Monkey One
@vitruvianmonkey.bsky.social
Livin’ the farce, baby!
Reposted by Monkey One
ANUBIS: (presses button with paw) [guilty]
OSIRIS: im sorry he does this when he's hungry
ANUBIS: (button) [guilty] [bad] [food]
OSIRIS: you already ate
ANUBIS: (button) [bad] [bad] [bad]
OSIRIS: he's right though we weighed your heart against the feather and its not looking good
OSIRIS: im sorry he does this when he's hungry
ANUBIS: (button) [guilty] [bad] [food]
OSIRIS: you already ate
ANUBIS: (button) [bad] [bad] [bad]
OSIRIS: he's right though we weighed your heart against the feather and its not looking good
November 2, 2025 at 12:23 PM
ANUBIS: (presses button with paw) [guilty]
OSIRIS: im sorry he does this when he's hungry
ANUBIS: (button) [guilty] [bad] [food]
OSIRIS: you already ate
ANUBIS: (button) [bad] [bad] [bad]
OSIRIS: he's right though we weighed your heart against the feather and its not looking good
OSIRIS: im sorry he does this when he's hungry
ANUBIS: (button) [guilty] [bad] [food]
OSIRIS: you already ate
ANUBIS: (button) [bad] [bad] [bad]
OSIRIS: he's right though we weighed your heart against the feather and its not looking good
Solution: kill your heroes.
I want to lay down a few markers here for folks as the clock starts ticking down to the release of the Epstein Files.
1) You are going to learn about a lot more disgusting and sickening things people said, joked about and maybe even did. You will likely be disappointed in someone you had admired
1) You are going to learn about a lot more disgusting and sickening things people said, joked about and maybe even did. You will likely be disappointed in someone you had admired
November 19, 2025 at 3:48 PM
Solution: kill your heroes.
So how do you think they fucked with the Epstein files? You don’t just change your whole tune on releasing them overnight for no reason.
November 19, 2025 at 1:29 AM
So how do you think they fucked with the Epstein files? You don’t just change your whole tune on releasing them overnight for no reason.
Reposted by Monkey One
Mechanic [sliding out from under Optimus Prime]: I think I see what the issue is. This truck is also a big guy somehow
November 18, 2025 at 3:48 PM
Mechanic [sliding out from under Optimus Prime]: I think I see what the issue is. This truck is also a big guy somehow
Well, well, well, if it isn’t my old friend Duh.
ICE employee among 16 men arrested in Bloomington sex trafficking sting, police say.
"When he was arrested, he said, 'I'm ICE, boys,'" Hodges said during a press conference Tuesday. "Well, unfortunately for him, we locked him up."
"When he was arrested, he said, 'I'm ICE, boys,'" Hodges said during a press conference Tuesday. "Well, unfortunately for him, we locked him up."
ICE employee among 16 men arrested in Bloomington sex trafficking sting, police say
According to Bloomington Police Chief Booker Hodges, officers started the three-day sting on Nov. 5. They used several methods to find people who were attempting to solicit a 17-year-old girl for sex.
www.cbsnews.com
November 19, 2025 at 12:51 AM
Well, well, well, if it isn’t my old friend Duh.
14 degrees Fahrenheit above the daily average. Chat, are we cooked?
November 18, 2025 at 10:30 PM
14 degrees Fahrenheit above the daily average. Chat, are we cooked?
Keithery Olberstein over here.
So if Olivia is 32 now, broke up with Lizza last year, was together with him for a decade, and then was living with you for 4+ years before that, how old was she when you moved her out of her (presumably parents’) house in the suburbs to live with you?
Btw about this from Lizza's reply: Olivia and I lived together for 4+ years (4 b'days, 4 Xmases, 4 anniversaries). That's like $1250 of jewelry per celebration. And her apartment was a writing studio. And I made an f-ton then. What was I supposed to do? Get her a lot of Gift Certificates from Kmart?
November 18, 2025 at 6:27 PM
Keithery Olberstein over here.
Olive Nuzzi would have definitely fallen in love with Jeffrey Epstein if she had been important enough for him to meet and email.
November 18, 2025 at 4:47 AM
Olive Nuzzi would have definitely fallen in love with Jeffrey Epstein if she had been important enough for him to meet and email.
Put this in the Would End Any Other Presidency file.
"Quiet! Quiet, Piggy."
November 18, 2025 at 3:27 AM
Put this in the Would End Any Other Presidency file.
Reposted by Monkey One
Happy to be of service.
November 17, 2025 at 8:31 PM
Happy to be of service.
“Stop chewing on your brother’s face,” is a very strange thing to have to say, but puppies.
November 17, 2025 at 9:29 PM
“Stop chewing on your brother’s face,” is a very strange thing to have to say, but puppies.
My favorite animal survival strategy is when they’re just like, “Fine, you want food? Here. Eat this piece of me I can regrow while I run away or hide.”
November 17, 2025 at 4:37 PM
My favorite animal survival strategy is when they’re just like, “Fine, you want food? Here. Eat this piece of me I can regrow while I run away or hide.”
Reposted by Monkey One
Zoe's Animal Rescue Society in Edmonton has emptied their funds taking in some animals who need expensive surgeries. They were slammed pretty hard this year, and [gestures wildly at the world] donations aren't meeting the demand.
Please share/help as you can.
www.zoesanimalrescue.org/donate/
Please share/help as you can.
www.zoesanimalrescue.org/donate/
November 17, 2025 at 3:17 PM
Zoe's Animal Rescue Society in Edmonton has emptied their funds taking in some animals who need expensive surgeries. They were slammed pretty hard this year, and [gestures wildly at the world] donations aren't meeting the demand.
Please share/help as you can.
www.zoesanimalrescue.org/donate/
Please share/help as you can.
www.zoesanimalrescue.org/donate/
If Link says even one word I will burn down the theater.
First official look at the live-action ‘Legend of Zelda’ movie ⚔️
In theaters May 7, 2027
In theaters May 7, 2027
November 17, 2025 at 3:40 PM
If Link says even one word I will burn down the theater.
A tent with no standards for entry. A tent so big that it collapses in on itself into a meaningless singularity.
Raskin: We are a big tent. We must be a huge, vast tent. I say this is a party that’s got room for Marjorie Taylor Greene if she wants to come over.
November 17, 2025 at 3:11 PM
A tent with no standards for entry. A tent so big that it collapses in on itself into a meaningless singularity.
One of you will betray me.
November 17, 2025 at 3:15 AM
One of you will betray me.
All of our presidents have been bisexual except for Madison (ACE) and HW Bush (Pan).
November 16, 2025 at 11:07 PM
All of our presidents have been bisexual except for Madison (ACE) and HW Bush (Pan).
Reposted by Monkey One
(spending 9 billion dollars to make a robot say "i have always loved you") hard times create strong men
November 16, 2025 at 9:35 PM
(spending 9 billion dollars to make a robot say "i have always loved you") hard times create strong men
Reposted by Monkey One
just saw the worst gaming ad ive ever seen
November 15, 2025 at 4:32 AM
just saw the worst gaming ad ive ever seen
I keep mixing up Glen Powell and Glen Howerton in my head.
November 16, 2025 at 7:08 PM
I keep mixing up Glen Powell and Glen Howerton in my head.
SOMEONE: Fuck you!
BOVINO: That’s not very nice.
THE MOST MOM VOICE YOU’VE EVER HEARD: Well, are you doing nice things?
BOVINO: That’s not very nice.
THE MOST MOM VOICE YOU’VE EVER HEARD: Well, are you doing nice things?
Bovino is taking part in CBP detentions in Charlotte. dickfc_w_l on TikTok.
November 16, 2025 at 2:10 AM
SOMEONE: Fuck you!
BOVINO: That’s not very nice.
THE MOST MOM VOICE YOU’VE EVER HEARD: Well, are you doing nice things?
BOVINO: That’s not very nice.
THE MOST MOM VOICE YOU’VE EVER HEARD: Well, are you doing nice things?
Imagine being that student now and finding out your mentor was discussing how to get in your pants with Captain Pedophile.
The emails have Summers reporting to Epstein about his attempts to date a Harvard economics student & to hit on her during a seminar she was giving.
November 16, 2025 at 12:17 AM
Imagine being that student now and finding out your mentor was discussing how to get in your pants with Captain Pedophile.
He did it all for the Nuzzi,
Come on!
The Nuzzi,
Come on!
So you can’t take that vaccine,
And stick it in your,
Yeah!
And stick it in your,
Yeah!
And stick it in your
Come on!
The Nuzzi,
Come on!
So you can’t take that vaccine,
And stick it in your,
Yeah!
And stick it in your,
Yeah!
And stick it in your
November 15, 2025 at 5:41 PM
He did it all for the Nuzzi,
Come on!
The Nuzzi,
Come on!
So you can’t take that vaccine,
And stick it in your,
Yeah!
And stick it in your,
Yeah!
And stick it in your
Come on!
The Nuzzi,
Come on!
So you can’t take that vaccine,
And stick it in your,
Yeah!
And stick it in your,
Yeah!
And stick it in your
Finally got the money to go to the vet, and these pups? These pups? Only three months old and one is 14 and the other 21 pounds. They are going to be massive.
November 15, 2025 at 5:35 PM
Finally got the money to go to the vet, and these pups? These pups? Only three months old and one is 14 and the other 21 pounds. They are going to be massive.
I will unfollow you in less than five seconds if you repost this AI trash. This isn’t Facebook.
November 15, 2025 at 4:04 PM
I will unfollow you in less than five seconds if you repost this AI trash. This isn’t Facebook.