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Matt

@coolnessinc.bsky.social

930 followers 240 following 990 posts

He/Him. I live in Indiana, but not like that. I like books and coffee. I’m a cat person, but I’ll still pet your dog. Silly Ideas: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:modcracogimat5hfyc325zsg/feed/aaanunf43yybk

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Matt @coolnessinc.bsky.social · Jan 22

If you’re traveling and need someone to be anxious about killing your plants while actively killing your plants, I’m your guy.

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Matt @coolnessinc.bsky.social · 3h

If I could speak cat for 30 seconds I would say “I am in control of the vacuum cleaner. I will not let it get you.”

Matt @coolnessinc.bsky.social · 4h

I know this isn’t what you’re talking about, but this is my that.

Reposted by Matt

spleenly @spleenly.bsky.social · 11h

Why age verify when I am very obviously 97% dead.

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Matt @coolnessinc.bsky.social · 21h

Do it! Even if you don’t use it a ton, more cardholders = more funding for your library.

Matt @coolnessinc.bsky.social · 21h

I crave cheese at bedtime. Evolution is weird.

Matt @coolnessinc.bsky.social · 22h

Mine likes to do it next to my head while I’m sleeping. When it wakes me up she gives me a look that says “you’re welcome”.

Matt @coolnessinc.bsky.social · 22h

😬

Matt @coolnessinc.bsky.social · 1d

10/10. A+ skeet.

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Reposted by Matt

🕷️🕸️emcEEKayvee🕸️🕷️ @emceekayvee.bsky.social · 1d

I need to keep track of the frequency of my patient’s feces-smearing behaviors. Guess I’ll make a spreadshit.

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Reposted by Matt

Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 1d

ME: Gesundheit.

THEM: But I didn't sneeze.

ME: {mysteriously} Not yet...

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Matt @coolnessinc.bsky.social · 1d

I read a book about hurricanes, but it blew.

Forrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · 1d

I read a book about plumbing, but it was shitty

ficklenuts has a pair of normal entiddies 👻 @ficklenuts.bsky.social · 1d

I tried reading a book about mazes, but I got lost

Reposted by Matt

Forrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · 1d

I read a book about plumbing, but it was shitty

ficklenuts has a pair of normal entiddies 👻 @ficklenuts.bsky.social · 1d

I tried reading a book about mazes, but I got lost

Randy Coppinger 🎙🎛🎧 @randycoppinger.bsky.social · 1d

I read a romance novel where the primary location was a pizzeria. It was so cheesy!

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Matt @coolnessinc.bsky.social · 1d

I hear that goddamn brush/click sound in my sleep.

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Reposted by Matt

andy vs. @im-all-id.me · 1d

Oops I deleted slack and outlook and threw my computer in a ditch

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The Amytyville Horror @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 1d

sports bras for sports breasts
turkey bras for turkey breasts

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Matt @coolnessinc.bsky.social · 1d

Damn. Maybe tomorrow.

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Reposted by Matt

Queen RanDumb @invisihole.bsky.social · 1d

Today really leaned into the Mondays are suckass days trope.

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Reposted by Matt

Memento (Spooky) Morty 🌙 @mementomorty.bsky.social · 1d

I'll find you in every lifetime (menacing)

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Reposted by Matt

andy vs. @im-all-id.me · 1d

If Pedro Pascal played Gomez Addams they'd have to replace all the seats in the theater

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Reposted by Matt

erika @yeeeerika.bsky.social · 2d

sorry i can't tonight, i'm busy taking things personally

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Matt @coolnessinc.bsky.social · 1d

#bornforthis

Reposted by Matt

Dumb Beezie @dumbbeezie.bsky.social · 2d

What a shitty thing to say, I love that

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Reposted by Matt

Memento (Spooky) Morty 🌙 @mementomorty.bsky.social · 2d

The best preworkout is being horizontal for most of the day and then eating a pickle

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Matt @coolnessinc.bsky.social · 2d

“Local woman passes out at the squat rack”