Pinned
[Big Scream]
@turdfartlet.bsky.social
· Aug 17
Her: What's your dream date?
Me: You chase me around with a broom then cover me with delicious garbage.
Her: What?
Me: Uhhhh
Raccoon wingman in my ear: C'mon buddy you're losing her!!
Me: You chase me around with a broom then cover me with delicious garbage.
Her: What?
Me: Uhhhh
Raccoon wingman in my ear: C'mon buddy you're losing her!!
Interviewer: You ain't getting the job, but I admire your tenacity.
Me: Thanks, I admire that you think I have ten asses.
Me: Thanks, I admire that you think I have ten asses.
November 29, 2025 at 4:31 AM
Interviewer: You ain't getting the job, but I admire your tenacity.
Me: Thanks, I admire that you think I have ten asses.
Me: Thanks, I admire that you think I have ten asses.
Reposted by [Big Scream]
me: do you have any black friday deals?
doctor: you’re losing a lot of blood
doctor: you’re losing a lot of blood
November 28, 2025 at 6:32 AM
me: do you have any black friday deals?
doctor: you’re losing a lot of blood
doctor: you’re losing a lot of blood
Reposted by [Big Scream]
[blind date]
WOMAN: When I saw your photo I assumed you would be the man *holding* the fish.
FISH: [flipping and flopping about on the table] Can we talk about this later.
WOMAN: When I saw your photo I assumed you would be the man *holding* the fish.
FISH: [flipping and flopping about on the table] Can we talk about this later.
November 27, 2025 at 10:47 AM
[blind date]
WOMAN: When I saw your photo I assumed you would be the man *holding* the fish.
FISH: [flipping and flopping about on the table] Can we talk about this later.
WOMAN: When I saw your photo I assumed you would be the man *holding* the fish.
FISH: [flipping and flopping about on the table] Can we talk about this later.
A monthly fee for subs serving on submersibles?
That's a subsubscription.
That's a subsubscription.
November 27, 2025 at 9:07 PM
A monthly fee for subs serving on submersibles?
That's a subsubscription.
That's a subsubscription.
Wife: I can't stand when you get crabby!
Me: *rapidly carcinicizing* Babe get the wet caT ffoood i'M hONgry
Me: *rapidly carcinicizing* Babe get the wet caT ffoood i'M hONgry
November 27, 2025 at 5:35 AM
Wife: I can't stand when you get crabby!
Me: *rapidly carcinicizing* Babe get the wet caT ffoood i'M hONgry
Me: *rapidly carcinicizing* Babe get the wet caT ffoood i'M hONgry
Oh, you can't use your tiny mouthparts to shovel tiny shrimp into your maw?
Sounds like a krill issue.
Sounds like a krill issue.
November 26, 2025 at 3:20 AM
Oh, you can't use your tiny mouthparts to shovel tiny shrimp into your maw?
Sounds like a krill issue.
Sounds like a krill issue.
Me: *gloating* Yeah my posts average 0 to 1 like
November 26, 2025 at 2:07 AM
Me: *gloating* Yeah my posts average 0 to 1 like
Me: If you mess up speaking at a paleontology convention is it still called popping a boner?
Chomsky: That's not... It was never called that!
Chomsky: That's not... It was never called that!
November 26, 2025 at 12:55 AM
Me: If you mess up speaking at a paleontology convention is it still called popping a boner?
Chomsky: That's not... It was never called that!
Chomsky: That's not... It was never called that!
Reposted by [Big Scream]
ME POSTING: Good pussy sound like the Silent Hill radio
ME AFTER I NOTICE A FAMOUS PERSON JUST FOLLOWED ME: More than ever it is so inportant to be apprised of all that is to be and furthermore to learn of all that could in the best manner we are able as this is the true delight of Life
ME AFTER I NOTICE A FAMOUS PERSON JUST FOLLOWED ME: More than ever it is so inportant to be apprised of all that is to be and furthermore to learn of all that could in the best manner we are able as this is the true delight of Life
November 25, 2025 at 9:48 PM
ME POSTING: Good pussy sound like the Silent Hill radio
ME AFTER I NOTICE A FAMOUS PERSON JUST FOLLOWED ME: More than ever it is so inportant to be apprised of all that is to be and furthermore to learn of all that could in the best manner we are able as this is the true delight of Life
ME AFTER I NOTICE A FAMOUS PERSON JUST FOLLOWED ME: More than ever it is so inportant to be apprised of all that is to be and furthermore to learn of all that could in the best manner we are able as this is the true delight of Life
Me: I'm thinking about getting into watercolors next!
Museum Curator: I'd actually appreciate if you got dressed and got the fuck out of here instead.
Museum Curator: I'd actually appreciate if you got dressed and got the fuck out of here instead.
November 25, 2025 at 6:04 PM
Me: I'm thinking about getting into watercolors next!
Museum Curator: I'd actually appreciate if you got dressed and got the fuck out of here instead.
Museum Curator: I'd actually appreciate if you got dressed and got the fuck out of here instead.
Just call him John Seenah and be done with it.
November 25, 2025 at 2:32 AM
Just call him John Seenah and be done with it.
Patisserie Pete putting a hit out on the Muffin Man is still one of the craziest things from this year. Almost doesn't feel real.
November 25, 2025 at 1:23 AM
Patisserie Pete putting a hit out on the Muffin Man is still one of the craziest things from this year. Almost doesn't feel real.
Reposted by [Big Scream]
DMV Worker: Has anything changed since last renewal?
Me: My spirit. My outlook. My will to live.
DMV Worker: …We just need your address, sir.
Me: My spirit. My outlook. My will to live.
DMV Worker: …We just need your address, sir.
November 24, 2025 at 7:14 PM
DMV Worker: Has anything changed since last renewal?
Me: My spirit. My outlook. My will to live.
DMV Worker: …We just need your address, sir.
Me: My spirit. My outlook. My will to live.
DMV Worker: …We just need your address, sir.
Never look a gift horse in the mouth.
Unless you're a horse dentist.
Unless you're a horse dentist.
November 25, 2025 at 12:48 AM
Never look a gift horse in the mouth.
Unless you're a horse dentist.
Unless you're a horse dentist.
Finally watching season 2 of Fiona and Cake! Terrific!!
November 24, 2025 at 5:14 AM
Finally watching season 2 of Fiona and Cake! Terrific!!
Editor: Hmm I dunno, Tale of Two Cities feels a little boring
Charles Dickens: How about *blushing* Tale of Two Titties?
Editor: *also blushing* Hehe nice
Charles Dickens: How about *blushing* Tale of Two Titties?
Editor: *also blushing* Hehe nice
November 24, 2025 at 2:53 AM
Editor: Hmm I dunno, Tale of Two Cities feels a little boring
Charles Dickens: How about *blushing* Tale of Two Titties?
Editor: *also blushing* Hehe nice
Charles Dickens: How about *blushing* Tale of Two Titties?
Editor: *also blushing* Hehe nice
I used to always root for the underdog until the day it broke free from its ancient shackles, ushering the world into an age of darkness.
November 23, 2025 at 10:20 PM
I used to always root for the underdog until the day it broke free from its ancient shackles, ushering the world into an age of darkness.
I kept mixing up artisan and artisian so now I'm stuck down a well with a baker.
November 23, 2025 at 3:42 AM
I kept mixing up artisan and artisian so now I'm stuck down a well with a baker.
My relationship with alcohol?
Was she talking about me?
Was she talking about me?
November 23, 2025 at 3:40 AM
My relationship with alcohol?
Was she talking about me?
Was she talking about me?
This holiday season, put the toy back in toilet.
November 22, 2025 at 6:23 AM
This holiday season, put the toy back in toilet.
The Lion The Witch and The Unspeakable Fear of THE DARK ONES
November 22, 2025 at 4:53 AM
The Lion The Witch and The Unspeakable Fear of THE DARK ONES
This year my advent calendar is just 24 days of BLOOD HEXES
November 22, 2025 at 1:34 AM
This year my advent calendar is just 24 days of BLOOD HEXES
I'm a part of the town hysterical society. Once a month we break into an old house and scream until the floor collapses.
November 20, 2025 at 8:40 PM
I'm a part of the town hysterical society. Once a month we break into an old house and scream until the floor collapses.
I would never wax poetically. There's way too much screaming and cursing for it to be considered poetry.
November 20, 2025 at 6:45 PM
I would never wax poetically. There's way too much screaming and cursing for it to be considered poetry.
Reposted by [Big Scream]
“What did you do on your day off?”
Wrote some unholy smut, wrote a battle in the woods scene for a period piece, and played video games.
Wrote some unholy smut, wrote a battle in the woods scene for a period piece, and played video games.
November 20, 2025 at 5:04 PM
“What did you do on your day off?”
Wrote some unholy smut, wrote a battle in the woods scene for a period piece, and played video games.
Wrote some unholy smut, wrote a battle in the woods scene for a period piece, and played video games.