OLD CRIED PANTS
@captainfartpants.bsky.social
Careless Discharge
Reposted by OLD CRIED PANTS
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens https://theonion.com/no-way-to-prevent-this-says-only-nation-where-this-regularly-happens-3/
December 15, 2025 at 5:21 PM
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens https://theonion.com/no-way-to-prevent-this-says-only-nation-where-this-regularly-happens-3/
Reposted by OLD CRIED PANTS
Congress Allocates $500 Million For Development Of Funkier Bass Lines https://theonion.com/congress-allocates-500-million-for-development-of-funk-1819579171/
December 15, 2025 at 3:00 PM
Congress Allocates $500 Million For Development Of Funkier Bass Lines https://theonion.com/congress-allocates-500-million-for-development-of-funk-1819579171/
Reposted by OLD CRIED PANTS
They used to "laugh and call him names." Now they're all dead
December 14, 2025 at 1:55 PM
They used to "laugh and call him names." Now they're all dead
Since when is Daunte Culpepper not the starting Minnesota quarterback??
December 15, 2025 at 2:38 AM
Since when is Daunte Culpepper not the starting Minnesota quarterback??
Reposted by OLD CRIED PANTS
why does going to warp speed give me an erection
December 14, 2025 at 11:40 PM
why does going to warp speed give me an erection
Woah, Curt Menefee look like grimace today, FR
a purple cartoon character is dancing in a room with balloons
ALT: a purple cartoon character is dancing in a room with balloons
media.tenor.com
December 14, 2025 at 9:10 PM
Woah, Curt Menefee look like grimace today, FR
Sanders is doing a bang up job. No way he was overhyped.
December 14, 2025 at 8:44 PM
Sanders is doing a bang up job. No way he was overhyped.
Reposted by OLD CRIED PANTS
a friend made this and because i am not selfish i am now sharing it with you, namaste
December 12, 2025 at 11:44 PM
a friend made this and because i am not selfish i am now sharing it with you, namaste
Reposted by OLD CRIED PANTS
I won’t even walk across the office to see a coworker’s new baby. Nothing in the world could get me to ride a camel across the desert to deliver essential oils to a newborn in a barn
December 14, 2025 at 3:02 PM
I won’t even walk across the office to see a coworker’s new baby. Nothing in the world could get me to ride a camel across the desert to deliver essential oils to a newborn in a barn
Reposted by OLD CRIED PANTS
Klingon High Council,
I know that my family name is still in disgrace. It is not necessary that you send me annual reminder emails.
Worf
I know that my family name is still in disgrace. It is not necessary that you send me annual reminder emails.
Worf
November 3, 2025 at 9:49 PM
Klingon High Council,
I know that my family name is still in disgrace. It is not necessary that you send me annual reminder emails.
Worf
I know that my family name is still in disgrace. It is not necessary that you send me annual reminder emails.
Worf
Reposted by OLD CRIED PANTS
Michael C. Rockefeller got shipwrecked in 1963, washed up on an island, and was promptly eaten by cannibals.
December 13, 2025 at 4:26 PM
Michael C. Rockefeller got shipwrecked in 1963, washed up on an island, and was promptly eaten by cannibals.
Reposted by OLD CRIED PANTS
Man Humiliates Himself At Holiday Party By Telling Coworkers He Appreciates Them
Man Humiliates Himself At Holiday Party By Telling Coworkers He Appreciates Them
CINCINNATI—Saying the man’s reputation was unlikely ever to recover from the embarrassment, sources confirmed Tuesday that local accountant Josh Hunter had completely humiliated himself at his company...
theonion.com
December 13, 2025 at 7:00 PM
Man Humiliates Himself At Holiday Party By Telling Coworkers He Appreciates Them
Reposted by OLD CRIED PANTS
Reposted by OLD CRIED PANTS
ancient american mythology your little pony
December 12, 2025 at 9:22 PM
ancient american mythology your little pony
Reposted by OLD CRIED PANTS
I see no lies.
December 13, 2025 at 1:35 AM
I see no lies.
@gordonkeith.bsky.social it's Madigan, not Madison
December 12, 2025 at 3:21 PM
@gordonkeith.bsky.social it's Madigan, not Madison
Musers out until Jan. 5th 🙄🫨
December 12, 2025 at 3:10 PM
Musers out until Jan. 5th 🙄🫨
Reposted by OLD CRIED PANTS
@shannme.bsky.social happy holidays, unless you're skipping them this year and going straight to Arbor Day where the real party is...
December 11, 2025 at 2:15 PM
@shannme.bsky.social happy holidays, unless you're skipping them this year and going straight to Arbor Day where the real party is...
Retelling of stories with incorrect details just hours later.
a person playing basketball in a park with a dr. squatch logo
ALT: a person playing basketball in a park with a dr. squatch logo
media.tenor.com
December 11, 2025 at 12:46 PM
Retelling of stories with incorrect details just hours later.
Always good to end on a low when you plan a preformance.
December 11, 2025 at 1:07 AM
Always good to end on a low when you plan a preformance.
Ticket talent show is so terrible.. Jan with pledge of allegiance
December 11, 2025 at 1:00 AM
Ticket talent show is so terrible.. Jan with pledge of allegiance
Reposted by OLD CRIED PANTS
White House Begins Christmas Season With Ceremonial Lighting Of Cross
December 10, 2025 at 10:00 PM
White House Begins Christmas Season With Ceremonial Lighting Of Cross