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Swim Jeans 👖

@shortsleevesuit.bsky.social

12K followers 400 following 1.1K posts

Pilot. Mancub. Liar. 🍸🤘 header by the great Marf Salvador avi by @frovo.bsky.social He/Him 👉: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:bmvl67povgevf645aj6vfpje/feed/aaab5d3sxupgm

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Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · Dec 6

PRIEST: do you have the ring

ME: *still staring into my fiancé’s eyes* yes on dvd

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Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖

Jack Boot @jackboot.bsky.social · Nov 18

Of course your baby is fascinated with your car keys. You're boring and he would like to drive away.

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Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 2d

a child is walking in the snow with a dog on his back .

ALT: a child is walking in the snow with a dog on his back .

media.tenor.com

Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖

trickyNOtreat 🎃 @trickykat.bsky.social · 2d

i've lost the will for you to live

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Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 2d

🙌🍸

Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 2d

a man in a suit and tie is sitting at a desk looking at a book .

ALT: a man in a suit and tie is sitting at a desk looking at a book .

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Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 2d

ME: another piggy back ride please

GENIE: ok but then you’re out of wishes

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Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 4d

a man in a suit and tie is asking if he can get an amen ?

ALT: a man in a suit and tie is asking if he can get an amen ?

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Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 4d

If my wife was ever judging me on a food competition show I would simply make dinner rolls with butter

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Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖

Gef the Toking Mongoose @geftokingmongoose.bsky.social · 5d

Make sure to talk to your kids about existential dread

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Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 4d

a bald man in a blue shirt is sitting at a table in front of a window and smiling .

ALT: a bald man in a blue shirt is sitting at a table in front of a window and smiling .

media.tenor.com

Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 4d

that sounds delightful 😂😱

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Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 5d

a man with long hair and a mullet is standing in front of a crowd .

ALT: a man with long hair and a mullet is standing in front of a crowd .

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Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 5d

My slutty Ron Howard costume is coming along nicely

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Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖

Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 5d

[best read with a French accent]

“I am so very sorry sir, without a reservation, there is simply nothing I can do for you.”

2 photos of a fluffy black-and-white cat with a pencil-thin mustache. They appear to he looking up and speaking in the first, scowling in the second.

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Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖

☢️ Captain Antagonist ☢️ @captantagonist.bsky.social · 6d

Me and my clones are in a doppelgäng.

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Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 6d

a close up of a woman 's face with a #schitts creek logo in the background

ALT: a close up of a woman 's face with a #schitts creek logo in the background

media.tenor.com

Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 6d

EVERYONE: release the Epstein files

TRUMP: Stephen Miller and I will eat a husky toddler on Tik Tok this Sunday at 8pm (Eastern)

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Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖

andy vs. @im-all-id.me · 6d

Who needs sex when you have cool ranch doritos?

Therapist: *scribbling furiously*

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Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖

josh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99.bsky.social · 6d

I've never heard of anything weird

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Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 6d

wait till you hear about news™️

Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 6d

😂😂☠️

Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 7d

a man in a batman costume is smiling and adjusting his mask

ALT: a man in a batman costume is smiling and adjusting his mask

media.tenor.com

Reposted by Swim Jeans 👖

Cap’n Watsisname @capnwatsisname.bsky.social · Aug 14

Overdoing “on the other hand” alternatives for dinner to impress my octopus date

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Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 8d

a man in a blue sweater is standing in front of a group of people .

ALT: a man in a blue sweater is standing in front of a group of people .

media.tenor.com

Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 9d

DOCTOR: we found drugs in your system

ME: is there anything you can do

DOCTOR: no you did them all

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