coworker: man this weekend was wild
me (wearing a jean jacket, a little bit louder than is appropriate): OH YEA?
me (wearing a jean jacket, a little bit louder than is appropriate): OH YEA?
October 21, 2025 at 2:17 AM
coworker: man this weekend was wild
me (wearing a jean jacket, a little bit louder than is appropriate): OH YEA?
me (wearing a jean jacket, a little bit louder than is appropriate): OH YEA?
Reposted by lil jon lovitz
You know where you won’t see a series of increasingly worrisome headlines? Inside my hollow tree ever since the wifi went out because I chewed through a wire
September 21, 2025 at 4:58 PM
You know where you won’t see a series of increasingly worrisome headlines? Inside my hollow tree ever since the wifi went out because I chewed through a wire
Reposted by lil jon lovitz
This is weird, but maybe helpful for other folks: I've been struggling with a persistent ringing in my ears for months, and finally scheduled an appointment to get it checked out. The doctor found a tiny experimental noise band in there. Little table full of gear, bunch of cables and everything
May 31, 2024 at 2:06 PM
This is weird, but maybe helpful for other folks: I've been struggling with a persistent ringing in my ears for months, and finally scheduled an appointment to get it checked out. The doctor found a tiny experimental noise band in there. Little table full of gear, bunch of cables and everything
Reposted by lil jon lovitz
Sorry I lost your dog, he hit a speed boost arrow & that’s the last I saw him
September 21, 2025 at 7:29 PM
Sorry I lost your dog, he hit a speed boost arrow & that’s the last I saw him
my face when [doleful sound of the wind howling through a metal door left ajar]
September 21, 2025 at 11:46 PM
my face when [doleful sound of the wind howling through a metal door left ajar]
Reposted by lil jon lovitz
NFTs were a bubble, AI is a bubble, but small carvings of large hipped women have remained popular with unsettling lighthouse keepers for 200 years, invest with confidence
August 21, 2025 at 1:07 PM
NFTs were a bubble, AI is a bubble, but small carvings of large hipped women have remained popular with unsettling lighthouse keepers for 200 years, invest with confidence
Reposted by lil jon lovitz
the all-new, fully redesigned 2025 homie
August 22, 2025 at 1:54 AM
the all-new, fully redesigned 2025 homie
is anybody else's amulet glowing
August 22, 2025 at 3:12 AM
is anybody else's amulet glowing
[message from your dasher]
hey is it cool if i haunt your dreams a lil bit
hey is it cool if i haunt your dreams a lil bit
August 13, 2025 at 3:58 AM
[message from your dasher]
hey is it cool if i haunt your dreams a lil bit
hey is it cool if i haunt your dreams a lil bit
person i just met at a party: so what do you do for work?
me (wincing): computer,
me (wincing): computer,
August 1, 2025 at 4:04 PM
person i just met at a party: so what do you do for work?
me (wincing): computer,
me (wincing): computer,
Reposted by lil jon lovitz
At a funeral saying deadass instead of amen
July 30, 2025 at 1:15 PM
At a funeral saying deadass instead of amen
me (proudly): so sharks, what do you think
mark cuban: well i for one cannot stand you. you're like a greasy little goblin or something
kevin o'leary: a gremlin
mark cuban: a gremlin. and for that reason, i'm out
mark cuban: well i for one cannot stand you. you're like a greasy little goblin or something
kevin o'leary: a gremlin
mark cuban: a gremlin. and for that reason, i'm out
August 1, 2025 at 12:39 AM
me (proudly): so sharks, what do you think
mark cuban: well i for one cannot stand you. you're like a greasy little goblin or something
kevin o'leary: a gremlin
mark cuban: a gremlin. and for that reason, i'm out
mark cuban: well i for one cannot stand you. you're like a greasy little goblin or something
kevin o'leary: a gremlin
mark cuban: a gremlin. and for that reason, i'm out
Reposted by lil jon lovitz
Hey, the common loon called. Yeah, it was hauntingly beautiful
July 31, 2025 at 9:44 PM
Hey, the common loon called. Yeah, it was hauntingly beautiful
easy. massive feet
July 31, 2025 at 10:40 PM
easy. massive feet
so tired of leaving my house only to be swooped up by the talons of an enormous predatory bird and dropped on top of a tall building
July 25, 2025 at 3:20 PM
so tired of leaving my house only to be swooped up by the talons of an enormous predatory bird and dropped on top of a tall building
job interviewer: tell me a little about yourself
me: my bones are sturdy and strong
me: my bones are sturdy and strong
July 22, 2025 at 3:17 PM
job interviewer: tell me a little about yourself
me: my bones are sturdy and strong
me: my bones are sturdy and strong
always fun to drive past someone emphatically trying to reason with their dog
July 10, 2025 at 9:58 PM
always fun to drive past someone emphatically trying to reason with their dog
amazon delivery vans should play music like the ice cream truck
July 9, 2025 at 1:46 AM
amazon delivery vans should play music like the ice cream truck
Reposted by lil jon lovitz
Why did so many people I went to high school with become yoga masters 25 years later? Is it because of the Nintendo Switch? Nintendo is making us more serene and flexible and I don't trust it.
June 29, 2025 at 3:07 PM
Why did so many people I went to high school with become yoga masters 25 years later? Is it because of the Nintendo Switch? Nintendo is making us more serene and flexible and I don't trust it.
spending a generous portion of today tending to my many Feuds
June 29, 2025 at 6:29 PM
spending a generous portion of today tending to my many Feuds
[my phone starts ringing] this is just like black mirror
June 3, 2025 at 6:28 PM
[my phone starts ringing] this is just like black mirror
raising funds to open a restaurant that serves exactly one (1) overpriced item and signals your order is ready by sounding a viking war horn repeatedly until you come get it. it’s going to disrupt the industry, revolutionize fast casual, and everyone will hate it so much
May 23, 2025 at 11:13 PM
raising funds to open a restaurant that serves exactly one (1) overpriced item and signals your order is ready by sounding a viking war horn repeatedly until you come get it. it’s going to disrupt the industry, revolutionize fast casual, and everyone will hate it so much
showing up to a tennis match with a ball and racquet that are very slightly larger than they should be
May 21, 2025 at 9:17 PM
showing up to a tennis match with a ball and racquet that are very slightly larger than they should be
Reposted by lil jon lovitz
