🎉 (Not That) Bryan Garner
@bryangarner.bsky.social
My improv diary (talkin' to myself and making notes). Content strategy and franchise management, but no work stuff mentioned. Gardening. Pets. Gratitude. Improv. I still think MAGAts are f*tards, but won't mention it (much).
Pinned
Happy to say my acct has been verified with the symbol : 🎉
It verifies you as a shitposter, and/or just validates you in general...the way your parents never did.
It verifies you as a shitposter, and/or just validates you in general...the way your parents never did.
Done
Reposted by 🎉 (Not That) Bryan Garner
Reposted by 🎉 (Not That) Bryan Garner
January 16, 2026 at 4:19 PM
Objectively hilarious
DHS spokesperson Tricia McLaughlin on "acts of violence" against ICE agents in Minnesota: "Pouring water on the ground so that it would freeze the ground in front of our federal law enforcement vehicles so that they would potentially slide, crash, and potentially kill them"
January 16, 2026 at 3:54 AM
Objectively hilarious
If the idea of "ICE Watchers" makes you uncomfortable, or brings to mind radical interventionists (who deserve to be shot in the face or dragged from cars), consider that we've had poll watchers for years and years.
Both liberal and conservatives routinely observe polling. It isn't controversial.
Both liberal and conservatives routinely observe polling. It isn't controversial.
January 14, 2026 at 5:52 PM
If the idea of "ICE Watchers" makes you uncomfortable, or brings to mind radical interventionists (who deserve to be shot in the face or dragged from cars), consider that we've had poll watchers for years and years.
Both liberal and conservatives routinely observe polling. It isn't controversial.
Both liberal and conservatives routinely observe polling. It isn't controversial.
Reposted by 🎉 (Not That) Bryan Garner
To any ICE agents reading this who are from down south—you have never experienced anything like this cold. Our European climate equivalent is literally Stalingrad. It will hurt to breathe. You will be outside in it. So will we, but we are used to it.
Next week is what will break you.
Next week is what will break you.
We've lead charmed weather lives so far in January.
Temperatures are +5F to +10F across MN so far this month. 🌡️
We're about to be reminded what persistent cold and occasional snow feels like. ❄️
MSP could bottom out -10 to -20 next Tue.
#mnwx
www.mprnews.org/story/2026/0...
Temperatures are +5F to +10F across MN so far this month. 🌡️
We're about to be reminded what persistent cold and occasional snow feels like. ❄️
MSP could bottom out -10 to -20 next Tue.
#mnwx
www.mprnews.org/story/2026/0...
Arctic cold and snow return to Minnesota
A pattern change brings much colder temperatures with occasional snow Thursday into the upcoming weekend.
www.mprnews.org
January 13, 2026 at 10:19 PM
To any ICE agents reading this who are from down south—you have never experienced anything like this cold. Our European climate equivalent is literally Stalingrad. It will hurt to breathe. You will be outside in it. So will we, but we are used to it.
Next week is what will break you.
Next week is what will break you.
Reposted by 🎉 (Not That) Bryan Garner
Liberals say that Trump's personal Gestapo is destroying our democracy. They're wrong—Trump's personal Gestapo is destroying our republic.
January 13, 2026 at 5:58 PM
Liberals say that Trump's personal Gestapo is destroying our democracy. They're wrong—Trump's personal Gestapo is destroying our republic.
Reposted by 🎉 (Not That) Bryan Garner
If there ever was any doubt...
January 12, 2026 at 2:36 PM
If there ever was any doubt...
That confirms it. God is a Miami fan, and he hates the ol' miss QB.
January 9, 2026 at 4:32 AM
That confirms it. God is a Miami fan, and he hates the ol' miss QB.
Reposted by 🎉 (Not That) Bryan Garner
Timeline cleanse: the kindest town in North America is at it again.
Gander, N.L., residents drop everything to drive stranded air passengers to hotels
Residents of Gander, N.L., formed an impromptu volunteer shuttle service for about 200 passengers aboard two planes forced to land unexpectedly at the town’s airport on Wednesday night.
www.ctvnews.ca
January 9, 2026 at 2:48 AM
Timeline cleanse: the kindest town in North America is at it again.
Reposted by 🎉 (Not That) Bryan Garner
This is me but it's usually...wtf plant is that 😆
🌱
🌱
January 8, 2026 at 10:55 PM
This is me but it's usually...wtf plant is that 😆
🌱
🌱
Reposted by 🎉 (Not That) Bryan Garner
🧵In my expert opinion as a researcher of vehicle ramming attacks, what has been publicly described in the video evidence does not support the claim that Renee Nicole Good was attempting a deliberate ramming attack when she was shot in Minneapolis on January 7, 2026. 1/7
January 8, 2026 at 9:13 PM
🧵In my expert opinion as a researcher of vehicle ramming attacks, what has been publicly described in the video evidence does not support the claim that Renee Nicole Good was attempting a deliberate ramming attack when she was shot in Minneapolis on January 7, 2026. 1/7
Reposted by 🎉 (Not That) Bryan Garner
Black people five years ago: you know, they can kill anyone they want to out there
Everybody today: hot damn, did you know they can kill anyone they want to out there?
Everybody today: hot damn, did you know they can kill anyone they want to out there?
January 8, 2026 at 12:46 AM
Black people five years ago: you know, they can kill anyone they want to out there
Everybody today: hot damn, did you know they can kill anyone they want to out there?
Everybody today: hot damn, did you know they can kill anyone they want to out there?
This is a man who was bullied all through school
right. and like it's not like they're hiding it now. all of the major pundits (knowles + walsh) basically think the takeaway from Iraq War was not that PNAC was right to want to build democracy, but a world that is explicitly built around turning America into an empire
January 6, 2026 at 2:09 PM
This is a man who was bullied all through school
Dislocated a rib doing hot yoga
What's the most ridiculous way you ever hurt yourself? I got out of the tub, skidded in water and tripped over the toilet. Ankle sprain.
😅
😅
January 6, 2026 at 1:12 AM
Dislocated a rib doing hot yoga
Condescend
Patronize
Patronize
Here are some more contronyms ⬇️
- sanction
- dust
- drop
- ravel
- fast
- bolt
Get it together, English.
- sanction
- dust
- drop
- ravel
- fast
- bolt
Get it together, English.
January 5, 2026 at 5:15 PM
Condescend
Patronize
Patronize
There is no context here, so consider it a general reminder of a standing protocol.
Circle back to my ass
January 5, 2026 at 4:25 PM
There is no context here, so consider it a general reminder of a standing protocol.
Reposted by 🎉 (Not That) Bryan Garner
amazing how the entire machine can pivot within 24 hours. no need to slowly upsell the argument; just issue new marching orders
January 5, 2026 at 6:50 AM
amazing how the entire machine can pivot within 24 hours. no need to slowly upsell the argument; just issue new marching orders
Machetè
machete would be a beautiful name for a girl
January 5, 2026 at 11:06 AM
Machetè
Reposted by 🎉 (Not That) Bryan Garner
Anyone advocating regime change in Venezuela is implicitly advocating for a long, bloody, expensive commitment—whether they acknowledge it or not. ICYMI @markhertling.bsky.social:
What ‘Regime Change’ in Venezuela Would Really Mean
It’s not clear the administration has settled on a goal, much less considered the consequences.
lnk.thebulwark.com
January 3, 2026 at 11:00 PM
Anyone advocating regime change in Venezuela is implicitly advocating for a long, bloody, expensive commitment—whether they acknowledge it or not. ICYMI @markhertling.bsky.social:
Reposted by 🎉 (Not That) Bryan Garner
jeffries needs to be the fuck out of office
January 3, 2026 at 5:59 PM
jeffries needs to be the fuck out of office
She wasn't the candidate.
January 3, 2026 at 6:45 PM
She wasn't the candidate.
More, from the Patriot Spank Bank
January 3, 2026 at 2:15 PM
More, from the Patriot Spank Bank
It's like waving back at the Teletubbies
Also, when reporters start talking about the chatbots this way, it is imperative to remind them they are basically asking a toaster for comment. They should be a lot more embarrassed about this than they currently are.
“Grok told CNN…” no it didn’t. You typed stuff into an unreliable calculator.
“Grok told CNN…” no it didn’t. You typed stuff into an unreliable calculator.
January 3, 2026 at 3:11 AM
It's like waving back at the Teletubbies
Do you think Jesus love Mendoza the most, or did he already throw the IU QB a bone with the Heisman? Will he smite one (or more!) of them? Tune in to find out...
Jesus Christ, the lord and savior of all 4 QBs, is gonna have to make a decision...
January 2, 2026 at 10:14 PM
Do you think Jesus love Mendoza the most, or did he already throw the IU QB a bone with the Heisman? Will he smite one (or more!) of them? Tune in to find out...
@riotgrlerin.bsky.social is up to no good again. I love it.
January 2, 2026 at 10:13 PM
@riotgrlerin.bsky.social is up to no good again. I love it.