Matt 🇨🇦🍁
@jedistark.bsky.social
The world is chaos, be kind
Stand with 🇵🇸 , 🇺🇦 , 🇲🇽, 🏳️🌈, 🏳️⚧️ & NATO
lvl 53, cis male
Pluviophile
User # 502,024
My Skeets: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:pzsxocxkxe7jaxcmmjgsppm3/feed/aaaeckv4i7r5i
Stand with 🇵🇸 , 🇺🇦 , 🇲🇽, 🏳️🌈, 🏳️⚧️ & NATO
lvl 53, cis male
Pluviophile
User # 502,024
My Skeets: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:pzsxocxkxe7jaxcmmjgsppm3/feed/aaaeckv4i7r5i
Pinned
Matt 🇨🇦🍁
@jedistark.bsky.social
· Dec 7
There’s no new normal. There’s nothing normal anymore. There’s regular, weird, freaky and wtf
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
DONALD TRUMP: [asleep, drooling on long red tie]
SENATE DEMOCRATS: fine, we give in
SENATE DEMOCRATS: fine, we give in
November 10, 2025 at 2:37 AM
DONALD TRUMP: [asleep, drooling on long red tie]
SENATE DEMOCRATS: fine, we give in
SENATE DEMOCRATS: fine, we give in
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
YOU (a comedian): If it was the Neverending Story then how come the movie ended?
ME (traumatized, still seeing Artax drown in the swamp of sadness): It never did
ME (traumatized, still seeing Artax drown in the swamp of sadness): It never did
October 29, 2025 at 9:09 PM
YOU (a comedian): If it was the Neverending Story then how come the movie ended?
ME (traumatized, still seeing Artax drown in the swamp of sadness): It never did
ME (traumatized, still seeing Artax drown in the swamp of sadness): It never did
They cut SNAP because it would legally arm the public
BREAKING: JUSTICE DEPARTMENT EATS A LOSS IN 'SANDWICH GUY' CASE AS JURORS FIND DEFENDANT NOT GUILTY www.nbcnews.com/politics/jus...
Jury acquits D.C. 'sandwich guy' charged with chucking a sub at a federal agent
Sean Dunn faced single misdemeanor offense after federal grand jurors refused to indict him on the felony charge sought by prosecutors.
www.nbcnews.com
November 7, 2025 at 6:40 PM
They cut SNAP because it would legally arm the public
I’ve had enough of today. I’m going home, showering and then moisturizing
November 7, 2025 at 6:38 PM
I’ve had enough of today. I’m going home, showering and then moisturizing
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
It's almost the weekend
November 7, 2025 at 4:02 AM
It's almost the weekend
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
the best thing about a Fleshlight is it doesn't cut your dick up like a real flashlight
November 7, 2025 at 4:28 PM
the best thing about a Fleshlight is it doesn't cut your dick up like a real flashlight
I saved up all my Antifa money this year. Going to use it for Christmas gifts
November 7, 2025 at 1:37 PM
I saved up all my Antifa money this year. Going to use it for Christmas gifts
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
Illustration by the amazing @kromeyart.bsky.social 🥰
October 13, 2025 at 4:34 PM
Illustration by the amazing @kromeyart.bsky.social 🥰
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
Time for my favorite Father’s Day activity: scrolling through Facebook, finding Father’s Day posts by girls I went to high school with, and commenting “Tell him I say hi.”
October 23, 2025 at 7:27 PM
Time for my favorite Father’s Day activity: scrolling through Facebook, finding Father’s Day posts by girls I went to high school with, and commenting “Tell him I say hi.”
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
Me: can I go jogging without a bra
You: sure, knock yourself out
You: sure, knock yourself out
October 31, 2025 at 12:15 PM
Me: can I go jogging without a bra
You: sure, knock yourself out
You: sure, knock yourself out
Bold of you to assume I took my Christmas tree down last year
November 3, 2025 at 2:48 PM
Bold of you to assume I took my Christmas tree down last year
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
Everybody thinks they want a weird girl until she starts doing weird girl shit
October 31, 2025 at 4:08 PM
Everybody thinks they want a weird girl until she starts doing weird girl shit
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
Where you saw knee prints in the sand, that was where I sucked Jesus’ dick
July 18, 2025 at 5:56 PM
Where you saw knee prints in the sand, that was where I sucked Jesus’ dick
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
spark joy all over my face and tits
July 26, 2025 at 2:24 PM
spark joy all over my face and tits
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
Sometimes when I masturbate I use the other hand so it feels clumsy and useless like if a man was doing it
August 16, 2025 at 11:48 AM
Sometimes when I masturbate I use the other hand so it feels clumsy and useless like if a man was doing it
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
The term cumslut makes me wonder what other kinds of sluts are out there, and should I be one of those? Cum is great, I just want to explore my options.
August 22, 2025 at 12:06 PM
The term cumslut makes me wonder what other kinds of sluts are out there, and should I be one of those? Cum is great, I just want to explore my options.
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
Flight Attendant: Is there a slut onboard?
Me: Yes, how can I help?
Flight Attendant: The pilot is having a sex emergency
Me: *tearing my shirt open* I’m on my way
Dad: What the fuck is a sex emergency
Me: Shhh you’re not in this fantasy
Me: Yes, how can I help?
Flight Attendant: The pilot is having a sex emergency
Me: *tearing my shirt open* I’m on my way
Dad: What the fuck is a sex emergency
Me: Shhh you’re not in this fantasy
August 29, 2025 at 4:40 PM
Flight Attendant: Is there a slut onboard?
Me: Yes, how can I help?
Flight Attendant: The pilot is having a sex emergency
Me: *tearing my shirt open* I’m on my way
Dad: What the fuck is a sex emergency
Me: Shhh you’re not in this fantasy
Me: Yes, how can I help?
Flight Attendant: The pilot is having a sex emergency
Me: *tearing my shirt open* I’m on my way
Dad: What the fuck is a sex emergency
Me: Shhh you’re not in this fantasy
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
If you’re into girls who are “broken,” “damaged,” have “daddy issues” or “low self-esteem,” you’re a pig and a pervert and my DMs are open
September 4, 2025 at 7:36 PM
If you’re into girls who are “broken,” “damaged,” have “daddy issues” or “low self-esteem,” you’re a pig and a pervert and my DMs are open
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
ME: But in the movies the lady reporters just walk into the men’s showers and it’s fine
DAVID BECKHAM: You’re not a journalist and this is my home
DAVID BECKHAM: You’re not a journalist and this is my home
September 12, 2025 at 12:14 PM
ME: But in the movies the lady reporters just walk into the men’s showers and it’s fine
DAVID BECKHAM: You’re not a journalist and this is my home
DAVID BECKHAM: You’re not a journalist and this is my home
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
What the fuck is a panty raid? A cabin full of horny girls and we probably would have given you handjobs AT LEAST, but no, you grab some undies and leave? Bro, you could have got those at Marshalls.
September 15, 2025 at 1:19 AM
What the fuck is a panty raid? A cabin full of horny girls and we probably would have given you handjobs AT LEAST, but no, you grab some undies and leave? Bro, you could have got those at Marshalls.
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
Having sex is like riding a bike: you never forget how, it hurts my vagina, ring a little bell while you’re riding, always wear a helmet
September 15, 2025 at 11:43 AM
Having sex is like riding a bike: you never forget how, it hurts my vagina, ring a little bell while you’re riding, always wear a helmet
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
I wish my ex was here to fuck me every time I wash my hands, it would make it so much easier to time 20 seconds
September 18, 2025 at 7:04 PM
I wish my ex was here to fuck me every time I wash my hands, it would make it so much easier to time 20 seconds
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
ME GETTING FINGERED: Is the door locked? Check again. Do you think the neighbors can hear?
ME GIVING A HANDJOB: These seats are great! Fuck, the show’s starting. Do you want to finish in my mouth or
ME GIVING A HANDJOB: These seats are great! Fuck, the show’s starting. Do you want to finish in my mouth or
September 19, 2025 at 3:41 PM
ME GETTING FINGERED: Is the door locked? Check again. Do you think the neighbors can hear?
ME GIVING A HANDJOB: These seats are great! Fuck, the show’s starting. Do you want to finish in my mouth or
ME GIVING A HANDJOB: These seats are great! Fuck, the show’s starting. Do you want to finish in my mouth or
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
ME: I was so depressed. I stopped doing my homework, stopped even trying. I had dark circles under my eyes. I didn’t wear makeup, didn’t put on a bra.
THERAPIST: That sounds like a really hard time for you. Tell me more about them titties.
THERAPIST: That sounds like a really hard time for you. Tell me more about them titties.
September 20, 2025 at 1:24 PM
ME: I was so depressed. I stopped doing my homework, stopped even trying. I had dark circles under my eyes. I didn’t wear makeup, didn’t put on a bra.
THERAPIST: That sounds like a really hard time for you. Tell me more about them titties.
THERAPIST: That sounds like a really hard time for you. Tell me more about them titties.
Reposted by Matt 🇨🇦🍁
ME: Do you want to spank this fat ass
HIM: Oh yeah baby
ME: So you think I’m fat
HIM: Oh yeah baby
ME: So you think I’m fat
October 5, 2025 at 12:05 PM
ME: Do you want to spank this fat ass
HIM: Oh yeah baby
ME: So you think I’m fat
HIM: Oh yeah baby
ME: So you think I’m fat