By tradition and by contract, every opera season must begin with the sacrifice of an oboist. We use papier-mâché these days but two centuries ago they were going through hundreds of the poor dears a year.
January 15, 2026 at 3:55 PM
By tradition and by contract, every opera season must begin with the sacrifice of an oboist. We use papier-mâché these days but two centuries ago they were going through hundreds of the poor dears a year.
depression so deep it's tropical
blurry from dawn to dusk got problems they're optical
blurry from dawn to dusk got problems they're optical
January 15, 2026 at 12:11 PM
depression so deep it's tropical
blurry from dawn to dusk got problems they're optical
blurry from dawn to dusk got problems they're optical
Seductively peeling off my sheer bodysuit, only to reveal a puffer jacket that expands back to full size not unlike a boxed mattress.
January 15, 2026 at 3:16 AM
Seductively peeling off my sheer bodysuit, only to reveal a puffer jacket that expands back to full size not unlike a boxed mattress.
powering my 1997 honda civic with an interconnected series of rune-etched knucklebones. local dealerships have begun erecting wards but this baby cuts right through 'em
January 14, 2026 at 11:18 PM
powering my 1997 honda civic with an interconnected series of rune-etched knucklebones. local dealerships have begun erecting wards but this baby cuts right through 'em
Reposted by Niko Roman
Before the rest of the diving team descend, I like to go down and rearrange the fish. I think the fish are very convincing when arranged this way, and quite pleasing to the eye. I'm hoping this will stir a love of nature in my colleagues, who often lambast me for having a tender heart
January 14, 2026 at 11:09 PM
Before the rest of the diving team descend, I like to go down and rearrange the fish. I think the fish are very convincing when arranged this way, and quite pleasing to the eye. I'm hoping this will stir a love of nature in my colleagues, who often lambast me for having a tender heart
slipping into heaven through the delivery entrance while angels haggle over crates of aquafina.
January 14, 2026 at 6:58 PM
slipping into heaven through the delivery entrance while angels haggle over crates of aquafina.
Reposted by Niko Roman
Cooking tip: Double the oven temperature to cook the food in half the time. If the food burns that simply means you are impure of heart
January 14, 2026 at 4:16 PM
Cooking tip: Double the oven temperature to cook the food in half the time. If the food burns that simply means you are impure of heart
Reposted by Niko Roman
We actually know exactly which part of the photographic process steals your soul. It was a chemical function, trivial to bypass. Digital cameras are totally safe
January 14, 2026 at 6:05 PM
We actually know exactly which part of the photographic process steals your soul. It was a chemical function, trivial to bypass. Digital cameras are totally safe
Reposted by Niko Roman
The Cow of Nutrition must be milked thrice daily.
The Cow of Contrition must be shunned, for doubt and regret have no place in the Farmyard of the Warrior Mind.
The Cow of Contrition must be shunned, for doubt and regret have no place in the Farmyard of the Warrior Mind.
January 14, 2026 at 1:20 PM
The Cow of Nutrition must be milked thrice daily.
The Cow of Contrition must be shunned, for doubt and regret have no place in the Farmyard of the Warrior Mind.
The Cow of Contrition must be shunned, for doubt and regret have no place in the Farmyard of the Warrior Mind.
Every Arby's has a machine in the back which siphons energy from the earth. This is pumped back to Corporate to power the National Beef Fabrication Complex.
January 14, 2026 at 12:13 PM
Every Arby's has a machine in the back which siphons energy from the earth. This is pumped back to Corporate to power the National Beef Fabrication Complex.
Reposted by Niko Roman
The properties of vinegar have fascinated and inspired humanity for thousands of years
January 13, 2026 at 9:13 AM
The properties of vinegar have fascinated and inspired humanity for thousands of years
stamp snake sigils into your neighbour's Hyundai to force-unlock Reptile Mode
January 14, 2026 at 12:59 AM
stamp snake sigils into your neighbour's Hyundai to force-unlock Reptile Mode
Reposted by Niko Roman
If I was in the mystic aisle I'd just get blue aura for soothing but this is a baking aisle so it's going to be a food coloring reset
January 13, 2026 at 5:40 AM
If I was in the mystic aisle I'd just get blue aura for soothing but this is a baking aisle so it's going to be a food coloring reset
if you lie to God and make up some bone names he just goes with it cause he can't remember them all either.
January 12, 2026 at 11:05 PM
if you lie to God and make up some bone names he just goes with it cause he can't remember them all either.
Reposted by Niko Roman
They're going to put me in the Cruncher. After that I don't even know what's going to happen
January 6, 2026 at 12:35 AM
They're going to put me in the Cruncher. After that I don't even know what's going to happen
Envy, like snakes, is cold-blooded. This is why envy, again, like snakes, prefers to nest inside humans until activated.
January 12, 2026 at 12:28 PM
Envy, like snakes, is cold-blooded. This is why envy, again, like snakes, prefers to nest inside humans until activated.
Reposted by Niko Roman
(doing belly time on carpet kicking feet in air, pensively) computer… play me rainforest noises. hmmm. increase ape sounds by 20%. yes… excellent
January 11, 2026 at 6:33 PM
(doing belly time on carpet kicking feet in air, pensively) computer… play me rainforest noises. hmmm. increase ape sounds by 20%. yes… excellent
Radio antennas catch and spool passing broadcasts onto neat little bobbins, which are spun into mittens to keep the wee elves of the community warm.
January 11, 2026 at 9:24 PM
Radio antennas catch and spool passing broadcasts onto neat little bobbins, which are spun into mittens to keep the wee elves of the community warm.
Reposted by Niko Roman
Reposted by Niko Roman
reporter: kristi! mrs noem! is it true that your face is not dishwasher safe??
[the gears in her neck whirr as her head turns to answer]
[the gears in her neck whirr as her head turns to answer]
January 11, 2026 at 8:47 PM
reporter: kristi! mrs noem! is it true that your face is not dishwasher safe??
[the gears in her neck whirr as her head turns to answer]
[the gears in her neck whirr as her head turns to answer]
Dish soap works better at night because, if you'll recall, Grease Droplets are all tucked into their cozy little beds and those things are not rated for water damage.
January 10, 2026 at 8:49 PM
Dish soap works better at night because, if you'll recall, Grease Droplets are all tucked into their cozy little beds and those things are not rated for water damage.
How do I maintain my whimsy? It's easy! I've simply hired dwarves to drain me of my black bile whilst I slumber.
January 10, 2026 at 12:49 PM
How do I maintain my whimsy? It's easy! I've simply hired dwarves to drain me of my black bile whilst I slumber.
its beginning to look a lot like chrysanthemum poisoning
January 10, 2026 at 2:10 AM
its beginning to look a lot like chrysanthemum poisoning
Reposted by Niko Roman
gnomes are god's only mistake
January 9, 2026 at 8:50 PM
gnomes are god's only mistake
Reposted by Niko Roman
they're throwing me into the industrial shredder to extract my biometrics data
December 28, 2025 at 4:01 AM
they're throwing me into the industrial shredder to extract my biometrics data