Noah Smith
@smithnoah.bsky.social
Noah Smith is a writer or something.
“Dear Mr. Kotter,
Please excuse Jeffrey from class as he is very busy exploiting and facilitating the abuse of underage girls.
Signed,
Epstein’s Monster”
Please excuse Jeffrey from class as he is very busy exploiting and facilitating the abuse of underage girls.
Signed,
Epstein’s Monster”
Technically it’s Epstein’s monster.
November 16, 2025 at 12:01 AM
“Dear Mr. Kotter,
Please excuse Jeffrey from class as he is very busy exploiting and facilitating the abuse of underage girls.
Signed,
Epstein’s Monster”
Please excuse Jeffrey from class as he is very busy exploiting and facilitating the abuse of underage girls.
Signed,
Epstein’s Monster”
Reposted by Noah Smith
I'd eat less mcdonalds if other restaurants also had a ketchup tap for folks lookin to get wild with their soda
November 14, 2025 at 10:50 PM
I'd eat less mcdonalds if other restaurants also had a ketchup tap for folks lookin to get wild with their soda
While placing a call for work I heard a recording saying the office would be closed on November 27 “in lieu of Thanksgiving.”
November 14, 2025 at 6:56 PM
While placing a call for work I heard a recording saying the office would be closed on November 27 “in lieu of Thanksgiving.”
“That had some good moments, but it’s probably not how they should have done it.” — my reaction to every adaptation of The Addams Family, and, no, I don’t have a good idea of how to do it “right.”
November 14, 2025 at 6:43 PM
“That had some good moments, but it’s probably not how they should have done it.” — my reaction to every adaptation of The Addams Family, and, no, I don’t have a good idea of how to do it “right.”
It would be kind of hilarious if Bill Clinton didn’t have to resign after getting an illicit blowjob, but Donald Trump was forced to resign for giving Bill Clinton an illicit blowjob.
ALLEGEDLY!
ALLEGEDLY!
November 14, 2025 at 5:24 PM
It would be kind of hilarious if Bill Clinton didn’t have to resign after getting an illicit blowjob, but Donald Trump was forced to resign for giving Bill Clinton an illicit blowjob.
ALLEGEDLY!
ALLEGEDLY!
Didn’t we all come to Bluesky so we could see posts from people like Patton Oswalt? Come on. Forest for the trees, people.
November 14, 2025 at 2:50 PM
Didn’t we all come to Bluesky so we could see posts from people like Patton Oswalt? Come on. Forest for the trees, people.
Nothing’s funny about the way Epstein’s friends victimized women and children. But it is very funny that, when he was in panic mode that his crimes might be revealed, Andrew, Duke of York, third child of the Queen of England, was shout-typing “What’s all this?” like a Bobby in a Benny Hill sketch.
November 13, 2025 at 4:50 PM
Nothing’s funny about the way Epstein’s friends victimized women and children. But it is very funny that, when he was in panic mode that his crimes might be revealed, Andrew, Duke of York, third child of the Queen of England, was shout-typing “What’s all this?” like a Bobby in a Benny Hill sketch.
ME: (thinking) Is my 12-year-old grown-up enough to hear Adam Sandler’s Thanksgiving Song? It has that one line about masturbating with baby oil? Hmm … I guess I’ll risk it.
(Plays song)
12-YEAR-OLD: Diddy say “baby oil”? Get it? “DIDDY”?
Thanks, 2025 for making my middle schooler so worldly.
(Plays song)
12-YEAR-OLD: Diddy say “baby oil”? Get it? “DIDDY”?
Thanks, 2025 for making my middle schooler so worldly.
November 13, 2025 at 12:21 PM
ME: (thinking) Is my 12-year-old grown-up enough to hear Adam Sandler’s Thanksgiving Song? It has that one line about masturbating with baby oil? Hmm … I guess I’ll risk it.
(Plays song)
12-YEAR-OLD: Diddy say “baby oil”? Get it? “DIDDY”?
Thanks, 2025 for making my middle schooler so worldly.
(Plays song)
12-YEAR-OLD: Diddy say “baby oil”? Get it? “DIDDY”?
Thanks, 2025 for making my middle schooler so worldly.
Epstein’s lyrics for his updated “We Didn’t Start the Fire” suuuuuuck!
ME FOR THE LAST EIGHT YEARS: look, i know it's a useful shorthand, but i don't think there's any such thing as a literal "epstein list" in the sense of a list of names
JEFFREY EPSTEIN, IN AN EMAIL TO HIMSELF:
JEFFREY EPSTEIN, IN AN EMAIL TO HIMSELF:
November 13, 2025 at 11:20 AM
Epstein’s lyrics for his updated “We Didn’t Start the Fire” suuuuuuck!
I’m 49 and I just this minute put it together that Disney has two characters named Chip.
November 13, 2025 at 2:49 AM
I’m 49 and I just this minute put it together that Disney has two characters named Chip.
Apparently the Pope and I have similar taste in movies.
As I recall, John-Paul II saw like half a dozen movies in his entire life. A lot can change in 20 years.
www.reddit.com/r/entertainm...
As I recall, John-Paul II saw like half a dozen movies in his entire life. A lot can change in 20 years.
www.reddit.com/r/entertainm...
From the entertainment community on Reddit: Pope Leo shares his all-time favorite movies
Explore this post and more from the entertainment community
www.reddit.com
November 12, 2025 at 10:08 PM
Apparently the Pope and I have similar taste in movies.
As I recall, John-Paul II saw like half a dozen movies in his entire life. A lot can change in 20 years.
www.reddit.com/r/entertainm...
As I recall, John-Paul II saw like half a dozen movies in his entire life. A lot can change in 20 years.
www.reddit.com/r/entertainm...
Another day of calling people in Florida. It’s like the whole state is run by clones of Patrick from SpongeBob.
I often have to speak to businesses in Florida for my day job. And really, the whole state is about 75% of the way to Idiocracy. Just a crumbling dystopia of ignorance and incompetence that everyone just accepts as the natural state of things.
FL is moving forward w/ plan to end all childhood vaccine mandates. Starting with hepatitis B, chickenpox, and the bacteria causing meningitis and pneumonia. Then next year GOP FL legislature is expected to revisit 1977 law re: whooping cough, measles, polio, rubella, mumps, diphtheria, and tetanus.
November 12, 2025 at 5:25 PM
Another day of calling people in Florida. It’s like the whole state is run by clones of Patrick from SpongeBob.
This thread, and similar stories I have heard, make me genuinely terrified to ever consider visiting the land of my ancestors.
I am calling upon the people of Ireland to immediately begin construction of a thread on this site about how you or someone you know was roasted for a fashion choice. We need it.
All roasts must have come from Irish people *only*. Please respect this important rule, it makes a difference.
Tanks
All roasts must have come from Irish people *only*. Please respect this important rule, it makes a difference.
Tanks
November 12, 2025 at 2:39 PM
This thread, and similar stories I have heard, make me genuinely terrified to ever consider visiting the land of my ancestors.
The man with a mustache is supposed to be 28 years old. The four sitting gentlemen are supposed to be between 15 and 18 maybe.
So bring it on, Stranger Things, with your 23-year-old high school freshmen. My generation has indeed seen Stranger Things.
So bring it on, Stranger Things, with your 23-year-old high school freshmen. My generation has indeed seen Stranger Things.
November 12, 2025 at 1:47 PM
The man with a mustache is supposed to be 28 years old. The four sitting gentlemen are supposed to be between 15 and 18 maybe.
So bring it on, Stranger Things, with your 23-year-old high school freshmen. My generation has indeed seen Stranger Things.
So bring it on, Stranger Things, with your 23-year-old high school freshmen. My generation has indeed seen Stranger Things.
Watching Blade (1998) for this first time. You have to love that the first recognizable actor onscreen in the earliest movie confirmed to be part of the MCU Multiverse is former underage adult film actress Traci Lords.
November 12, 2025 at 1:03 PM
Watching Blade (1998) for this first time. You have to love that the first recognizable actor onscreen in the earliest movie confirmed to be part of the MCU Multiverse is former underage adult film actress Traci Lords.
Counterpoint: It’s not a problem at all. This is a reboot not a sequel. Just like Casino Royale did it 20 years ago.
radaronline.com/p/james-bond...
radaronline.com/p/james-bond...
EXCLUSIVE: James Bond Writers Reveal Twist That Has Left New Creators With 'Huge Headache' When It Comes to Resurrecting the Super-Spy for Amazon
Bond writers are now racking their brain, trying to move forward with the franchise after the last film's wild twist.
radaronline.com
November 11, 2025 at 5:16 PM
Counterpoint: It’s not a problem at all. This is a reboot not a sequel. Just like Casino Royale did it 20 years ago.
radaronline.com/p/james-bond...
radaronline.com/p/james-bond...
Reposted by Noah Smith
This how I find out I have a son??
Loving today's news that the mysterious "fedora man" outside the Louvre heist was actually a 15-year-old museum visitor who dresses like a 1940s French detective all the time, just because. apnews.com/article/louv...
Fedora man unmasked: Meet the teen behind the Louvre mystery photo
Fifteen-year-old Pedro Elias Garzon Delvaux has become an internet sensation after an Associated Press photo captured him outside the Louvre on the day of a crown jewels heist.
apnews.com
November 9, 2025 at 5:13 PM
This how I find out I have a son??
Mamdani is going to implement Jadzia law. Everyone will be forced to host a symbiont.
Mamdani is going to implement Shakira law. Hips will no longer be able to lie.
Mamdani is going to implement Shania law. That don't impress me much.
November 9, 2025 at 12:51 PM
Mamdani is going to implement Jadzia law. Everyone will be forced to host a symbiont.
I agree with Michael Schur about so many things — baseball, comedy, politics …
How can our feelings about desserts be so wildly divergent?
How can our feelings about desserts be so wildly divergent?
There isn't a single goddamn chocolate brownie alive that wouldn't be made better with nuts
November 9, 2025 at 5:50 AM
I agree with Michael Schur about so many things — baseball, comedy, politics …
How can our feelings about desserts be so wildly divergent?
How can our feelings about desserts be so wildly divergent?
Mamdani is going to implement Sha Na Na law.
Before you know it, we will all be at the hop!
Before you know it, we will all be at the hop!
Mamdani is going to implement Sangria law.
Brunch will be mandatory!
Brunch will be mandatory!
Mamdani is going to implement Shania law. That don't impress me much.
November 9, 2025 at 4:43 AM
Mamdani is going to implement Sha Na Na law.
Before you know it, we will all be at the hop!
Before you know it, we will all be at the hop!
How often do you think people who are looking for a plumber in Smyrna, Georgia accidentally wind up going to “Plump Bros” dot com?
November 7, 2025 at 3:58 PM
How often do you think people who are looking for a plumber in Smyrna, Georgia accidentally wind up going to “Plump Bros” dot com?
The summer I turned 19, I played one of the thieves in a children’s theatre production of Ali Baba. In one scene where we were hiding treasure we had stolen the director wanted us to enter to the song “Shake Your Booty” and we should be literally shaking the chests full of treasure we were holding.
November 7, 2025 at 3:00 PM
The summer I turned 19, I played one of the thieves in a children’s theatre production of Ali Baba. In one scene where we were hiding treasure we had stolen the director wanted us to enter to the song “Shake Your Booty” and we should be literally shaking the chests full of treasure we were holding.
I’ve heard the show is quite good, but I cannot imagine a less appealing tagline.
November 7, 2025 at 2:35 PM
I’ve heard the show is quite good, but I cannot imagine a less appealing tagline.
All along, I was misreading Abigail Spanberger’s name as “Spangenberg” and I was hoping she might be related to this very likable Jeopardy champion I remember from the early 90s. I am … mildly disappointed.
November 7, 2025 at 12:50 PM
All along, I was misreading Abigail Spanberger’s name as “Spangenberg” and I was hoping she might be related to this very likable Jeopardy champion I remember from the early 90s. I am … mildly disappointed.