BaltimoreOctopus
@baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social
Here for jokes. Some guy, dad, cat dad, multitudes, etc.
Pinned
Starting on Bluesky with zero followers, so I'm almost caught up to the number of followers I had on Twitter.
Gabriel knows he is very handsome.
January 22, 2026 at 12:42 AM
Gabriel knows he is very handsome.
Reposted by BaltimoreOctopus
neolithic guys get pissed if you tell them their cultures are organized by the type of pots and jewelry they made. "we called ourselves the blood hunters" "we conquered villages far beyond this horizon" sorry bud you're the western linear pottery culture now
January 17, 2026 at 2:52 PM
neolithic guys get pissed if you tell them their cultures are organized by the type of pots and jewelry they made. "we called ourselves the blood hunters" "we conquered villages far beyond this horizon" sorry bud you're the western linear pottery culture now
People of Bluesky, just know that I want to be with you be with you night and day.
January 1, 2026 at 12:00 AM
People of Bluesky, just know that I want to be with you be with you night and day.
Me: For awhile there it was rough.
Them: But lately you've been getting better?
Me: Oh God no, not at all.
Them: But lately you've been getting better?
Me: Oh God no, not at all.
December 30, 2025 at 12:54 PM
Me: For awhile there it was rough.
Them: But lately you've been getting better?
Me: Oh God no, not at all.
Them: But lately you've been getting better?
Me: Oh God no, not at all.
Reposted by BaltimoreOctopus
Don’t forget to leave a brick out for Ben Folds this morning
December 26, 2025 at 2:26 PM
Don’t forget to leave a brick out for Ben Folds this morning
"Merry Christmas" is short for Meriadoc Christophermas.
December 25, 2025 at 7:26 PM
"Merry Christmas" is short for Meriadoc Christophermas.
Reminder to take your jingle-horse out of the freezer to thaw.
December 25, 2025 at 5:52 PM
Reminder to take your jingle-horse out of the freezer to thaw.
Merry everyone!
a cartoon of a parade with the words ho ho ho merry everyone on it
ALT: a cartoon of a parade with the words ho ho ho merry everyone on it
media.tenor.com
December 25, 2025 at 12:08 PM
Merry everyone!
🎵Hark hark hark
Hark hark hark
Hark hark hark, hark-hark🎵
-the herald angels
Hark hark hark
Hark hark hark, hark-hark🎵
-the herald angels
December 25, 2025 at 1:12 AM
🎵Hark hark hark
Hark hark hark
Hark hark hark, hark-hark🎵
-the herald angels
Hark hark hark
Hark hark hark, hark-hark🎵
-the herald angels
Tidings of comfort AND joy? In this economy?
December 24, 2025 at 12:21 AM
Tidings of comfort AND joy? In this economy?
Parents when their kids come into their bed.
December 23, 2025 at 3:41 AM
Parents when their kids come into their bed.
Reposted by BaltimoreOctopus
🦇 #BatsInArt #PreciousBats #CentralAndes #NorthCoast #EarlyIntermediatePeriod #MocheCivilization
Artist of the Moche Culture
MASTIFF BAT VESSEL, 200 BCE - 800 CE
Ceramic, slip
Artist of the Moche Culture
MASTIFF BAT VESSEL, 200 BCE - 800 CE
Ceramic, slip
December 22, 2025 at 5:19 AM
🦇 #BatsInArt #PreciousBats #CentralAndes #NorthCoast #EarlyIntermediatePeriod #MocheCivilization
Artist of the Moche Culture
MASTIFF BAT VESSEL, 200 BCE - 800 CE
Ceramic, slip
Artist of the Moche Culture
MASTIFF BAT VESSEL, 200 BCE - 800 CE
Ceramic, slip
Them: Any plans for the holidays?
Me: Just telling tales of glories long past. Scary ghost stories. You know, normal Christmas stuff.
Me: Just telling tales of glories long past. Scary ghost stories. You know, normal Christmas stuff.
December 21, 2025 at 4:59 PM
Them: Any plans for the holidays?
Me: Just telling tales of glories long past. Scary ghost stories. You know, normal Christmas stuff.
Me: Just telling tales of glories long past. Scary ghost stories. You know, normal Christmas stuff.
At the nature center and a bunch of the taxidermied animals have Santa hats.
And then BAM! Hannukah beaver.
And then BAM! Hannukah beaver.
December 20, 2025 at 11:56 PM
At the nature center and a bunch of the taxidermied animals have Santa hats.
And then BAM! Hannukah beaver.
And then BAM! Hannukah beaver.
Gritty reboot of Home Alone where Kevin just murders his family for being awful.
December 18, 2025 at 12:54 AM
Gritty reboot of Home Alone where Kevin just murders his family for being awful.
Reposted by BaltimoreOctopus
I don't want to Find Friends on Bluesky, I came here to be validated or yelled at by complete strangers okay
December 17, 2025 at 12:14 PM
I don't want to Find Friends on Bluesky, I came here to be validated or yelled at by complete strangers okay
Reposted by BaltimoreOctopus
BREAKING: John Cena has retired from professional wrestling after learning, to his disgust, that the sport was rigged
December 14, 2025 at 3:31 AM
BREAKING: John Cena has retired from professional wrestling after learning, to his disgust, that the sport was rigged
I'm getting to the point where I just don't care anymore.
Maybe I should go ahead and wave my hands in the air.
Maybe I should go ahead and wave my hands in the air.
December 12, 2025 at 12:14 PM
I'm getting to the point where I just don't care anymore.
Maybe I should go ahead and wave my hands in the air.
Maybe I should go ahead and wave my hands in the air.
Keepin' that Halloween spirit all year long.
December 11, 2025 at 1:59 AM
Keepin' that Halloween spirit all year long.
Reposted by BaltimoreOctopus
Therapist: I think we’re having a break-through.
Kool-Aid Man: Oh yeah
Kool-Aid Man: Oh yeah
December 8, 2025 at 9:43 AM
Therapist: I think we’re having a break-through.
Kool-Aid Man: Oh yeah
Kool-Aid Man: Oh yeah
Reposted by BaltimoreOctopus
no one better bring me to life with a magic hat that’s all i’m saying
December 8, 2025 at 12:33 PM
no one better bring me to life with a magic hat that’s all i’m saying
Reposted by BaltimoreOctopus
ketchup is just tomato jizz
December 6, 2025 at 11:48 PM
ketchup is just tomato jizz
Reposted by BaltimoreOctopus
The most annoying sound in the world? Gotta be the beating heart under the floorboards. We get it. We’re haunted by our conscience and slowly going mad. It’s been done!
December 5, 2025 at 6:23 AM
The most annoying sound in the world? Gotta be the beating heart under the floorboards. We get it. We’re haunted by our conscience and slowly going mad. It’s been done!