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nika

@nikalamity.bsky.social

1.2K followers 410 following 430 posts

a hot mess My Posts https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:m2vyt2c75uebzega5vcbyypf/feed/aaadgbdqzhulm

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nika @nikalamity.bsky.social · Jan 22

Alexa, skip this presidency

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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 14h

don’t forget to cross your arms over your chest before you lower yourself back down into the bog for the night

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nika @nikalamity.bsky.social · 9h

i know this is a simulation bc today i rooted for Fox News over the Pentagon

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Kellaweena 🎃 @kellalena.bsky.social · 19h

If you see me in public that’s my stunt double.

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nika @nikalamity.bsky.social · 14h

making my kids watch a video of the last time i yelled at them like they do at the pentagon

nika @nikalamity.bsky.social · 19h

i feel bad for when a woman’s life expectancy was in her 40s/50s bc just as she got into the stride of telling everyone to fuck off, she died

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Addled Pixie’s Chasm of Spasm 💀🧟👻 @addledpixie.bsky.social · 2d

I’m not so much cloaked in Gucci and in scandal as I am cloaked in T.J. Maxx and anxiety.

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RiotGrlErin @riotgrlerin.bsky.social · 2d

arthritis is just early onset rigor mortis.

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Not JPo @notjpo.bsky.social · 2d

Reverse cowgirl so you can perform a spinal manipulation to treat my sciatica

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Pandy Fackler 🎃 @thatbrenna.bsky.social · 2d

The only Christopher I celebrate is Walken

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Tits McDick @titsmcdick.bsky.social · 2d

This is not what the 21st century looked like in the brochure.

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The Volatile Mermaid @ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social · 3d

I don’t understand why we need a “Columbus Day” when this country celebrates incompetent white men failing up and taking what isn’t theirs all year round.

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undead girlfriend @hausofholes.bsky.social · 2d

at my funeral everyone is allowed to take a little piece of me home as a party favor

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🎃 Taylor S. Pumpkins 🎃 @taylorschu.bsky.social · 2d

got off schedule on my dehumidifier emptying and now they are on opposite schedules and things are really going off the rails for me

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🎃return of the Obra Deeny🎃(they/them) @geraldinepiche.bsky.social · 2d

*watching porn*

"This better not be woke"

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show me your kitties @frickinferal.bsky.social · 2d

Asking, “Is it haunted?” on every antique posted on my local marketplace.

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nika @nikalamity.bsky.social · 2d

in honor of Columbus Day i dropped my kid off at the wrong school and told him he couldn’t come home until he terrorized the other students and stole some stuff

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Jason the Spooky®️ 💛🤍💜🖤 @jasontheaverage.bsky.social · 2d

Right now if someone put me in a basement and chained me to a bed, I’d thank them.

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nika @nikalamity.bsky.social · 3d

one time when the kids were little my MIL said clusterfuck in front of them and i was so mad because i wanted to teach them that

nika @nikalamity.bsky.social · 6d

RFK: voting democrat causes autism

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John Moe @johnmoe.bsky.social · 10d

When musicians don’t know how to end a song, they just fade out. I think other writers should do that too. Sketch comedy, screenwriting, playwrights. Have everyone talk softer and softer as they slowly sneak off stage.
Novelists can end chapters with gradually shrinking type.

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 10d

[abruptly stops playing my air banjo] Oh the intervention is for ME?

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Kellaweena 🎃 @kellalena.bsky.social · 14d

“No worries,” I say, from the fetal position.

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nika @nikalamity.bsky.social · 14d

i have ideas of federal workers to lay off if they need names

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Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 14d

i'm fifty one years old and really trying to analyze the hardships i've faced over my life; whether they were a product of my environment, my own decisions, or random groups of people that i can point at and blame for everything and let me just say thank goodness for those random groups of people

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Inspector Ratchet @1nspectratchet.bsky.social · 14d

"Are you going to be ok during the government shutdown?" buddy I'm still recovering from when the library switched to digital catalogs in 1998

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