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machetemonkey.bsky.social
Performative Competency
@machetemonkey.bsky.social
Hello. I’m a real person, and as a real person, I’ve made some humorous observations about real life.

Minneapolis, MN (He/Him)
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It gave us the great Disco Elysium Vance video:
November 9, 2025 at 1:03 AM
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We won every precinct with a total of 62.05% of the vote!

Thank you Ward 12, I look forward to representing and serving you for the next 4 years.

A progressive vision for supporting everyday people and working families is what I will work to deliver with you. 🤍
November 5, 2025 at 6:07 AM
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🚨EARLY EXITS: all your enemies are voting in high percentages and will get their way over the next four years unless you show up to the polls and bring several friends.
November 4, 2025 at 9:49 PM
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Minneapolis and Saint Paul, go to the polls prepared tomorrow! All these races matter. Here’s @naomikritzer.bsky.social indexed election election guide. naomikritzer.com
Will Tell Stories For Food
Naomi Kritzer's blog
naomikritzer.com
November 4, 2025 at 2:05 AM
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Can’t believe the amount of illicit things I’ve found in my kids Halloween candy. Razor blades, fentanyl, mixed-use multi-family housing in an exclusively single family zone
November 1, 2025 at 2:16 AM
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Hello kids. Great costumes. You can have boring regular candy or, in exchange for a small fee, you can invest in something I'm calling Candy Premium, an AI-enabled solution that
November 1, 2025 at 12:18 AM
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Team Aurin is joining forces with our neighbors, Arya Cafè & Asian Duck Cafe, to run a food drive and Community Collection Hub for the Minnehaha Food Shelf.

From Nov. 1st – 30th, you can drop off essentials for our neighbors at (Arya Cafè, 4603 Minnehaha Ave) daily from 7am–9pm!
October 31, 2025 at 11:55 PM
Uncle 1: Former bigwig in a Chicago suburb public school district. Trained by an NC-style whole-hog BBQ pit master.

Uncle 2: Pro jeweler. Lost his wife to cancer, remarried, divorced, moved down South
I don't need the lore behind your favorite posters... tell me about your uncles
October 25, 2025 at 2:53 AM
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"Oxford commas are a sign you write with ai" I will find such a unique way to rip out your spine that they'll make a movie about it
October 23, 2025 at 4:50 PM
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finally updated my all of mpls blog with the september 2025 finance report to include every donor this year. a lot more big contributions than the june report! i'll highlight some notable ones in a thread here - taylordahlin.com/f/who-is-fun...
Who is Funding All of Mpls in 2025? (Updated Oct 2025)
All of Mpls was founded in 2021 by Richard Forschler, a former lobbyist who represented corporate and capital interests such as the Minneapolis Downtown Council (who donated $35,000 to We Love Mpls in...
taylordahlin.com
October 21, 2025 at 3:09 AM
Evergreen feeling for me, tbh
I yearn for human connection but I guess I'll copyedit instead
October 20, 2025 at 1:41 AM
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For the Sickos
October 20, 2025 at 12:14 AM
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elizabeth shaffer pledging support to the C suite
October 17, 2025 at 12:39 PM
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I hope @dewayneforminneapolis.com doesn't mind me retelling a story he told me when we first met last winter. I kept it to myself because he wasn’t telling it publicly but he mentioned it yesterday. It’s one of the things that’s leading me to rank him first. A hope-its-ok-and-I-get-right 🧵:
Yesterday, I hosted an incredible event, "Ward 8 for a New Mayor." We talked about why we need a new mayor and then @jazzformayor.bsky.social , @omarfatehmn.com , and @dewayneforminneapolis.com laid out why they should be our next mayor. I came away excited about all of them and will rank all three!
October 12, 2025 at 7:22 PM
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they covered jesus with a purple cloth for the forum to make it non secular because it’s in a church but it’s really just giving abu ghraib and i think it’s deeply unsettling
October 10, 2025 at 1:31 AM
Won’t compromise: car tires, meat (trustworthy sources only with the gutted inspection services), LEGO (no knock-offs)

Will compromise: shoes and socks (even “good” ones wear out quick for me)
October 3, 2025 at 3:48 AM
@dunktankdoug.bsky.social and I are here at @trylon.org and we have no idea what to expect but I’m so excited to learn THE TRUTH
Folks! Jeffrey Epstein: Bad Pedophile premieres tonight in theatres nationwide!

Some important notes:

—Get there early! A lot of theatres won't be running trailers beforehand.

—Some showings still have tickets left! You can buy them here: theonion.com/badpedophile
October 2, 2025 at 11:58 PM
“This is the worst town in America” is something I say really regularly despite it being *checks notes* *squints* …a random pedestrian npc line from The Simpsons: Hit & Run video game
what's the stupidest/randomest Simpsons quote that lives in your head rent free? Mine is the urge to say "you said go to bread" every time I am about to head to bed.
October 2, 2025 at 3:23 AM
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Right now, Minneapolis can choose a different story than the one people are telling about us – we can choose to believe in the power of us.

Voting is open now until November 4. I hope you'll rank me first on your ballot because Minneapolis deserves better.
September 29, 2025 at 12:51 PM
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someone said on twitter you can't be an open republican and work in minneapolis politics but you actually can as long as it's on the elizabeth shaffer campaign. she featured the deputy chair of the MN GOP CD5 in her kickoff video! he doorknocked and campaigned for her! his name is mitch rossow!
why would the MN GOP CD5 deputy chair be at an event for a DFL endorsed candidate?

this is mitch rossow pictured in the video shared from elizabeth shaffer’s field kickoff today
September 28, 2025 at 2:56 PM
We had our wedding here, and it holds such a special place in our hearts.
September 26, 2025 at 10:17 PM
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becka thompson predicted covid when doing math stuff with kids
September 26, 2025 at 2:00 AM
This thread is simple reporting but the mere fact that Taylor is here and reporting on it qualifies as genuine journalistic excellence.

This is a 5-hour exposé into how powerful property owners operate and all it took to make it public was the effort to actually fucking show up. Kudos.
i’m in st. paul for latest in the robin wonsley & michael wilson vs john wall case

after the hearing last week, judge christina moseng determined there is probable cause to believe wall violated MN statute by not allowing these campaigns to canvass his buildings
September 26, 2025 at 2:03 AM
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IRL local politics 🧵. Went to a nice Linden Hills fundraiser for CTUL, the awesome immigrant-led workers-rights group. Attendees were what you’d expect: earnest, mostly white-haired DFLers happy to help. What was fascinating/distressing was how disconnected their politics were from the cause!
September 25, 2025 at 1:57 PM
This was so clearly typed out in anger immediately after the KSTP segment aired like, an hour ago
new Becka Thompson email that I’m sure she’ll end up apologizing for later
September 25, 2025 at 4:09 AM