Gabriel
@b1uecruz.bsky.social
“Bastard grant us, in our direst need, the smallest gifts: the nail of the horseshoe, the pin of the axle, the feather at the pivot point, the pebble at the mountain’s peak, the kiss in despair, the one right word. In darkness, understanding.”
Reposted by Gabriel
A twelve year old can make AI porn of his teacher but cannot see the movie Before Sunrise in theaters. Does that not feel completely insane.
November 29, 2025 at 4:23 AM
A twelve year old can make AI porn of his teacher but cannot see the movie Before Sunrise in theaters. Does that not feel completely insane.
Reposted by Gabriel
Don’t let consumerism erase the true meaning of the holiday 🙏
Did you know? Black Friday is named in honor of Rebecca Black, who invented Friday in 2011.
November 28, 2025 at 3:18 PM
Don’t let consumerism erase the true meaning of the holiday 🙏
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Zohran flip your hair again we need healthcare get him to give us healthcare.
November 21, 2025 at 9:26 PM
Zohran flip your hair again we need healthcare get him to give us healthcare.
Reposted by Gabriel
They're also responsible for one of the best emails I've ever received, when the college office sent out a plea for sightings of Professor Biscuit while conveniently forgetting to mention that he was a cat...(I won't comment on how often a similar email might have gone out about human Professors...)
November 21, 2025 at 1:01 PM
They're also responsible for one of the best emails I've ever received, when the college office sent out a plea for sightings of Professor Biscuit while conveniently forgetting to mention that he was a cat...(I won't comment on how often a similar email might have gone out about human Professors...)
Reposted by Gabriel
Reposted by Gabriel
Every chair is a weird chair if you put enough cranberry sauce on the seat
It's almost Thanksgiving! Got an ICE member coming for dinner at your house? No you don't! Can't stop them because you're not the one hosting? No problem. You can shun them, mock them, shame them, cough in their food. They get the weird chair. No weird chair? Make a weird chair.
November 20, 2025 at 11:19 PM
Every chair is a weird chair if you put enough cranberry sauce on the seat
Oh. Joy.
What the hell: The US accidentally invaded Mexico on Monday, storming a beach and planting DoD “restricted area” signs claiming the land for “the commander,” and triggered a standoff with armed Mexican security forces, all because Trump’s government can’t even identify a border on a map. 🧵 1/
November 20, 2025 at 11:00 PM
Oh. Joy.
Reposted by Gabriel
Bards: the cause of and solution to all of our problems
November 20, 2025 at 6:26 PM
Bards: the cause of and solution to all of our problems
Reposted by Gabriel
So that means that any attempt to neuter a hippo is:
A) Exploratory Surgery
B) Done under "best guess" conditions
C) Where the drugs are *going* to wear off
D) On an animal that weighs more than a Ford F150
E) All of which is muscle
F) On testicles that are hiding from you
G) And it is mad about it
A) Exploratory Surgery
B) Done under "best guess" conditions
C) Where the drugs are *going* to wear off
D) On an animal that weighs more than a Ford F150
E) All of which is muscle
F) On testicles that are hiding from you
G) And it is mad about it
a large hippopotamus is standing in the water with its mouth open
Alt: a large hippopotamus is standing in the water with its mouth open
media.tenor.com
March 12, 2025 at 5:53 AM
So that means that any attempt to neuter a hippo is:
A) Exploratory Surgery
B) Done under "best guess" conditions
C) Where the drugs are *going* to wear off
D) On an animal that weighs more than a Ford F150
E) All of which is muscle
F) On testicles that are hiding from you
G) And it is mad about it
A) Exploratory Surgery
B) Done under "best guess" conditions
C) Where the drugs are *going* to wear off
D) On an animal that weighs more than a Ford F150
E) All of which is muscle
F) On testicles that are hiding from you
G) And it is mad about it
A thousand times this
“‘No kings’ is about more than Trump.”
“‘No kings’ is about more than Trump.”
Democrats believe in competent government, practical & responsible. That means Dems think of politicians as people with a job and not as special people who need to be honored or protected. Respected for the work If done well, sure, but fully accountable. 'No kings' is about more than Trump.
November 20, 2025 at 7:05 PM
A thousand times this
“‘No kings’ is about more than Trump.”
“‘No kings’ is about more than Trump.”
Reposted by Gabriel
Reposted by Gabriel
me when I crush their fragile egos in the palm of my hand
November 16, 2025 at 7:45 AM
me when I crush their fragile egos in the palm of my hand
Reposted by Gabriel
Some inspiring words on cinema in the streaming era from the Pope.
Yes, THAT Pope.
Yes, THAT Pope.
November 15, 2025 at 4:26 PM
Some inspiring words on cinema in the streaming era from the Pope.
Yes, THAT Pope.
Yes, THAT Pope.
A @vinnythomas.bsky.social video would be just perfect
I would give a kidney for the twinkiest twink that ever twinked to say SORRY MR. PRESIDENT, CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU WITH ALL THAT DICK IN YOUR MOUTH.
November 15, 2025 at 5:44 PM
A @vinnythomas.bsky.social video would be just perfect
Reposted by Gabriel
Smartly shut up Saturday
November 15, 2025 at 4:45 PM
Smartly shut up Saturday
Reposted by Gabriel
And not to get too real on a late night post, but yeah.
I am *so* fucking done with people acting like this is normal. That the president of our country can just flat out lie and it’s not a big deal. That an entire branch of our government has been subverted to the whims of a serial liar.
I am *so* fucking done with people acting like this is normal. That the president of our country can just flat out lie and it’s not a big deal. That an entire branch of our government has been subverted to the whims of a serial liar.
As someone who has had multiple MRIs, you absolutely know what the techs are imaging before they put you in the machine, because if there is any sort of metal in the target area you *really* need to let them know beforehand since cleaning bloodstains out of the tube is NOT a good time
Trump: I had an MRI and the result was outstanding.
Reporter: Was it your brain?
Trump: I have no idea what they analyzed, but whatever they analyzed, they analyzed it well.
Reporter: Was it your brain?
Trump: I have no idea what they analyzed, but whatever they analyzed, they analyzed it well.
November 15, 2025 at 8:04 AM
And not to get too real on a late night post, but yeah.
I am *so* fucking done with people acting like this is normal. That the president of our country can just flat out lie and it’s not a big deal. That an entire branch of our government has been subverted to the whims of a serial liar.
I am *so* fucking done with people acting like this is normal. That the president of our country can just flat out lie and it’s not a big deal. That an entire branch of our government has been subverted to the whims of a serial liar.
No.
Because if you fed the hungry, gave water to the thirsty, visited the imprisoned, and welcomed the foreigner, all while naked and covered in marmite, those are still saintly.
Don’t want to derail by responding seriously to an obvious joke, but it’s important to me that He sees us for who we are.
Because if you fed the hungry, gave water to the thirsty, visited the imprisoned, and welcomed the foreigner, all while naked and covered in marmite, those are still saintly.
Don’t want to derail by responding seriously to an obvious joke, but it’s important to me that He sees us for who we are.
What about ultimate heresy? Is that all there is? Can you ultimate heresy twice or ultimate heresy +1? Is it even more heretical to commit the ultimate heresy while naked and covered in Marmite?
November 15, 2025 at 1:22 AM
No.
Because if you fed the hungry, gave water to the thirsty, visited the imprisoned, and welcomed the foreigner, all while naked and covered in marmite, those are still saintly.
Don’t want to derail by responding seriously to an obvious joke, but it’s important to me that He sees us for who we are.
Because if you fed the hungry, gave water to the thirsty, visited the imprisoned, and welcomed the foreigner, all while naked and covered in marmite, those are still saintly.
Don’t want to derail by responding seriously to an obvious joke, but it’s important to me that He sees us for who we are.
Reposted by Gabriel
Can we please just not? The number of people that are going to do something terrible "because Jesus told me to" because of syncophantic chat bots is just obviously non-zero. What is wrong with people?!
The app Text With Jesus uses artificial intelligence and chatbots to offer spiritual guidance to users who are looking to connect with a higher power: on.nbc10.com/7XM8xrf
People can text with Jesus on a controversial new app. How does it work?
Artificial intelligence app Text With Jesus lets users chat with biblical figures and it is raising debate over faith and technology.
on.nbc10.com
November 14, 2025 at 11:00 PM
Can we please just not? The number of people that are going to do something terrible "because Jesus told me to" because of syncophantic chat bots is just obviously non-zero. What is wrong with people?!
Hate to say it, but it probably helps that there’s no term limits for NY governor. She figures out how to get NYC into consistently backing her, and she can easily spend the next decade plus in Albany.
listen I don't know much about her and most of the people I follow in NY have not been the biggest fans, but it's sort of a relief that SOMEONE who they are not the biggest fans of has read the fucking room.
November 15, 2025 at 12:04 AM
Hate to say it, but it probably helps that there’s no term limits for NY governor. She figures out how to get NYC into consistently backing her, and she can easily spend the next decade plus in Albany.
Reposted by Gabriel
5. Third, it should need to be said, but let's dismiss the criticism that these were all Republicans. The participants in a partisan attack on democracy had a partisan skew. That's surprising in the same way it's surprising to find beef in a Brazilian steakhouse.
November 14, 2025 at 1:47 PM
5. Third, it should need to be said, but let's dismiss the criticism that these were all Republicans. The participants in a partisan attack on democracy had a partisan skew. That's surprising in the same way it's surprising to find beef in a Brazilian steakhouse.
On this day of Starbucks strikes, I want remind everyone that if you, like I used (and looks like will again) drink coffee or soda to an excessive degree, like 5+ cups a day, you may want to get an ADHD assessment.
I privately theorize that a fuck of a lot of self medicate using coffee and soda.
I privately theorize that a fuck of a lot of self medicate using coffee and soda.
November 14, 2025 at 6:22 AM
On this day of Starbucks strikes, I want remind everyone that if you, like I used (and looks like will again) drink coffee or soda to an excessive degree, like 5+ cups a day, you may want to get an ADHD assessment.
I privately theorize that a fuck of a lot of self medicate using coffee and soda.
I privately theorize that a fuck of a lot of self medicate using coffee and soda.
Reposted by Gabriel
WHAT IS THIS STRANGE LIQUID PLUMMETING FROM THE CALIFORNIA SKIES HAVE WE BEEN HEXED BY WITCHES??
November 14, 2025 at 2:09 AM
WHAT IS THIS STRANGE LIQUID PLUMMETING FROM THE CALIFORNIA SKIES HAVE WE BEEN HEXED BY WITCHES??
Reposted by Gabriel
Today is the 9th anniversary of the day Maggie stole an entire pecan pie and got drunk from all the sugar. Happy Purloined Pecan Pie Day from our family to yours!
November 13, 2025 at 7:41 PM
Today is the 9th anniversary of the day Maggie stole an entire pecan pie and got drunk from all the sugar. Happy Purloined Pecan Pie Day from our family to yours!