Jake
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waveturtlejake.bsky.social
Jake
@waveturtlejake.bsky.social
Presbyterian
Pinned
Dusting off a classic 🎮
Aww we’re fucked aren’t we
Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) was spotted earlier today, January 20, 2026, on a plane heading to Laguna Beach as the state of Texas braces for a rare ice threat and arctic cold front.
January 22, 2026 at 2:43 AM
Really need Europe to just go for the American jugular. Ban our tech giants, stop enforcing our copyrights, and sanction us like every other hostile power. Make things bad here. It’s the only way we’ll change.
January 21, 2026 at 2:01 PM
I don’t understand why the EU isn’t pulling out all the stops. Cripple the tech giants in Europe and stop enforcing American copyrights and patents. Trump has already shown with China that he backs down immediately when he gets real pushback.
Someone is gonna have to do something dramatic here
Trump posts an image depicting Canada and Greenland as part of the United States
January 20, 2026 at 12:56 PM
Reposted by Jake
as a parent of small children, once you realize that little kids don’t process toys all over the ground and not picked up as “i made a mess” but as “i had a fun day playing” it becomes clear just how far gone they are. they can’t even admit there’s a problem to address. they are in denial
January 19, 2026 at 10:21 PM
He was a Communist, Elmo.
January 19, 2026 at 9:59 PM
Reposted by Jake
Oh my God a literal wallet inspector
Crypto holder loses $283 million to scammer impersonating wallet support

January 10, 2026
https://www.web3isgoinggreat.com/?id=trezor-support-scam
January 17, 2026 at 9:17 PM
Reposted by Jake
January 18, 2026 at 6:20 PM
HAYMEN BROTHER
January 18, 2026 at 1:48 AM
Reposted by Jake
I'm always Driving Under the Influence (of the Holy Spirit)
January 18, 2026 at 1:41 AM
Reposted by Jake
it's over ive depicted you as the primitive soay sheep and myself as the modern merino sheep
January 16, 2026 at 3:11 AM
All semester I’ve been dealing with sixth graders shouting “We are Charlie Kirk” but in a way that’s obviously from the meme song, and I just realized today talking to them that none of them know who that is and about half didn’t know that Charlie Kirk was a real person.
January 16, 2026 at 2:30 PM
Just remembered this
January 16, 2026 at 2:13 PM
Rioters are serving delicious hot dogs to ICE officers, but when they bite into it the wiener is actually dynamite and it blows up and leaves soot all over their faces.
January 16, 2026 at 2:00 AM
A piece of broccoli
Brooke Rollins: "We've run over 1,000 simulations. It can cost around $3 a meal for a piece of chicken, a piece of broccoli, corn tortilla, and one other thing. So there is a way to do this that actually will save the average American consumer money."
January 15, 2026 at 1:41 AM
RIP to Scott Adams, the cartoonist so bad he briefly turned Ben Garrison woke.
January 13, 2026 at 6:05 PM
Been away from my phone for a while and thought It Happened.
[Exit Bastard.]
January 13, 2026 at 5:06 PM
Reposted by Jake
Never forget
January 12, 2026 at 7:46 AM
They’re calling it “the Donroe Doctrine.”
January 12, 2026 at 12:39 PM
Praying for her swift recovery 🙏
January 12, 2026 at 12:31 PM
January 12, 2026 at 2:46 AM
The Epic Games Store is wild. It’s like an experiment to see how much money they can spend without making a single sale.
Sympathies with the Epic PR team
January 12, 2026 at 2:04 AM
Reposted by Jake
Sidelined reading a New Yorker piece by the sudden emergence of a "Leslie Hamburger"
January 11, 2026 at 9:51 PM
Wine Mom has always been a misogynist trope and we should all stop saying it, btw.
Ladies you “Zumba-ed” too hard!
January 11, 2026 at 10:15 PM
My local zoo is advertising “The World’s Tallest Gorilla Experience” whatever that means.
January 11, 2026 at 8:53 PM