Ra's al Dolezal
@senatorivy.com
I need it to say 'tha lady killa, tha blood spilla, and tha toilet filla.' Yes, I'll hold.
Pinned
Ra's al Dolezal
@senatorivy.com
· Sep 9
The guy who wrote Weekend at Bernies died. I'm told his last words were "Dont do it, please. You gotta promise me you wont do it. You know what. Promise me."
There is literally nothing in this fuckin car that warrants me locking it. I have stepped on my own dick yet again.
November 25, 2025 at 5:14 AM
There is literally nothing in this fuckin car that warrants me locking it. I have stepped on my own dick yet again.
Do not tell me you are a 24 hour locksmith if the earliest you can get to me is 8 hours from now. Do not pretend like there's that many mfs locked out around here.
November 25, 2025 at 5:11 AM
Do not tell me you are a 24 hour locksmith if the earliest you can get to me is 8 hours from now. Do not pretend like there's that many mfs locked out around here.
How much is it?
valkharheff?
I'm sorry?
lokay valkhar weyr
Where am I?
LOKAY VALKHAR WEYR
ok man, thanks.
valkharheff?
I'm sorry?
lokay valkhar weyr
Where am I?
LOKAY VALKHAR WEYR
ok man, thanks.
November 25, 2025 at 4:54 AM
How much is it?
valkharheff?
I'm sorry?
lokay valkhar weyr
Where am I?
LOKAY VALKHAR WEYR
ok man, thanks.
valkharheff?
I'm sorry?
lokay valkhar weyr
Where am I?
LOKAY VALKHAR WEYR
ok man, thanks.
Me: "Hey do you have a slimjim to pop a car door lock?"
Everyone I ask: "No. If anyone would have one I'd think it'd be you."
Everyone I ask: "No. If anyone would have one I'd think it'd be you."
November 25, 2025 at 4:36 AM
Me: "Hey do you have a slimjim to pop a car door lock?"
Everyone I ask: "No. If anyone would have one I'd think it'd be you."
Everyone I ask: "No. If anyone would have one I'd think it'd be you."
Why dont you just make it immediate activation and minimum 3 months membership or ehatever the fuck would let people use it immediately without it costing you money, allstate? Wtf
November 25, 2025 at 4:22 AM
Why dont you just make it immediate activation and minimum 3 months membership or ehatever the fuck would let people use it immediately without it costing you money, allstate? Wtf
I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY IN THERE, CAR KEYS YOU PIECE OF SHIT
November 25, 2025 at 2:18 AM
I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY IN THERE, CAR KEYS YOU PIECE OF SHIT
Sometimes you order something and then in the middle of the night an email shows up on it changing the status to one thst definitely requires human interaction and it's like who the hell is awake at this hour and working on it? How is there a picture for it already you are insane
November 24, 2025 at 10:19 PM
Sometimes you order something and then in the middle of the night an email shows up on it changing the status to one thst definitely requires human interaction and it's like who the hell is awake at this hour and working on it? How is there a picture for it already you are insane
Jake the Snake's brother, Joseph the Snoeseph
November 23, 2025 at 11:04 PM
Jake the Snake's brother, Joseph the Snoeseph
If you're making "thanksgiving poptarts" with puff pastry then you aren't making poptarts you're making toaster strudels.
November 23, 2025 at 4:06 PM
If you're making "thanksgiving poptarts" with puff pastry then you aren't making poptarts you're making toaster strudels.
@joadsprocket.bsky.social how is your new job, and wouldnt it be great to de-stress with some video game violence
November 23, 2025 at 12:45 AM
@joadsprocket.bsky.social how is your new job, and wouldnt it be great to de-stress with some video game violence
My plan to wake up at a normal time failed by 4 hours
November 22, 2025 at 5:40 PM
My plan to wake up at a normal time failed by 4 hours
🎶Faaast Christmas
I gave you my car
the very next day
you flew it to space 🎶
I gave you my car
the very next day
you flew it to space 🎶
November 22, 2025 at 5:06 AM
🎶Faaast Christmas
I gave you my car
the very next day
you flew it to space 🎶
I gave you my car
the very next day
you flew it to space 🎶
Who gives a shit what Musk's sycophantic robot says about him. He's made it say only good things about him, we see that, so who cares what it says? I know every Crue song sucks shit; I dont need to see the lyrics on their latest album.
November 21, 2025 at 3:09 PM
Who gives a shit what Musk's sycophantic robot says about him. He's made it say only good things about him, we see that, so who cares what it says? I know every Crue song sucks shit; I dont need to see the lyrics on their latest album.
Reposted by Ra's al Dolezal
Hapless rube in commercial for AI: Gemini, what does the recipe mean by, “finish by broiling on top rack for 4 minutes”? 😩
Gemini: Amazing job on the cooking! It can be scary. First of all, an oven is like an epic car without wheels that gets hot
Gemini: Amazing job on the cooking! It can be scary. First of all, an oven is like an epic car without wheels that gets hot
November 20, 2025 at 10:43 PM
Hapless rube in commercial for AI: Gemini, what does the recipe mean by, “finish by broiling on top rack for 4 minutes”? 😩
Gemini: Amazing job on the cooking! It can be scary. First of all, an oven is like an epic car without wheels that gets hot
Gemini: Amazing job on the cooking! It can be scary. First of all, an oven is like an epic car without wheels that gets hot
Reposted by Ra's al Dolezal
Some Nazis, probably led by Hegseth, wanted to make swastikas a-ok. Mass outcry from both without and likely within the military made them backtrack, because they are cowards. “It’s all a distraction” makes it seem like we can’t beat them if we force the issue. It’s surrender bullshit
I need people to stop acting like they have some master plan based on distraction and deception, these people are not that strategic
November 21, 2025 at 12:55 PM
Some Nazis, probably led by Hegseth, wanted to make swastikas a-ok. Mass outcry from both without and likely within the military made them backtrack, because they are cowards. “It’s all a distraction” makes it seem like we can’t beat them if we force the issue. It’s surrender bullshit
Finally got an invite to the Amazon Vine program, where you review shit and get it for free. I saw vine reviews on a lot of items I've needed in the past so I'm like oh yay.
Then I sign in and its all electrical parts for cars I dont own, chargers for laptops I've never had, and birthday decor?
Then I sign in and its all electrical parts for cars I dont own, chargers for laptops I've never had, and birthday decor?
November 21, 2025 at 5:18 AM
Finally got an invite to the Amazon Vine program, where you review shit and get it for free. I saw vine reviews on a lot of items I've needed in the past so I'm like oh yay.
Then I sign in and its all electrical parts for cars I dont own, chargers for laptops I've never had, and birthday decor?
Then I sign in and its all electrical parts for cars I dont own, chargers for laptops I've never had, and birthday decor?
Reposted by Ra's al Dolezal
Dr. Wifeprov opened the cabinet where we keep the cat treats and they went nutso
March 1, 2025 at 10:12 PM
Dr. Wifeprov opened the cabinet where we keep the cat treats and they went nutso
Reposted by Ra's al Dolezal
[FLIPPING MECHA COCKPIT SWITCHES]
D.A.N: the new upgrades have not been fully tested
FORREST GUMP: no choice! if we dont act, the president dies
D.A.N.: confirmed. activating the J.E.N.I. system
FORREST GUMP: time to put on our magic shoes
🎵CREEDENCE CLEARWATER REVIVAL - FORTUNATE SON🎶
D.A.N: the new upgrades have not been fully tested
FORREST GUMP: no choice! if we dont act, the president dies
D.A.N.: confirmed. activating the J.E.N.I. system
FORREST GUMP: time to put on our magic shoes
🎵CREEDENCE CLEARWATER REVIVAL - FORTUNATE SON🎶
May 31, 2024 at 1:54 AM
[FLIPPING MECHA COCKPIT SWITCHES]
D.A.N: the new upgrades have not been fully tested
FORREST GUMP: no choice! if we dont act, the president dies
D.A.N.: confirmed. activating the J.E.N.I. system
FORREST GUMP: time to put on our magic shoes
🎵CREEDENCE CLEARWATER REVIVAL - FORTUNATE SON🎶
D.A.N: the new upgrades have not been fully tested
FORREST GUMP: no choice! if we dont act, the president dies
D.A.N.: confirmed. activating the J.E.N.I. system
FORREST GUMP: time to put on our magic shoes
🎵CREEDENCE CLEARWATER REVIVAL - FORTUNATE SON🎶
The whole change on gmail that tries to force you to use their ai bullshit is completely shit, but ultimately if those idiots want to put all my mail in 1 folder then that sounds like 3 less clicks I have to do to clear it out.
Strive for mailbox zero. Starve these fuckin ghouls or it'll never end.
Strive for mailbox zero. Starve these fuckin ghouls or it'll never end.
November 20, 2025 at 11:06 PM
The whole change on gmail that tries to force you to use their ai bullshit is completely shit, but ultimately if those idiots want to put all my mail in 1 folder then that sounds like 3 less clicks I have to do to clear it out.
Strive for mailbox zero. Starve these fuckin ghouls or it'll never end.
Strive for mailbox zero. Starve these fuckin ghouls or it'll never end.
When you live the bidet life you sometimes have to use the public bathroom still, and that's when a cup of wipin water comes into play.
November 20, 2025 at 11:03 PM
When you live the bidet life you sometimes have to use the public bathroom still, and that's when a cup of wipin water comes into play.
The scent sprayer in this bathroom just shot out a spritz of what I can only call "first girlfriend scent"
November 20, 2025 at 10:46 PM
The scent sprayer in this bathroom just shot out a spritz of what I can only call "first girlfriend scent"
Reposted by Ra's al Dolezal
I spent lots of time chatting with the Nazi bot on Nazi dot com and giving ad revenue to the world’s richest Nazi in order to create these screenshots that you’ll hate. Enjoy
November 20, 2025 at 9:53 PM
I spent lots of time chatting with the Nazi bot on Nazi dot com and giving ad revenue to the world’s richest Nazi in order to create these screenshots that you’ll hate. Enjoy
Reposted by Ra's al Dolezal
Astonishing. According to this guy I just spoke to, there are no worries
November 20, 2025 at 9:51 PM
Astonishing. According to this guy I just spoke to, there are no worries
Reposted by Ra's al Dolezal
I know in terms of all the things Going On right now its small potatoes but the greek yoghurt i like was $4.49 for 750ml 3 years ago and now its $8.99 for 600ml. I think I should be allowed to punch someone over that. Just once, hard as I can, right to the jaw.
November 20, 2025 at 9:57 PM
I know in terms of all the things Going On right now its small potatoes but the greek yoghurt i like was $4.49 for 750ml 3 years ago and now its $8.99 for 600ml. I think I should be allowed to punch someone over that. Just once, hard as I can, right to the jaw.
Welcome to the USA where "leave it in the cart for a couple days to get a coupon" works for guns also
November 20, 2025 at 9:16 PM
Welcome to the USA where "leave it in the cart for a couple days to get a coupon" works for guns also