The Andrew formerly known as Prince.

watching my cat investigating someone's tractor. wonder if he'll be a farmer when he grows up

why is it pronounced hors do’urves and not whores dwarves

You should be able to order a firefly to your home. The delivery guy should arrive at your door with cupped hands and gently release it into your living room. And the two of you should stand there and watch it together with silent reverence

Sorry I was late for geometry class, I got on the rhombus

Marriage is nice because you can tell all your hopes and dreams to someone who will stand by you while you continue to achieve none of them

I used no-more-tears shampoo on my crocodile and now he’s completely sincere.

Sentry: sire someone graffitied “Wolfgang” all over thy drawbridge

King: [eyes narrow] moat’s art

Un enfants dont une fille est issue de cette unions;

"I think therefore I am"

--Yoda pointing at a photo of himself when he was four

LUKE: what is 2 plus 2

YODA: i forget

LUKE: correct

LUKE: *whispering* should we try to sneak past the sentry

YODA: do or do not. there is no try

LUKE: *whispering* should we do or do not to sneak past the sendo or do not

That's going to be some expensive 🍆

It's like a xylophone that never shuts the fuck up

- The inventor of wind chimes