mumbletoes
@mumbletoes.bsky.social
Part-time superhero, full-time kazoo wrangler
Pinned
mumbletoes
@mumbletoes.bsky.social
· Jul 15
HOW TO FIGHT A DRAGON
• quietly approach her lair
• do NOT carry a sword
• leave a box of chocolate biscuits by the cave entrance
• she's your best friend now
• quietly approach her lair
• do NOT carry a sword
• leave a box of chocolate biscuits by the cave entrance
• she's your best friend now
Reposted by mumbletoes
Even a broken clock is wrong several times a day.
May 16, 2024 at 10:48 AM
Even a broken clock is wrong several times a day.
Red pandas: *eating bamboo, hoping for some privacy*
My camera roll:
My camera roll:
May 17, 2024 at 7:01 PM
Red pandas: *eating bamboo, hoping for some privacy*
My camera roll:
My camera roll:
Chim chiminey, chim chiminey, chim chim cher-ee
The zebra say woof and the lion says eee
Chim chiminey, chim chiminey, chim chim cher-oo
The dolphins make baa sounds, the peacocks say moo
Oh please won't you help
my bewildering zoo
The zebra say woof and the lion says eee
Chim chiminey, chim chiminey, chim chim cher-oo
The dolphins make baa sounds, the peacocks say moo
Oh please won't you help
my bewildering zoo
April 27, 2024 at 2:24 PM
Chim chiminey, chim chiminey, chim chim cher-ee
The zebra say woof and the lion says eee
Chim chiminey, chim chiminey, chim chim cher-oo
The dolphins make baa sounds, the peacocks say moo
Oh please won't you help
my bewildering zoo
The zebra say woof and the lion says eee
Chim chiminey, chim chiminey, chim chim cher-oo
The dolphins make baa sounds, the peacocks say moo
Oh please won't you help
my bewildering zoo
"What do we want?"
A day of productivity!
"When do we want it?"
As soon as poss... hey, those CDs need alphabetizing
A day of productivity!
"When do we want it?"
As soon as poss... hey, those CDs need alphabetizing
September 17, 2023 at 10:42 AM
"What do we want?"
A day of productivity!
"When do we want it?"
As soon as poss... hey, those CDs need alphabetizing
A day of productivity!
"When do we want it?"
As soon as poss... hey, those CDs need alphabetizing
Reposted by mumbletoes
me *driving past the apocalypse*: Horses
September 16, 2023 at 11:05 PM
me *driving past the apocalypse*: Horses
Reposted by mumbletoes
Teacher: this is an E
Kid: what if it’s an F behind an L
Teacher: no it's just an E
Kid: how can u be sure
[3 am]
Teacher: *wide awake* how can u be sure
Kid: what if it’s an F behind an L
Teacher: no it's just an E
Kid: how can u be sure
[3 am]
Teacher: *wide awake* how can u be sure
September 14, 2023 at 2:40 PM
Teacher: this is an E
Kid: what if it’s an F behind an L
Teacher: no it's just an E
Kid: how can u be sure
[3 am]
Teacher: *wide awake* how can u be sure
Kid: what if it’s an F behind an L
Teacher: no it's just an E
Kid: how can u be sure
[3 am]
Teacher: *wide awake* how can u be sure
Reposted by mumbletoes
Seagulls are like street signs, you don’t realize how big they are until you’re trying to steal one.
September 7, 2023 at 4:17 PM
Seagulls are like street signs, you don’t realize how big they are until you’re trying to steal one.
Reposted by mumbletoes
alien graffiti can be pretty hurtful
September 15, 2023 at 9:43 PM
alien graffiti can be pretty hurtful
Reposted by mumbletoes
MC Escher: the ceiling is also lava
September 10, 2023 at 6:49 PM
MC Escher: the ceiling is also lava
Reposted by mumbletoes
It's rude to upstage the bride on her wedding day but that's exactly what's going to happen when I burst into flames as I enter the church.
August 26, 2023 at 3:38 PM
It's rude to upstage the bride on her wedding day but that's exactly what's going to happen when I burst into flames as I enter the church.
The ultimate power move is signing emails "kind regards" because it implies there are kinder regards but they didn't deserve them
July 17, 2023 at 10:45 AM
The ultimate power move is signing emails "kind regards" because it implies there are kinder regards but they didn't deserve them
Reposted by mumbletoes
The new villain origin story is “I owned a social media site”.
July 6, 2023 at 11:16 AM
The new villain origin story is “I owned a social media site”.
Reposted by mumbletoes
Interviewer: So you design & build things? Like what?
Me, proudly pulling out my 3” thick rubber band ball: Voila!
Me, proudly pulling out my 3” thick rubber band ball: Voila!
July 12, 2023 at 1:38 AM
Interviewer: So you design & build things? Like what?
Me, proudly pulling out my 3” thick rubber band ball: Voila!
Me, proudly pulling out my 3” thick rubber band ball: Voila!
Reposted by mumbletoes
Reading Charles Dickens kinda ruined other writers for me. Now when I read a story with a normal-sized Tim I can't help but feel like the author is doing too much.
July 14, 2023 at 11:39 PM
Reading Charles Dickens kinda ruined other writers for me. Now when I read a story with a normal-sized Tim I can't help but feel like the author is doing too much.
Reposted by mumbletoes
coward (adv.): in the direction of the cows
July 15, 2023 at 8:13 PM
coward (adv.): in the direction of the cows
Reposted by mumbletoes
Fact: If you grate a giant block of cheese on the wire mesh between you and the priest in the confessional, you’re almost immediately forgiven.
July 17, 2023 at 5:28 AM
Fact: If you grate a giant block of cheese on the wire mesh between you and the priest in the confessional, you’re almost immediately forgiven.
Reposted by mumbletoes
[Sitting in traffic]
This would be a lot easier with a car.
This would be a lot easier with a car.
July 16, 2023 at 11:17 PM
[Sitting in traffic]
This would be a lot easier with a car.
This would be a lot easier with a car.
Reposted by mumbletoes
If I join just one more social networking site, I get a free psych eval.
July 10, 2023 at 7:39 AM
If I join just one more social networking site, I get a free psych eval.
I threw out my boomerang-shaped raccoon. That'll come back to bite me.
July 15, 2023 at 10:58 PM
I threw out my boomerang-shaped raccoon. That'll come back to bite me.
My super power is saying "well done, you own that now" to my dog every time he pees on something.
July 15, 2023 at 10:57 PM
My super power is saying "well done, you own that now" to my dog every time he pees on something.
HOW TO FIGHT A DRAGON
• quietly approach her lair
• do NOT carry a sword
• leave a box of chocolate biscuits by the cave entrance
• she's your best friend now
• quietly approach her lair
• do NOT carry a sword
• leave a box of chocolate biscuits by the cave entrance
• she's your best friend now
July 15, 2023 at 10:56 PM
HOW TO FIGHT A DRAGON
• quietly approach her lair
• do NOT carry a sword
• leave a box of chocolate biscuits by the cave entrance
• she's your best friend now
• quietly approach her lair
• do NOT carry a sword
• leave a box of chocolate biscuits by the cave entrance
• she's your best friend now
Missed connection: You were wearing a green hat, with a collar and tie. And nothing else. I was chatting with Ranger Smith. Call me. I want my picnic basket back.
July 15, 2023 at 10:56 PM
Missed connection: You were wearing a green hat, with a collar and tie. And nothing else. I was chatting with Ranger Smith. Call me. I want my picnic basket back.