Jacob Hatton
jacobhashishaton.bsky.social
Jacob Hatton
@jacobhashishaton.bsky.social
Sometime comedian and author.
Chiefs OUT.

We’re woke again folks.
December 14, 2025 at 9:16 PM
Reposted by Jacob Hatton
🍓JACOB HATTON🍓

We are delighted to welcome back the wonderful @jacobhashishaton.bsky.social to coherent comedy for our first show of 2026!

Tickets below 👇

#CoherentComedy
December 14, 2025 at 7:51 PM
I absolutely cannot wait for this.
🍓JACOB HATTON🍓

We are delighted to welcome back the wonderful @jacobhashishaton.bsky.social to coherent comedy for our first show of 2026!

Tickets below 👇

#CoherentComedy
December 14, 2025 at 7:52 PM
For you I would rather forget English
December 10, 2025 at 8:36 AM
Love when the train is like “Yeah idk”

Relatable
December 9, 2025 at 5:30 PM
The apex of Twitter freaks who won’t log off radicalising themselves into absurd shit even the most coke-addled ‘Tommy Robinson is a legend’ thug wouldn’t consider is the “Indian food is bad actually” lot.

I genuinely think they’re going to overplay their hand
December 6, 2025 at 10:08 PM
This goes out to choirmasters at the carol service: play the fucking hits

“Oh tonight we’re doing a plainsong come all you faithful”

Shut up. Play the hits. Hark the Herald, Once In Royal, the big descants on all. In The Bleak Midwinter (Holst version only)
December 6, 2025 at 6:51 PM
Only so many times you can try ID cards
December 6, 2025 at 4:23 PM
Something about me is I will talk to your dog like we’re long time colleagues at the shipyard. “Alright geez” “Ahhh it’s a living, drink makes it better”
December 6, 2025 at 4:22 PM
The Ashes are secretly a national humiliation kink. We invented this game explicitly to be pantsed by grinning oafs who call the off license a Bottlo. We want this. Check mate.
December 6, 2025 at 3:00 PM
If I were to reanimate a corpse-man from stolen parts I found attractive I would simply make the creature actually attractive instead of hideous and uncanny
Reading Frankenstein & reflecting that, were i to make a corpse-man i would make things easier for everyone by not making him eight foot tall
December 2, 2025 at 11:54 PM
Don’t make me defend the chancellor but this wave of stories really are absolute bullshit. So clear that they wanted to bang on about the tax rise that didn’t happen so now they’re actively scalp hunting
If you look at the ridiculous case studies they dredged up & the desperate attempts to hang Reeves for ‘lying’ about the rationale behind a policy she *did not introduce*, you might work out why right-wing media is straining *not* to talk about the finer detail of her (unremarkable) budget.
November 30, 2025 at 2:18 PM
Reposted by Jacob Hatton
It does feel like half the stories in the UK press only make sense if you follow Enoch1488, a peadophile on twitter who they have decided is the voice of True Working Class Brits
At some point the media’s view of their jobs changed from holding politicians accountable to active scalp hunting over relatively nothing. They’re trying to use a relentless drum-beat of less than honest narrative creation to try and force resignations in a way they never did before.
November 30, 2025 at 10:12 AM
This will actively appeal to a lot of reform people who basically love that they can be part of essentially, “The Dickhead Party”, but ideally we can switch a few people off at least
November 29, 2025 at 11:10 AM
November 27, 2025 at 5:34 PM
I think this is right btw. Most of the MASSIVE fall in immigration is a result of the new restrictions from the last Tory govt finally having an impact, give it a couple of years and Labour are going find they’ve overshot
I think the government meant to cut net migration but have accidentally overshot the target by a lot. They haven’t realised this yet.
November 27, 2025 at 5:22 PM
Business idea: I come round your house and use my lack of construction skills to turn it into a shithole to own Rachel Reeves.

I will charge a year of mansion tax for the pleasure.
November 27, 2025 at 3:44 PM
Reposted by Jacob Hatton
Another way of looking at this, of course, is that if you took the triple lock out of the equation, the benefits bill would very likely roughly be increasing in line with projected inflation *if that*
November 26, 2025 at 10:04 PM
There’s no welfare state that isn’t funded by broad base tax rises btw. We can have an expansive welfare state with strong public services (my preference) but you as in low paid and middle earners will pay more for it.

Anyway, the budget is basically fine. she bottled it by not upping income tax.
Rachel Reeves says this Labour Governments decisions are "necessary."

Why is it always necessary to hit the living standards of the 99%?

When are we going to make the necessary decisions about extreme wealth?
November 27, 2025 at 9:34 AM
Sending the police to arrest you for the capture of your child bride (F30)
November 26, 2025 at 12:14 PM
The Antebellum Curve
a left-of-center charles murray type who argues that we must stop blaming the myriad problems of southern whites on their diseased culture and instead accept that southern whites are genetically inferior
November 24, 2025 at 3:35 PM
Reposted by Jacob Hatton
Let's say for the sake of argument that his policies are "successful" (say in reducing the number of UK asylum applications).

Does he think the press will simply sit back and applaud him?

No chance. They'll just invent a new bogeyman – a new epidemic – that he's to blame for
November 17, 2025 at 3:00 PM
Reposted by Jacob Hatton
Starmer’s anti-asylum policies show how utterly clueless he is about the right-wing media’s role in politics.

He’s trying to fix a “problem” contrived by Farage, GB News and The Telegraph. He’ll never win, because ultimately he’s fighting a ghost – he’s fighting something that doesn’t really exist
November 17, 2025 at 2:57 PM
Myles Garrett is the best defensive player I’ve ever seen and I’ve been watching the ravens when prime Lewis and Reed were playing. Kyle Hamilton is going to be a hall of famer though
November 17, 2025 at 6:42 PM
The commitment to turning this island into a nationwide episode of “Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away”
The Sun has been told Home Secretary Shabana Mahmood will on Monday propose confiscating jewellery, watches, necklaces from asylum seekers to meet asylum costs

This reflects the most controversial aspect of the Danish scheme - the Jewellery Law. The toughest Labour MPs thought this was OTT
November 17, 2025 at 9:47 AM