your friend zalp
@zalp.hammockc.at
famous internet shitposter and non-famous pro wrestler
they/them or perish
boston
pp: https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/407027
they/them or perish
boston
pp: https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/407027
Reposted by your friend zalp
dracula calls clocks venn diagrams
January 16, 2026 at 1:03 AM
dracula calls clocks venn diagrams
Reposted by your friend zalp
another robot highlight for 2025: man wearing humanoid mocap suit kicks himself in the balls
December 27, 2025 at 5:27 PM
another robot highlight for 2025: man wearing humanoid mocap suit kicks himself in the balls
Reposted by your friend zalp
here at @buttplug.io hq we run our own battlebots league
August 24, 2025 at 6:37 PM
here at @buttplug.io hq we run our own battlebots league
Reposted by your friend zalp
Reposted by your friend zalp
Reposted by your friend zalp
do you think the boys on the Group W bench ever explored each others bodies
you can fuck anything you want at alice's restaurant
June 25, 2025 at 1:01 PM
do you think the boys on the Group W bench ever explored each others bodies
Reposted by your friend zalp
successful tactical strike on Piss Kroger, the forbidden Kroger that only sells piss
June 8, 2025 at 2:17 PM
successful tactical strike on Piss Kroger, the forbidden Kroger that only sells piss
![An ad for Dr Squatch "Sydney's Bathwater Bliss", a real soap made using Sydney Sweeney's bath water. The ad says "only 5000 briccs [of soap] made" and claims "THESE WILL SELL OUT". I cannot, and will not, believe that. References to sale dates are censored because I WILL NOT be a part of this.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:tm2dez5decpfnjmvldmq6twy/bafkreic6n7z4s372lgcpz2ymaldz257566lbcbt3qjjvqqr5bjfvx5wcpm@jpeg)
Reposted by your friend zalp
the first conspiracy.
May 22, 2025 at 3:08 PM
the first conspiracy.
Reposted by your friend zalp
i put my condoms on just like everyone else, one ball at a time
April 26, 2025 at 10:44 PM
i put my condoms on just like everyone else, one ball at a time
Reposted by your friend zalp
slut test (male ) Q1: have you ever been sucked off wearing a Tuxedo
April 8, 2025 at 9:21 AM
slut test (male ) Q1: have you ever been sucked off wearing a Tuxedo
Reposted by your friend zalp
Guided meditation is just sissy hypno for dorks.
playing the guided meditation at 2x speed and jumping ahead to get to the good parts
March 7, 2025 at 2:57 AM
Guided meditation is just sissy hypno for dorks.
Reposted by your friend zalp
It sounds like this
March 7, 2025 at 12:33 AM
It sounds like this
Reposted by your friend zalp
getting railed to the soothing melody of Pennsylvania 6-5000
March 5, 2025 at 1:19 PM
getting railed to the soothing melody of Pennsylvania 6-5000
Reposted by your friend zalp
my first book, GARFIELD IS ALLOWED TO SAY IT, coming soon from University Press
November 12, 2024 at 7:59 PM
my first book, GARFIELD IS ALLOWED TO SAY IT, coming soon from University Press
Reposted by your friend zalp
Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. Great rapper Kendrick Lamar is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says: “But Doctor… I am Drake.”
March 3, 2025 at 10:29 PM
Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. Great rapper Kendrick Lamar is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says: “But Doctor… I am Drake.”
Reposted by your friend zalp
Reposted by your friend zalp
Reposted by your friend zalp
Please encourage your moots and favourite artists to enable the mandatory alt text requirement setting where possible!
A lot of people, myself included, won't share others' posts when it isn't present.
For those that struggle there are the hashtags #alt4me and #alt4you that can help 😊💚
A lot of people, myself included, won't share others' posts when it isn't present.
For those that struggle there are the hashtags #alt4me and #alt4you that can help 😊💚
November 21, 2024 at 11:24 PM
Reposted by your friend zalp
Reposted by your friend zalp
Please don’t bring your oxygen tanks into the smoking section. We’re having a difficult time with OSHA since the last explosion.
January 1, 2025 at 2:43 AM
Please don’t bring your oxygen tanks into the smoking section. We’re having a difficult time with OSHA since the last explosion.
Reposted by your friend zalp
in for 2025:
* ooh
* wah
* aah
* aah
* aah
* ooh
* wah
* aah
* aah
* aah
December 31, 2024 at 1:56 PM
in for 2025:
* ooh
* wah
* aah
* aah
* aah
* ooh
* wah
* aah
* aah
* aah