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Juan Thicc

@gabemathewsband.bsky.social

1.6K followers 650 following 990 posts

The Earth rotates every 24 hours, but I only rotate off the couch when absolutely necessary.

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Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · Dec 20

I remember when toilet paper and eggs were in such abundance that we threw them at peoples houses for fun.

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Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 2h

🕯️

Reposted by Juan Thicc

Nibblerstein’s Monster @arcanenibbler.bsky.social · Aug 7

I took a milk bath to soften my skin, but now I have Lucky Charms marshmallows stuck all over my body.

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Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 8h

I used to think a misogynist was a person who hated massages.
Then my therapist told me I should read more — like I need advice from a woman.

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 8h

Is there anything white people love to talk about more than the time they pulled up the carpet and found original hardwood flooring?

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 8h

Skipping the light fandango.
For now.

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 8h

Ladies if you have no ass, they aren’t leggings. They’re just long sleeved panties.

Reposted by Juan Thicc

𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀 @unfitz.bsky.social · 10h

“I couldn’t agree more” is the ninja of insults.

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Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 8h

What part of the horse does hummus come from?

1 3

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 8h

Mezcal is just tequila with a
neck tattoo.

1 1

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 8h

If you try to pronounce “lmao” you end up sounding like a French cat.

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 9h

You can tell a lot about a person by judging them.

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 12h

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 13h

😔

Reposted by Juan Thicc

trickyNOtreat 🎃 @trickykat.bsky.social · 4d

not gonna post good until the rest of you do the fucking same

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Reposted by Juan Thicc

Shade 5 @shade5.bsky.social · 1d

One more time but with less feeling.

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Reposted by Juan Thicc

Black Aziz Anansi @blackazizanansi.blacksky.app · 1d

Can we just send teams of comedians out to roast ICE?

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Reposted by Juan Thicc

Cap’n Watsisname @capnwatsisname.bsky.social · 1d

Sorry I missed Canadian thanksgiving again. Sorry. Sorry. Anyway, sorry.

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Reposted by Juan Thicc

Jason Goes to Hell @benedictsred.bsky.social · 1d

White people be like let me turn on Steely Dan

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Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 16h

I’m assuming that a “Columbus Day Sale” means I can just walk into any store and take whatever I want.

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Reposted by Juan Thicc

trickyNOtreat 🎃 @trickykat.bsky.social · 1d

Little Debbie called she thinks she left the honey buns and her thong behind the couch cushions

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Reposted by Juan Thicc

The Volatile Mermaid @ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social · 18h

I don’t understand why we need a “Columbus Day” when this country celebrates incompetent white men failing up and taking what isn’t theirs all year round.

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Reposted by Juan Thicc

FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 18h

Why are they called air marshals and not plane clothes policemen

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Reposted by Juan Thicc

𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕒𝕖 𝔾𝕦𝕣𝕝 @sundaedivine.bsky.social · 18h

Congress better hurry up and settle the shutdown before everyone figures out they’re nonessential personnel.

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Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 16h

The tired in me recognizes the tired in you.

Juan Thicc @gabemathewsband.bsky.social · 17h

“Don’t be afraid to cut people off” —Lorena Bobbitt