The Lost New York Martin
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milkhold.bsky.social
The Lost New York Martin
@milkhold.bsky.social
Free speech Absolut-ist (if I have to listen to you, I'm going need some vodka)

PPPPPP - Prior planning prevents piss poor performance

(Borat voice) My posts! https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:loel7kmlfrekwulepwyv7lx4/feed/aaaam7xlir4ue
Pinned
I am a follaback guy and by that I mean only the back of my head has hair follicles.
Thank you for texting Jesus. He's a bit hung up at the moment but he'll get back to you in three days.
November 15, 2025 at 3:31 AM
Nuzzi is just Nazi with a speech impediment.
November 14, 2025 at 9:23 PM
Got a mulcher vac for dealing with some of the leaves this fall.

Me: My god! I've just been sucking and sucking and sucking for what feels like forever. You can't possibly know what this is like!

My GF: 👀
November 14, 2025 at 9:09 PM
Aren't these the lyrics to We Didn't Start the Fire?
What do we make of this email, sent from Epstein to himself a week before he was arrested with the subject line “List for Bannon Steve” with just a list of names.
November 13, 2025 at 9:31 AM
To the person driving on front of me tonight: When the car behind you turns their lights off and then on, several times, it means your lights are off YOU FECKIN EEJIT!
November 10, 2025 at 1:52 AM
I'm also announcing the creation of my peace prize which carries as much prestige as the FIFA Peace prize.
November 7, 2025 at 12:56 PM
I pronounce it "douche-hat."
Did the New York Times ruin journalism?
November 6, 2025 at 7:48 PM
"Like, they both fuck couches."
Erika Kirk: “No one will ever replace my husband, but I do see some similarities of my husband in JD”
October 31, 2025 at 8:18 PM
Reposted by The Lost New York Martin
a sex scene between a bottle of ketchup and a bottle of mustard set to Journey’s 1979 hit Lovin’, Touchin’, Squeezin’
October 31, 2025 at 4:50 AM
I guess Charlie reads my posts.

Would it kill you to like one here or there? Huh, Charlie?
Prince Andrew gives up royal titles and will now be known as *checks notes* Prince Andrew.
Prince Andrew gives up royal titles amid new scrutiny over Jeffrey Epstein while Mike Johnson helps Donald Trump protect other pedophiles
#ReleaseAllTheEpsteinFiles
abcnews.go.com/WNT/video/pr...
October 31, 2025 at 12:39 PM
Change one letter. Ruin a candy.

100 Gland Bar
Change one letter. Ruin a candy.

Scarburst
Change one letter. Ruin a candy.

Siltwater Taffy
October 29, 2025 at 8:36 PM
Tulane only said the monkeys had diseases to reduce how many Mississippians had sex with the monkeys.
October 29, 2025 at 2:27 AM
No man can find the Calabasas!
The Onion’s Top Songs: October 2025 https://theonion.com/top-songs-october-2025/
October 28, 2025 at 9:54 PM
Reposted by The Lost New York Martin
it worked for pizza, maybe we try putting basic human decency on a bagel
October 28, 2025 at 7:28 PM
JD: Oh, c'mon! That's a thing!
October 26, 2025 at 2:39 PM
Could you BE any more chudler?
October 26, 2025 at 2:12 PM
Why eat some ass when you can just...
October 26, 2025 at 2:07 AM
Reposted by The Lost New York Martin
Six completely accurate ways to divide Florida
October 24, 2025 at 7:52 PM
Reposted by The Lost New York Martin
Describe a character in Greek mythology the way someone trying to defend a politician would. I’ll start.

Oedipus: Like you’ve never had sex with someone and regretted it later
October 24, 2025 at 11:40 AM
Reposted by The Lost New York Martin
Cronus: oh so you're never hungry? You never eat?
Describe a character in Greek mythology the way someone trying to defend a politician would. I’ll start.

Oedipus: Like you’ve never had sex with someone and regretted it later
October 25, 2025 at 2:28 AM
The reason soccer sucks as a sport is because of the offsides rule. Get rid of it (or change it to be like hockey) and then you'll actually have a sport instead of 80 minutes of aerobics.
October 25, 2025 at 12:29 PM
Reposted by The Lost New York Martin
Santa! no! 😨
October 24, 2025 at 1:46 PM
Saw this and assumed some basketball influencer had a viral moment about circumcision.
October 24, 2025 at 1:29 PM
Reposted by The Lost New York Martin
I should've paid more attention to the diploma hanging on the pharmacist's wall
October 23, 2025 at 4:44 AM
Reposted by The Lost New York Martin
If this gets reskeeted 483,000 times I’ll buy a miniature donkey.
October 22, 2025 at 1:56 AM