Johnson
@moarhops.bsky.social
Unretired keg farmer, Piper's Pub forever
PileZ would never
Oakland. 370 Atwood Street - La Cantina. City detectives and PA State Police are conducting a nuisance bar raid.
January 8, 2026 at 7:02 PM
PileZ would never
Reposted by Johnson
Kinda sucks how one day you’ll post stuff like “does the Grinch use the toilet?” and then the next it has to be “I reject those who worship death”
January 7, 2026 at 10:55 PM
Kinda sucks how one day you’ll post stuff like “does the Grinch use the toilet?” and then the next it has to be “I reject those who worship death”
Reposted by Johnson
lowkey the world isn’t actually that dangerous, right wingers just made it that way
January 7, 2026 at 11:54 PM
lowkey the world isn’t actually that dangerous, right wingers just made it that way
We need a slur for dudes who throw their used zyns in the urinal
January 5, 2026 at 11:23 PM
We need a slur for dudes who throw their used zyns in the urinal
With the utmost disrespect, I wish all you carpet walkers a very unpleasant re-entry to "work" tomorrow. Thanks for all the business, but fucks fucking sake y'all been feral for like a month now
January 5, 2026 at 1:55 AM
With the utmost disrespect, I wish all you carpet walkers a very unpleasant re-entry to "work" tomorrow. Thanks for all the business, but fucks fucking sake y'all been feral for like a month now
"if I had a toupé, I'd name it Kristen" #CookQuotes
January 3, 2026 at 7:43 PM
"if I had a toupé, I'd name it Kristen" #CookQuotes
Reposted by Johnson
Some of these redactions are almost like modern art
December 19, 2025 at 10:05 PM
Some of these redactions are almost like modern art
Reposted by Johnson
The inexorable arrow of time plows forward toward your obliteration.
Assigning an arbitrary cyclical period and attaching a cultural expectation that we feel some sort of optimism and hope for renewal is some real baby-brain shit.
Eat arbys for yet another rotation around a nuclear maelstrom.
Assigning an arbitrary cyclical period and attaching a cultural expectation that we feel some sort of optimism and hope for renewal is some real baby-brain shit.
Eat arbys for yet another rotation around a nuclear maelstrom.
January 1, 2026 at 6:12 AM
The inexorable arrow of time plows forward toward your obliteration.
Assigning an arbitrary cyclical period and attaching a cultural expectation that we feel some sort of optimism and hope for renewal is some real baby-brain shit.
Eat arbys for yet another rotation around a nuclear maelstrom.
Assigning an arbitrary cyclical period and attaching a cultural expectation that we feel some sort of optimism and hope for renewal is some real baby-brain shit.
Eat arbys for yet another rotation around a nuclear maelstrom.
In America you can choose whether to get lead poisoning from the tap water or microplastic cancer from the bottled water
January 1, 2026 at 1:15 AM
In America you can choose whether to get lead poisoning from the tap water or microplastic cancer from the bottled water
Reposted by Johnson
Y’all ever walk into a public restroom and immediately whisper “Jesus Christ”
December 27, 2025 at 4:56 PM
Y’all ever walk into a public restroom and immediately whisper “Jesus Christ”
Reposted by Johnson
another robot highlight for 2025: man wearing humanoid mocap suit kicks himself in the balls
December 27, 2025 at 5:27 PM
another robot highlight for 2025: man wearing humanoid mocap suit kicks himself in the balls
Reposted by Johnson
Getting paid 250,000 dollars to write an article called “the disappearing white male poster” about how I got blocked by Jack’s frozen pizzas on Twitter 4 years ago
December 27, 2025 at 5:02 PM
Getting paid 250,000 dollars to write an article called “the disappearing white male poster” about how I got blocked by Jack’s frozen pizzas on Twitter 4 years ago
Reposted by Johnson
They say imitation crab is the sincerest form of crab
December 27, 2025 at 1:56 PM
They say imitation crab is the sincerest form of crab
Reposted by Johnson
I spent 60 minutes watching the last 4 minutes of an NFL game and I'm dumber for having done that
December 22, 2025 at 12:56 AM
I spent 60 minutes watching the last 4 minutes of an NFL game and I'm dumber for having done that
Reposted by Johnson
Amazing work from whoever was up in N6914W over Ohio … www.flightaware.com/live/flight/...
December 22, 2025 at 12:03 AM
Amazing work from whoever was up in N6914W over Ohio … www.flightaware.com/live/flight/...
Pittsburgh will exile you to Ohio if you say the ketchup that hasn't been produced in Pittsburgh in 30 years is mid
identifying as From A Place just means making yourself insane in very specific ways such that you can believe deranged and out of touch with reality stuff like "our flag isn't stupid" "our hot sauce is better than other hot sauces" "our drivers are worse than other drivers" etc etc
December 20, 2025 at 4:54 PM
Pittsburgh will exile you to Ohio if you say the ketchup that hasn't been produced in Pittsburgh in 30 years is mid
"should've had a sandwich, crashed out and made it everyone else's problem instead"
"...You know that's how World War One started, right?"
#CookQuotes
"...You know that's how World War One started, right?"
#CookQuotes
December 20, 2025 at 4:18 PM
"should've had a sandwich, crashed out and made it everyone else's problem instead"
"...You know that's how World War One started, right?"
#CookQuotes
"...You know that's how World War One started, right?"
#CookQuotes
Testicle derangement syndrome
Dr Oz: "The creation of a penis costs on average in America $150,000 per child ... if you add testicles, that's extra"
December 18, 2025 at 7:01 PM
Testicle derangement syndrome
Reposted by Johnson
My price of a penis speech has a lot of people asking questions about penis pricing already answered by my speech
December 18, 2025 at 5:05 PM
My price of a penis speech has a lot of people asking questions about penis pricing already answered by my speech
"the only good catcalling is catcalling food" #CookQuotes
December 15, 2025 at 6:46 PM
"the only good catcalling is catcalling food" #CookQuotes
Thinking about retiring and just taking pictures of these two absolute idiots being absolutely insufferably cute for a living
December 15, 2025 at 6:05 AM
Thinking about retiring and just taking pictures of these two absolute idiots being absolutely insufferably cute for a living
Reposted by Johnson
