The Lost New York Martin
@milkhold.bsky.social
Free speech Absolut-ist (if I have to listen to you, I'm going need some vodka)
PPPPPP - Prior planning prevents piss poor performance
(Borat voice) My posts! https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:loel7kmlfrekwulepwyv7lx4/feed/aaaam7xlir4ue
PPPPPP - Prior planning prevents piss poor performance
(Borat voice) My posts! https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:loel7kmlfrekwulepwyv7lx4/feed/aaaam7xlir4ue
Pinned
I am a follaback guy and by that I mean only the back of my head has hair follicles.
Thank you for texting Jesus. He's a bit hung up at the moment but he'll get back to you in three days.
The app Text With Jesus uses artificial intelligence and chatbots to offer spiritual guidance to users who are looking to connect with a higher power: on.nbc10.com/7XM8xrf
People can text with Jesus on a controversial new app. How does it work?
Artificial intelligence app Text With Jesus lets users chat with biblical figures and it is raising debate over faith and technology.
on.nbc10.com
November 15, 2025 at 3:31 AM
Thank you for texting Jesus. He's a bit hung up at the moment but he'll get back to you in three days.
Nuzzi is just Nazi with a speech impediment.
November 14, 2025 at 9:23 PM
Nuzzi is just Nazi with a speech impediment.
Got a mulcher vac for dealing with some of the leaves this fall.
Me: My god! I've just been sucking and sucking and sucking for what feels like forever. You can't possibly know what this is like!
My GF: 👀
Me: My god! I've just been sucking and sucking and sucking for what feels like forever. You can't possibly know what this is like!
My GF: 👀
November 14, 2025 at 9:09 PM
Got a mulcher vac for dealing with some of the leaves this fall.
Me: My god! I've just been sucking and sucking and sucking for what feels like forever. You can't possibly know what this is like!
My GF: 👀
Me: My god! I've just been sucking and sucking and sucking for what feels like forever. You can't possibly know what this is like!
My GF: 👀
Aren't these the lyrics to We Didn't Start the Fire?
What do we make of this email, sent from Epstein to himself a week before he was arrested with the subject line “List for Bannon Steve” with just a list of names.
November 13, 2025 at 9:31 AM
Aren't these the lyrics to We Didn't Start the Fire?
To the person driving on front of me tonight: When the car behind you turns their lights off and then on, several times, it means your lights are off YOU FECKIN EEJIT!
November 10, 2025 at 1:52 AM
To the person driving on front of me tonight: When the car behind you turns their lights off and then on, several times, it means your lights are off YOU FECKIN EEJIT!
I'm also announcing the creation of my peace prize which carries as much prestige as the FIFA Peace prize.
FIFA has announced the creation of a peace prize, which it plans to award for the first time at the World Cup draw on Dec. 5 in Washington. n.pr/4968Bvg
FIFA head says 'you will see' at World Cup draw if Trump receives new peace prize
FIFA has announced the creation of a peace prize, which it plans to award for the first time at the World Cup draw on Dec. 5 in Washington.
n.pr
November 7, 2025 at 12:56 PM
I'm also announcing the creation of my peace prize which carries as much prestige as the FIFA Peace prize.
I pronounce it "douche-hat."
November 6, 2025 at 7:48 PM
I pronounce it "douche-hat."
"Like, they both fuck couches."
Erika Kirk: “No one will ever replace my husband, but I do see some similarities of my husband in JD”
October 31, 2025 at 8:18 PM
"Like, they both fuck couches."
Reposted by The Lost New York Martin
a sex scene between a bottle of ketchup and a bottle of mustard set to Journey’s 1979 hit Lovin’, Touchin’, Squeezin’
October 31, 2025 at 4:50 AM
a sex scene between a bottle of ketchup and a bottle of mustard set to Journey’s 1979 hit Lovin’, Touchin’, Squeezin’
I guess Charlie reads my posts.
Would it kill you to like one here or there? Huh, Charlie?
Would it kill you to like one here or there? Huh, Charlie?
Prince Andrew gives up royal titles and will now be known as *checks notes* Prince Andrew.
Prince Andrew gives up royal titles amid new scrutiny over Jeffrey Epstein while Mike Johnson helps Donald Trump protect other pedophiles
#ReleaseAllTheEpsteinFiles
abcnews.go.com/WNT/video/pr...
#ReleaseAllTheEpsteinFiles
abcnews.go.com/WNT/video/pr...
October 31, 2025 at 12:39 PM
I guess Charlie reads my posts.
Would it kill you to like one here or there? Huh, Charlie?
Would it kill you to like one here or there? Huh, Charlie?
Change one letter. Ruin a candy.
100 Gland Bar
100 Gland Bar
Change one letter. Ruin a candy.
Scarburst
Scarburst
Change one letter. Ruin a candy.
Siltwater Taffy
Siltwater Taffy
October 29, 2025 at 8:36 PM
Change one letter. Ruin a candy.
100 Gland Bar
100 Gland Bar
Tulane only said the monkeys had diseases to reduce how many Mississippians had sex with the monkeys.
October 29, 2025 at 2:27 AM
Tulane only said the monkeys had diseases to reduce how many Mississippians had sex with the monkeys.
No man can find the Calabasas!
The Onion’s Top Songs: October 2025 https://theonion.com/top-songs-october-2025/
October 28, 2025 at 9:54 PM
No man can find the Calabasas!
Reposted by The Lost New York Martin
it worked for pizza, maybe we try putting basic human decency on a bagel
October 28, 2025 at 7:28 PM
it worked for pizza, maybe we try putting basic human decency on a bagel
JD: Oh, c'mon! That's a thing!
October 26, 2025 at 2:39 PM
JD: Oh, c'mon! That's a thing!
Could you BE any more chudler?
October 26, 2025 at 2:12 PM
Could you BE any more chudler?
Why eat some ass when you can just...
October 26, 2025 at 2:07 AM
Why eat some ass when you can just...
Reposted by The Lost New York Martin
Six completely accurate ways to divide Florida
October 24, 2025 at 7:52 PM
Six completely accurate ways to divide Florida
Reposted by The Lost New York Martin
Describe a character in Greek mythology the way someone trying to defend a politician would. I’ll start.
Oedipus: Like you’ve never had sex with someone and regretted it later
Oedipus: Like you’ve never had sex with someone and regretted it later
October 24, 2025 at 11:40 AM
Describe a character in Greek mythology the way someone trying to defend a politician would. I’ll start.
Oedipus: Like you’ve never had sex with someone and regretted it later
Oedipus: Like you’ve never had sex with someone and regretted it later
Reposted by The Lost New York Martin
Cronus: oh so you're never hungry? You never eat?
Describe a character in Greek mythology the way someone trying to defend a politician would. I’ll start.
Oedipus: Like you’ve never had sex with someone and regretted it later
Oedipus: Like you’ve never had sex with someone and regretted it later
October 25, 2025 at 2:28 AM
Cronus: oh so you're never hungry? You never eat?
The reason soccer sucks as a sport is because of the offsides rule. Get rid of it (or change it to be like hockey) and then you'll actually have a sport instead of 80 minutes of aerobics.
October 25, 2025 at 12:29 PM
The reason soccer sucks as a sport is because of the offsides rule. Get rid of it (or change it to be like hockey) and then you'll actually have a sport instead of 80 minutes of aerobics.
Reposted by The Lost New York Martin
Saw this and assumed some basketball influencer had a viral moment about circumcision.
October 24, 2025 at 1:29 PM
Saw this and assumed some basketball influencer had a viral moment about circumcision.
Reposted by The Lost New York Martin
I should've paid more attention to the diploma hanging on the pharmacist's wall
October 23, 2025 at 4:44 AM
I should've paid more attention to the diploma hanging on the pharmacist's wall
Reposted by The Lost New York Martin
If this gets reskeeted 483,000 times I’ll buy a miniature donkey.
October 22, 2025 at 1:56 AM
If this gets reskeeted 483,000 times I’ll buy a miniature donkey.