Me: [some farrago of vapid twatwafflery]

Everyone: [rolls eyes, snorts, shakes head]

Me: IS THIS AN INTELLECTUAL DONUT SHOP BECAUSE I SMELL THE THOUGHT POLICE

lol “find your own instead of stealing” in defense of columbus day

We’ve had to suffer through Carrie Underwood screeching every Sunday night since 2013. They can handle Bad Bunny for a 30 minute halftime show.

Protesting is exercising one's first amendment, keeping the government closed because one isn't getting their way is terrorism

Smaug's youngest child moved into the city but could only afford a small one room fly up.

Me: *helping friend move furniture* Wow! This weighs a fu ton!

Wolf: Well doc, give it to me straight.

Wolf doctor: I'm sorry to tell you *lights up x-ray* but there are two bros inside you and they are lifting.

Me: *excited as bird flies up to me* Aw a bird friend, hey little bird!

Bird: Sorry, I thought you were someone else.

“The cat is such a perfect symbol of beauty and superiority that it seems scarcely possible for any true aesthete and civilised cynic to do other than worship it.”

- H.P. Lovecraft

This is absolutely the last time I call an escort service and say “I’m not picky.”

anvil lavigne: thread

No Rutger Hauer signs, at least.

Gods this chronic need for wank inspo is exhausting. Watch porn.

Side note: after working with swords, grappling, and years of Aikido I can assure you that large boobs get in the way. At the size of that drawing you could barely get out of your own way.

Listen. Some games are for jerking off to. I know this, I work on these games. Some books and movies are for jerking off to. That doesn't mean literally everything needs to be whack material. I promise you can like things that don't make you immediately ragingly horny.

reply with a selfie/pet pic and i’ll surprise you with an edit.

if you’d like a header for your page reply with some things you like, colors, things you vibe with, etc.

xo. tips appreciated but not required: linktr.ee/riotgrlerin

"They put me on suicide watch and they put me in the cell, I'm naked, in like a hospital dress and just a concrete bed with like a mattress, like a thin mattress and, they leave the light on 24/7."

@timmiller.bsky.social talked to a veteran who ICE wrongly detained and brutalized

One of my favorite fun facts is why the TMNT are named after artists (it’s because the type of turtle they are is a “painted turtle”). I told my nephew about this and he immediately replied that there should be a Bob Ross turtle. So rather than explain the renaissance movement to him, I-

This morning in carpool, a SUV barrelled up ten minutes early and bypassed the entire thing by using the out lane and dropped off a kid. I never saw such a breach of procedure. As he sped past me on his way out, I looked in his eyes and saw a grandpa that def said, "I am too old for this shit"

I tried living the dream but it turned out I was just having the hallucination.

The man next to me has cologne so strong that I’m dizzy with hallucinations, plus all those mushrooms I took.

muppetized works of art: thread

My “beauty sleep” would have to be a lengthy coma.

I’ll just migrate from my chair to my bed. That’s enough platform hopping for today.