After Reading, a very overlooked Coen brothers movie. J.K. Simmons has a small roll but is perfect, as usual. A CIA muckety-muck, with no political passion or agenda. He just wants to clean up agency messes as efficiently as possible and get it off his desk.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDS9...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDS9...
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
♫ and a partridge in a bear tree
December 12, 2025 at 6:00 PM
♫ and a partridge in a bear tree
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
♫ 12 drummers drumming
♫ 11 pipers piping
♫ 10 lords a-leaping
♫ 9 ladies dancing
♫ 8 maids a-milking
♫ 7 swans a-swimming
♫ 6 geese a-laying
♫
♫ 11 pipers piping
♫ 10 lords a-leaping
♫ 9 ladies dancing
♫ 8 maids a-milking
♫ 7 swans a-swimming
♫ 6 geese a-laying
♫
December 12, 2025 at 1:27 PM
♫ 12 drummers drumming
♫ 11 pipers piping
♫ 10 lords a-leaping
♫ 9 ladies dancing
♫ 8 maids a-milking
♫ 7 swans a-swimming
♫ 6 geese a-laying
♫
♫ 11 pipers piping
♫ 10 lords a-leaping
♫ 9 ladies dancing
♫ 8 maids a-milking
♫ 7 swans a-swimming
♫ 6 geese a-laying
♫
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
Gambling debts, two divorces, and a cocaine habit had left R2-D2 nearly broke. One night, drunk on White Claws, he drives his Porsche through the front window of a Santa Monica Walgreens, losing both his legs. Finding himself on the street, he now takes odd jobs just to survive.
December 11, 2025 at 8:35 PM
Gambling debts, two divorces, and a cocaine habit had left R2-D2 nearly broke. One night, drunk on White Claws, he drives his Porsche through the front window of a Santa Monica Walgreens, losing both his legs. Finding himself on the street, he now takes odd jobs just to survive.
(to the tune of The Lady In Red by Chris de Burgh) 🎵 BACON AND EGGS 🎵
December 11, 2025 at 5:43 PM
(to the tune of The Lady In Red by Chris de Burgh) 🎵 BACON AND EGGS 🎵
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♫ CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON ♫
December 11, 2025 at 12:24 PM
♫ CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON ♫
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I don’t know who needs to hear this but all the followers and likes in the world won’t amount to a single additional mourner at your funeral.
December 6, 2025 at 3:23 PM
I don’t know who needs to hear this but all the followers and likes in the world won’t amount to a single additional mourner at your funeral.
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
Me: *thinking to myself after someone wrongs me* You made an inconsequential and powerless enemy today my friend
October 5, 2025 at 12:53 PM
Me: *thinking to myself after someone wrongs me* You made an inconsequential and powerless enemy today my friend
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CENTURIES-LONG GLOBAL HOME INVASION SPREE FINALLY ENDS
December 10, 2025 at 6:05 PM
CENTURIES-LONG GLOBAL HOME INVASION SPREE FINALLY ENDS
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my wife says my interest in miniature tools is an obsession but i keep telling her that it’s just a little vise
December 10, 2025 at 1:37 PM
my wife says my interest in miniature tools is an obsession but i keep telling her that it’s just a little vise
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The only problem with knowing The Absolute Truth about everything is everyone hates me and I am forced to live alone in my 05 Buick Century parked in a state forest
December 5, 2025 at 2:12 PM
The only problem with knowing The Absolute Truth about everything is everyone hates me and I am forced to live alone in my 05 Buick Century parked in a state forest
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My new rose hip vitamin c pills are not chewable. I learned this the hard way. Unless rose hips taste like gasoline.
December 6, 2025 at 5:11 PM
My new rose hip vitamin c pills are not chewable. I learned this the hard way. Unless rose hips taste like gasoline.
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Imagine a cobra out in the wild, starving and pissed, then he hears a flute and goes, "Damn, that’s my jam!"
November 5, 2025 at 9:02 AM
Imagine a cobra out in the wild, starving and pissed, then he hears a flute and goes, "Damn, that’s my jam!"
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A slightly tipsy Ursa Marceau does his famous “bear stuck in a box” routine for Santa and the elves at the annual North Pole company Christmas party.
December 9, 2025 at 4:53 PM
A slightly tipsy Ursa Marceau does his famous “bear stuck in a box” routine for Santa and the elves at the annual North Pole company Christmas party.
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
“I bring you news from the front, m’lord. Food bowls are empty, litter boxes are full, and the natives are getting restless.”
December 9, 2025 at 2:16 PM
“I bring you news from the front, m’lord. Food bowls are empty, litter boxes are full, and the natives are getting restless.”
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
when the couple across the street is fighting again and you’re trying to listen without looking conspicuous
December 8, 2025 at 8:47 PM
when the couple across the street is fighting again and you’re trying to listen without looking conspicuous
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
our neighborhoods continue to teem with violent migrant street gangs
December 8, 2025 at 4:17 PM
our neighborhoods continue to teem with violent migrant street gangs