Mark Agee
@markagee.bsky.social
I write stuff and jokes, sometimes for TV shows for money. I like fried pickles.
Lane’s in a hotel room right now with a bag of coke mediating a debate between his OnlyFans girlfriend and ChatGPT about which coaching job he should not finish next
I shouldn't have to know what Lane Kiffin is or isn't doing. I have a lot of problems of my own and live in the northeast. Get it together dude.
November 30, 2025 at 6:07 AM
Lane’s in a hotel room right now with a bag of coke mediating a debate between his OnlyFans girlfriend and ChatGPT about which coaching job he should not finish next
As a Dallas sports fan watching Post Malone after Detroit rolled out Jack White and Eminem is like what it feels like sitting in traffic while thinking about Japan’s maglev trains
November 27, 2025 at 11:16 PM
As a Dallas sports fan watching Post Malone after Detroit rolled out Jack White and Eminem is like what it feels like sitting in traffic while thinking about Japan’s maglev trains
Reposted by Mark Agee
I heard that thanksgiving turkeys are physically too big to have sex. Let's just say… Myth: BUSTED
November 21, 2023 at 12:00 AM
I heard that thanksgiving turkeys are physically too big to have sex. Let's just say… Myth: BUSTED
The Stranger Things kids look like they go to the school nurse to take statins
November 26, 2025 at 10:57 PM
The Stranger Things kids look like they go to the school nurse to take statins
To me the most depressing thing about AI is how many people would want to live in the Matrix, not because of the fantasy world part, but they want to be an inert human pod battery
November 26, 2025 at 9:13 PM
To me the most depressing thing about AI is how many people would want to live in the Matrix, not because of the fantasy world part, but they want to be an inert human pod battery
We need Shane Black to cozy up to Bibi like Brett Ratner did so we get The Nice Guys 2 through Ni9e Guys
After bringing back Rush Hour, which franchise might Trump resurrect next?
After bringing back Rush Hour, which franchise might Trump resurrect next?
The president’s bizarre insistence that the dead Jackie Chan-Chris Tucker series should return resulted in a shock announcement this week. Maybe there’s more to come …
www.theguardian.com
November 26, 2025 at 4:33 PM
We need Shane Black to cozy up to Bibi like Brett Ratner did so we get The Nice Guys 2 through Ni9e Guys
This is the first time I’ve been able to watch Luka since February without a trauma response and I gotta say I get the appeal of being a Lakers fan. It’s like if you could opt in to being a Golden Retriever
November 26, 2025 at 6:11 AM
This is the first time I’ve been able to watch Luka since February without a trauma response and I gotta say I get the appeal of being a Lakers fan. It’s like if you could opt in to being a Golden Retriever
Me in line for a lukewarm coffee from Chili's Too while an air traffic controller operates two extra work stations with his feet
November 24, 2025 at 9:22 PM
Me in line for a lukewarm coffee from Chili's Too while an air traffic controller operates two extra work stations with his feet
I mean this sincerely, if you’re gonna think so small that it’s only in terms of what they wear at least try pink uniforms and “I’m With Stupid” hats, it’ll work
eric swalwell said on msnow that a major goal of a dem majority after the midterms would be for ice masks to come off and badges to come out, this is insufficient
November 24, 2025 at 4:14 AM
I mean this sincerely, if you’re gonna think so small that it’s only in terms of what they wear at least try pink uniforms and “I’m With Stupid” hats, it’ll work
MAHA means feeding your child dye-less beige Skittles through their second forehead mouth
Unreal: "The EPA is moving forward with approvals for pesticides containing 'forever chemicals' as an active ingredient... The agency also announced plans to relax a rule requiring companies to report products containing PFAS and has proposed weakening drinking water standards for the chemicals."
November 23, 2025 at 3:57 PM
MAHA means feeding your child dye-less beige Skittles through their second forehead mouth
Stands on a box, screams into megaphone pointed into world's largest alphorn: WE'RE DOING COVERT OPERATIONS
Exclusive: US to launch new phase of Venezuela operations, sources say reut.rs/4oekAL4
Exclusive: US to launch new phase of Venezuela operations, sources say
U.S. official sources told Reuters covert operations would likely be the first part of the new action.
reut.rs
November 22, 2025 at 10:13 PM
Stands on a box, screams into megaphone pointed into world's largest alphorn: WE'RE DOING COVERT OPERATIONS
Having a house with a pool is material, whether or not you can see the sun when you sit in it, or the water makes your kids grow an ear on their forehead, is not
If there’s no shale gas then there’s no shale gas, but I still think environmentalism is basically bad and politicians should focus more on material prosperity.
November 19, 2025 at 5:42 PM
Having a house with a pool is material, whether or not you can see the sun when you sit in it, or the water makes your kids grow an ear on their forehead, is not
"Olivia Nuzzi tried to be a pro-Lolita teen pop star" will now join my DMT-surge dying utterances, alongside "Prior to becoming a children's entertainer, Blippi once made a Harlem Shake video where he shit on a guy's chest"
November 18, 2025 at 5:31 PM
"Olivia Nuzzi tried to be a pro-Lolita teen pop star" will now join my DMT-surge dying utterances, alongside "Prior to becoming a children's entertainer, Blippi once made a Harlem Shake video where he shit on a guy's chest"
Reposted by Mark Agee
really just three types of videos of the president now
(Standing in front some corporate logo) I fixed toasters. They used to explode left and right. Not anymore!
(In front of reporters) bad question! rude question! Also, never wear horizontal stripes, honey
(In Oval Office) I won the EKG award!
(Standing in front some corporate logo) I fixed toasters. They used to explode left and right. Not anymore!
(In front of reporters) bad question! rude question! Also, never wear horizontal stripes, honey
(In Oval Office) I won the EKG award!
November 18, 2025 at 3:51 AM
really just three types of videos of the president now
(Standing in front some corporate logo) I fixed toasters. They used to explode left and right. Not anymore!
(In front of reporters) bad question! rude question! Also, never wear horizontal stripes, honey
(In Oval Office) I won the EKG award!
(Standing in front some corporate logo) I fixed toasters. They used to explode left and right. Not anymore!
(In front of reporters) bad question! rude question! Also, never wear horizontal stripes, honey
(In Oval Office) I won the EKG award!
The fact the ending of this is far better written than her piece must feel so great
oh my god you have to read this until the end www.telos.news/p/part-1-how...
Part 1: How I Found Out
Olivia had just returned from a reporting trip—at least that’s what she told me it was—and her Herschel backpack, the one with the flap that never quite closed properly, was tossed beside our bed, its...
www.telos.news
November 18, 2025 at 4:47 AM
The fact the ending of this is far better written than her piece must feel so great
I bet when RFK Jr. busts it sounds like a dump truck's gears grinding while it hits a Saint Bernard, which real life RFK Jr. would take home and make into a chili
November 14, 2025 at 5:59 PM
I bet when RFK Jr. busts it sounds like a dump truck's gears grinding while it hits a Saint Bernard, which real life RFK Jr. would take home and make into a chili
"Sir it's been live for an hour and there's already three million videos of Goofy fucking Pluto while the users joke about if it's beastiality"
Bob Iger says Disney+ will soon have AI-generated short form content from users
(via THR)
(via THR)
November 13, 2025 at 7:50 PM
"Sir it's been live for an hour and there's already three million videos of Goofy fucking Pluto while the users joke about if it's beastiality"
Feeling embarrassingly unproductive that Epstein was apparently a Zero Inbox guy
November 13, 2025 at 4:42 AM
Feeling embarrassingly unproductive that Epstein was apparently a Zero Inbox guy
I'm not sure whether it's an effect of True Crime or lawyer shows or the American instinct to retreat to first principles to seem high-minded like we're doing Moot Court, but we have lost the ability to look at damning circumstantial evidence and be like "Yeah that motherfucker did that shit"
"Trump has not been implicated in wrongdoing" -- CNN offers this dubious disclaimer in every interview they do about Epstein
November 12, 2025 at 8:19 PM
I'm not sure whether it's an effect of True Crime or lawyer shows or the American instinct to retreat to first principles to seem high-minded like we're doing Moot Court, but we have lost the ability to look at damning circumstantial evidence and be like "Yeah that motherfucker did that shit"
I have watched thus florty slevin times the last two days and cried every one
second verse on this is one of the funniest things i've ever heard
November 12, 2025 at 3:50 AM
I have watched thus florty slevin times the last two days and cried every one
I need my movies where a guy does parkour judo on top of maglev trains in a three-piece suit to be emotionally grounded
James Bond’s death in No Time to Die is causing a nightmare for the next film. Writers are stuck because Bond “was blown to pieces.”
Anthony Horowitz, author of three 007 novels, says:
“You can't have him wake up in shower and saying it was all a dream."
radaronline.com/p/james-bond...
Anthony Horowitz, author of three 007 novels, says:
“You can't have him wake up in shower and saying it was all a dream."
radaronline.com/p/james-bond...
November 11, 2025 at 8:40 PM
I need my movies where a guy does parkour judo on top of maglev trains in a three-piece suit to be emotionally grounded
Imagine heading into work with a fresh cup of coffee and getting a Shams alert that three months from now you’ll be found in a running car in a garage after your wife leaves
November 11, 2025 at 3:36 PM
Imagine heading into work with a fresh cup of coffee and getting a Shams alert that three months from now you’ll be found in a running car in a garage after your wife leaves
“Americans will remember the losers who lost on purpose, and take our side, in hopes that we gain resolve that we don’t have, then we will definitely surrender again”
Hassan: With the government reopening shortly, Republicans now finally have to come to the table. Or make no mistake, Americans will remember who stood in the way.
November 10, 2025 at 4:55 AM
“Americans will remember the losers who lost on purpose, and take our side, in hopes that we gain resolve that we don’t have, then we will definitely surrender again”
I’ve typed and deleted about 14 responses to lying coward politicians who I hope die in as much pain as they are complicit in, how is everyone else
November 10, 2025 at 4:09 AM
I’ve typed and deleted about 14 responses to lying coward politicians who I hope die in as much pain as they are complicit in, how is everyone else